Husband over-egging pain

[Bedofclouds]

My husband had a vasectomy on Thursday. All routine, very quickly in and out of hospital. I appreciate there will be some discomfort but feel he’s over the top with how he’s reacting. He picked up our 20 month old today then said it had really hurt him and he felt weak so needed to go have a lie down. I picked up my 4 year old the day after I gave birth to my second child! I do lack sympathy towards him in general so don’t know if I’m just BU but I find this sort of behaviour really unattractive.

YABVU. You have no idea what his level of pain is and he’s had a medical procedure less than 48 hours ago in literally the most sensitive area of his entire body. You also say you ‘lack sympathy towards him in general’ which is also unreasonable.

YABVU

How do you know how much it hurts him? you don't have a clue - and picking up your child after childbirth is exactly what female bodies are designed to do. We are not designed to have knives slicing away at our insides

All the men I know that have had this say they felt they'd been kicked in the balls really hard for several days at least afterwards, so I'm not surprised he's in pain. I'd be cutting him a bit of slack, in all honesty.

I think it's very unattractive to lack sympathy towards your partner in general.

Two wrongs don't make a right. If you love someone, why would you want them to suffer just because you did? It's a horrible attitude to have.

It’s been barely 48 hours. Some men would be completely fine by now, some aren’t.

As someone who had a very painful recovery from surgery a lot of other people bounce back from and got heartily sick of the “but I was in Tesco the day after I had mine” stories, I am on your husband’s side.

No doubt there’s a backstory as to why you don’t seem to actually like him very much?

Oh give over. Maybe he is trying it on a bit, maybe he’s just exaggerating a wee bit, maybe it’s genuinely very painful, you don’t know and won’t ever know. It’s only been a day or two. If he’s still like this in a couple of weeks, then have a word, but otherwise you’re being a bit.. martyrish and somewhat controlling.

Pretty obvious you're unreasonable in context of this one incident.

So tell us the backstory of why you don't have sympathy for him or dont like him.

YABVU.

Anyone needs time to recover after surgery. It’s impossible to compare his pain now with how you felt about childbirth! They are different experiences in the first place and then different people experience them differently! I certainly couldn’t have done anything a day after childbirth. Show a little more sympathy and kindness.

You sound wonderful....

I feel for your husband 😂

You are being extremely unreasonable. It's his private parts that are in pain, not yours. You may have physically given birth so you know that type of pain but you don't know the pain of a vasectomy.

Why do you ''lack sympathy in general?'' Does he mistreat you/kids in some way?

Even if he does, he's had a medical thing done less that 48 hours earlier, I'm no medic/not trained but I know he'd still be in a lot of pain for several days after having it done.

Show your horrible post to you husband and all the replies, let him know there's loads of women on here wishing him well and sympathizing for having you as a wife.

Good luck in making a a speedy recovery, hubby!

You, wife, need to grow up fast.

DH was back in work a couple of days after his vasectomy, but for a good week or two it was painful/uncomfortable to pick ds up, it must be the way the muscles pull or something. He didn't make a big fuss over the procedure and got on with other things so I have no reason to disbelieve that lifting hurt.

It's not even been 48 hours give him a break

YABU OP

But my DH had a vasectomy and he was the 1 in 100 men (whatever the stats were at the time) who had an adverse reaction. His balls swelled and looked like avocados...so swollen and black. It was awful and they took a long time to go back to normal 🫣 But it was when he said 'oh god, you've got NO IDEA how much pain I'm in'. I did side eye him a bit having previously pushed out two 10lb babies on just gas & air 🤣🤣 ok love...ive got no idea!!

You're reacting exactly how my MIL did after my c-section shortly before she was told to pack her bags and get out

YABU your comparing two different situations, you can’t possibly know what his pain is like

Husband said 'my wife just gave birth and says it was painful, she is exaggerating it's not that bad'

What makes you think he isn't in the amount of pain he says he's in?

Well, it does depend on the individual but my ex was absolutely fine and we were having (protected) sex 48hrs post op...

Well yeah you didn't. As I assume you don't have testicles. In the same way he had no idea of the pain you put yourself through.

Apart from all the above some men do have a lot more pain after a vasectomy, rarely it can be for a long time and there is also a risk of infection that causes increasing pain, if he has other symptoms or if the pain persists see a doctor or call 111. My first thought wouldn't be he's putting it on, but concern there might be a problem.

I thought you were going to say he had a sniffle, or a cold, or 'man flu,' and he was shuffling about in his dressing gown of doom and slippers of sadness moping around.

He's had surgery on his bollocks. Have some compassion @Bedofclouds

YABVU. Be nice to him!

Hmmm…you do know a 1/3 ish of women have their bodies sliced with knives when giving birth…more if you add significant episiotomies

I was picking up baby whilst still at bloody hospital to change nappy and breastfeed after major abdominal surgery . And after second one , within 4 days, needed to lift a 2.5 year old toddler too. Yep, they tell yo7 not to lift after c-sections but then you’re not given any help with the baby or toddler at home 24/7 to actually follow that instruction.

what a daft thing to say-human female bodies are actually very poorly designed to give birth, one of evolutions compromises of big brains and the resulted loss of life historically of babies and mothers. The idea of “natural” birth is a fallacy…most women can’t give birth alone, almost all experience significant pain in birth and after due to the birthing process and pregnancy.

Exactly! Even if giving birth IS more painful than a vasectomy, it's not fair to dish out whatabouttery. Saying 'well MY pain was a lot worse than yours is now, when I had my baby(s)' helps no-one, and is a bit thoughtless. As I said, have some compassion for a man who has just had surgery, and is in pain!

You've had a vasectomy so you would know OP...

It was only 2 days ago, cut him some slack!

You know what I find unattractive? One-upmanship about pain and suffering.

"Nyeh nyeah, I've had it worse than you so what right do you have to complain, nyeh nyeah"

Absolutely insufferable.