DD current medical investigations and GP response

[Sparklybutold]

Our beautiful DD has started investigations for either a genetic disease or a tumour. She is a toddler and will have to undergo lots of invasive testing over the coming days. Today I let her grandparents know. They asked which hospital, which I let them know, they then replied that it wasn't far and that they were now going to go visit a national trust. Cue a few hours later and DD grandma sent a photo of her trip.

I have posted in the past about the in laws lack of emotional intelligence but this has been particularly difficult today.

Should I say something or let it go?

Yes! Just to be proactive. When she stayed with us a few weeks back she literally became another person to look after. Even when we went out and the cafe was closed but they had free tea/coffee so I got her a tea, she just looked at me after I handed it to her and said ‘its cold?’ with no proactiveness on her behalf to do anything about it. All the while I was caring for my daughter whilst she just watched. Got home, made everyone crumpets and she just sat there and ate her crumpets. Minimal interaction with the grandkids as she played on her phone whilst I was trying to get on with housework etc. Cue dinnertime, and she was served her dinner. Wine? Offered and received. Crisps? Offered an received.

Yup - I need to communicate when they do visit that this wont be happening.

@Countymayo

No I'm not expecting hovering at the hospital would help but there are lots of other ways they could help if they thought to ask?

Even after today - just to ask questions about it? Ask how we are? It shouldn't be rocket science surely?

I agree I think they would be saddened to hear this. I'm just tired, lonely and scared. When life hits you with shit, you just want someone to say ‘ive got you- what do you need?’. I guess its not just them I'm angry at but the fact I don't have any other family. Next week is going to be awful - she will have to undergo lots of invasive and scary investigations and I'm holding my head up for her so she knows I've got her, I just want someone to do that for me.

Ask for help if you need it. You can’t expect someone to mind read. Some people don’t want to feel like their are interfering etc.

Just ask what you need: food shopping, laundry done. I’m sure they will help.

Very gently, with the anguish you are experiencing, I think you’re taking out your pain on your in-laws, who will be none the wiser that they’ve upset you. This is honesty the least of your problems. Don’t create further upset for yourself

Tell them what you’ve written to us OP. That you’re scared and lonely. Say you’re tired and you need them to stay at the hopsital
for a couple of hours while you get sleep at home or Ask for a handhold when you have to go talk to the doctors or are waiting for her to come out from testing.
You have to ask, they will support you but be clear what you need.
That will change over time and in the coming weeks- so be very open with them. Tell them how you’re feeling (honestly) and what you need (honestly)

I'm shocked by some of the responses on here. Family drama?? OP must be so worried, it's it's totally inappropriate for the GP's to send pictures of their day trip. I would be sick with worry, no way I would be able to go out gallivanting

As a seriously ill person, I find people (and that includes those close to you) fall into two camps. Those that get it and those that don't. I don't know why. Some people are possibly more empathetic, or helpful. Maybe illness scares others. Could just be thoughtlessness or a situation they've never had to endure so don't really understand. It's a shit, scary time for you. My advice would be, lean on the people who are there and try and accept her for who she is.
I'm thinking of you - it's a frightening time, I hope you have some support.