Husband over-egging pain

[Bedofclouds]

My husband had a vasectomy on Thursday. All routine, very quickly in and out of hospital. I appreciate there will be some discomfort but feel he’s over the top with how he’s reacting. He picked up our 20 month old today then said it had really hurt him and he felt weak so needed to go have a lie down. I picked up my 4 year old the day after I gave birth to my second child! I do lack sympathy towards him in general so don’t know if I’m just BU but I find this sort of behaviour really unattractive.

I'd like to know if pressure was placed on him to have the operation, and I might wonder if the number of shags made available to the OP might be much reduced in future, and even how long before there is a parting.

How lovely are you?

Give him a break for a few days at least. You seem cross that he didn’t bounce out of hospital and immediately start doing chores.

Why aren't you more sympathetic? Yabu

I’m getting the idea you don’t like him very much OP?

I am not a great believer in the “I got a low/high pain threshold” statements

i think we are all able to bear some pains easily and some pains extremely poorly. And it depends on individual and pain . I don’t feel much pain with broken bones - been sent out of A &E too many times in recent years with no X-ray as they don’t think I’d broken, only to find weeks later after issues that yep, it was broken. On the other hand I have terrible back pain that makes me cry at times.

I think some of it is about our responsive to the pain psychologically . Women suffer pain menstrual cramps that at other times would need an A and E admission but becuase we know it is “normal” we get on with It (I’m not including endo pain in this statement) . Same as labour pain- there is a positive outcome at end and that adrenaline and knowledge that we are going to be in pain, means we get on with it and accept the pain management tools offered when and if needed. . So mental attitude helps to absorb pain in some cases. If the husband here is experiencing operation for first time and has been scared by scary stories about vasectomy, then pain he feels will probably be less psychologically manageable. Doesn’t mean he’s putting it on- genuinely he’ll feel more pain.

then I think there’s is the whole mechanism of pain receptors. We dont know where someone’s individual nerves are, and inflammation from surgery could well be pushing on a nerve or similar causing him pain. Once inflammation goes down then it will decrease.

if it was me, I’d be saying that he probably has inflammation affecting his nerves or muscles and needs to take pain killers to help with that, NSAID if he’s ok with them. Not wait till he feels pain, but take continuously for next few days until sure inflammation has gone.

the weakness one is bit that doesn’t ring right with me. If he’d had a general anaesthetic then sure, but this was local I assume? I could understand weakness in a particular groin muscle but that wouldn’t need him to down! well only for a few moments if he needs to relax that groin pain. If he’s generally saying he feels weak, then tell him that is not normal and he needs to call the hospital and ask for advice - push him on this and see what happens. Seriously he shouldn’t be feeling “weak“ generally after a local.

the picking up child, don’t make a deal about it. Empathise with pain bit, tell him about inflammation and that he must take NSAID or similar if it is bad enough that he’s complaining about it. And tell him to call clinic back urgently on weakness as you’re really concerned for him at this stage post procedure.

Kinda gatekeeping pain here...

Obviously there is more going on in your marriage if him being in pain is annoying you this much.

I have been told before that I have a low pain threshold and that pisses me off.

No one knows how painful something is for someone else. We all feel pain differently, it is constructed in the brain after all and the pain system is complicated.

My DH struggled for a few days after. Normally very stoic and doesn't make a fuss. He had been told to wear big grandad supportive underpants, his balls really swelled up and there was a lot of bruising. I'd cut him a bit of slack for now...

Apart from those men who experience a lot of pain in the days/weeks/months after a vasectomy, a small percentage have chronic and debilitating pain which can last for many years/life. Vasectomy is often referred to as a trivial/simple procedure on Mumsnet and elsewhere, but it is a surgery with its risks and complications, and not necessarily a small thing at all.

You are being unfair OP

All things being relative, some sympathy is in order, for a couple of days at least.

I presume he has form for being a bit of a drama queen in general? This time, you can cut him a bit of slack.

Some of you have completely taken what I said as a sign that a) I don’t like my husband, b) I may have forced him into this surgery, c) that my relationship may shortly been ending. All very dramatic.

sometimes, just sometimes people can get things wrong and might come to ask for advice from those who have been in a similar situation. To those who have made comments about their own husbands, I appreciate this. It helps me put my situation into perspective.

Pain is still pain isn’t it, doesn’t matter the cause. Yeh some pain hurts more than others but no ones pain should be minimised because we feel they shouldn’t be complaining.