Neighbour smoking on balcony

[PorridgeWobbler]

We have a relatively new neighbour in the flat immediately next to ours. Now that the weather is improving he seems to spend a lot of time on his balcony smoking cigarettes and weed. Yesterday it was about every 2-3 hours. The smell is horrendous and the prevailing wind flows it straight in through our windows. It’s as if someone is smoking inside our flat. I work from home so notice every time he smokes. Last night he lit up again at 11pm so I had to shut our bedroom windows despite it being very hot. I have young children and their bedrooms also end up stinking of smoke.

I feel I need to say something because it is vile and bad for our health. But I also appreciate that it’s his balcony and he can technically do what he wants on it. What should I say?

AIBU to complain to him?

Yes. State the obvious... start a fire, kill someone, have music blaring at 3am, grow drugs etc.

If you pay 1,500 pounds for a small London pad you can have a fag on the balcony. You probably rented it for that exact reason.

i think you’re on a hiding to nothing - yes I’m sure if he had a larger space he wouldn’t mind moving but you’re asking him to go down and outside the building every time he wants a cigarette, which realistically he’s not going to want to do.

you can only control your behaviour so shut blinds and windows, fan on. I imagine the balconies aren’t very big so I don’t think there’s a solution of him moving to one side or the other is going to help substantially.

and I’m sure the police in London will very much care that someone’s having a spliff every now and then 😂

I also wonder who these people are, who have their neighbours' numbers....
?

I do sympathise with this.... and have had a "bit" of an issue myself. Trust me, if people do it, and know it has an effect, and carry on anyway they will not change what they do.
I, up to a point, have fought fire with passive-aggressive fire, and utilise incense sticks (several at a time), air fresher and fabric sprays over the (high) fence - which is more aggressive than passive, I know.
But I do also use a cordless fan close the the boundary, and blow their stench back at them.

@BlackStrayCat People with your attitude and the others going on about "hysteria" are the reason why living in build up areas is a nightmare.

I beg your pardon?

I presume that an exchange of numbers would happen when/if they had this conversation.

Try approaching him in a friendly, chatty way rather than as if you have a 'complaint'. Make clear that you'd just like to try to find a solution that works OK for both of you.
He might respond well.
If he doesn't, at least you've tried, and hopefully kept neighbourly relations relatively positive. Or at least kept the moral high ground!

I am a lovely neighbour.
I have lived in capital cities all over the world.
I now live in a flat by the sea.
I do not smoke or take drugs.
I can have an opinion on whether this man can have a cigarette on his balcony. Yes he bloody can.

You could ask him nicely but I doubt he will stop. He has a balcony so he won't be going downstairs every time he sits and relaxes there.

Which conversation - the one in which they are asked to notify the person they are going to annoy....? How weird. Not in my world.

It was not that people were saying was unpleasant. It was your contrarian comment that if someone asked you to be more considerate if you were a smoker that you would take up chain smoking to spite them.

That is hardly very nice.

If he's a tenant then his lease almost certainly forbids smoking in the flat - which will include the balcony

Where does it stop though? If he stops smoking on his balcony and just does it inside will you want him to close his windows next because you can still smell the smoke? That's the problem with living in a flat. You're on top of other people who have different lives to you. It's not ideal. Unfortunately you can't reasonably tell other residents not to smoke on their own balcony. In communal areas it won't be allowed but provided there are no ground rules about smoking inside the actual flats he is entitled to smoke on his own balcony. You won't know from one new tenant to the next if another smoker will move in so perhaps explore other housing options with a bit more space between residents so you're not so close to eachother.

OFGS.

If someone tells you not to do something everyone knows it makes them do it more (unconciously)

Children/sweets
XH/me drinking a glass of wine
Teens/drugs,alcohol,smoking

You name it.

Private tenancy maybe but not all tenancy. I'm a tenant and there's nothing forbidding smoking in my flat.

No, as I said upthread I have been in this situation. The neighbours said please don't smoke under the kids' window (outside our own back door). I said oops yes no problem and smoked elsewhere. I did not start chain-smoking to spite them.

Not everyone treats the world as a battle ground.

Well, I can imagine it might go something like
'If we swap numbers then maybe you could message and let me know when you're heading out there, so I have a heads-up to close my windows?'

NB I haven't said I think it's a good idea to ask him to text when he's going for a smoke (as it happens, I don't); I was just trying to respond to your seeming incredulity that neighbours might exchange numbers.

@BlackStrayCat You said if a neighbour asked you not to smoke on your balcony you'd "take up chain smoking". That's not being a "lovely neighbour".

People with this kind of attitude were the reason I moved out of a city flat and now live in the country with very few neighbours. It was constant weed smoking that stunk out our flat when we had a newborn baby, and ignored polite asks to not do it out of their window (there was a shared garden they could have gone in).

Would you really be happy with someone smoking every 2-3 hours and stinking out your flat?

Also, it might be against their lease to smoke on the property so I wouldn't be so adamant that they "bloody well can" smoke on their balcony.

So you were in a city flat with a garden? Gosh Good for you. You sound like a fabulous smoker.

Stop nit picking. This is totally different.

FGS. It was sarcastic. I would not spitefully turn into a chain smoker.

I do not fucking smoke.

Goodbye.

Still a No from me.
NONE of my neighbours (and I have quite a few) have my number - even and especially those who behave "anti-socially". I don't have or want theirs.
And to reiterate, if people know it causes a problem, and don't stop or moderate what they are doing to be more considerate, then there is no point in asking more than once.
In my unfortunate personal experience.

No windows on the other side away from the balconies?

Let HIM know (politely) first and see what he says. Log out of MN for five minutes to do that. Unfortunately we can't do much.

@BlackStrayCat You seem very angry, I hope you get the help you obviously need.

He's likely chosen the flat with the balcony for this very reason.

You could have a chat with him but I don't think you can reasonably expect him to leave his property every time he wants a cigarette.

I am bloody angry you are deliberately missing the point.

If someone is going to do something in a flat they are presumably paying a lot of money for, with a balcony, which is presumably what the balcony is for in their mind, they will likely (UNCONCIOUSLY) smoke more not less. "Turn into a chain smoker" was a joke/tongue in cheek.

I am not a bad neighbour, spiteful, angry or battling against the world, smoker, drug taker or an unreasonable inexperienced person.

I am a middle aged lady who lives with her teen by the sea. (Having lived in London for eons) Both renting and owning.
Jesus Christ.