"No wonder the neighbours think you're loopy"

[Argu]

Said by DH to me during an argument. Would you think this means he has talked to them about me?

No idea - ask him!

What an unkind thing to say to you. What was the actual context?

Perhaps they've talked to him about you.

Do you know why this might be true? That you're loopy?

Impossible to comment without any context

There really isn't any context to it. We had an argument about how he had behaved towards someone else. This was while I was working from home, I asked him to leave my room as I was about to join a meeting, he kept refusing, I raised my voice asking him to leave, and he says "no wonder the neighbours think you're loopy", then refused to elaborate on the comment. So if someone said that to you, would you think people had been talking about you?

Ask him exactly what the fuck he means. Tell him the neighbours think he is rude

Not necessarily.

If I was in the habit of raising my voice/shouting, I'd think it was fair to assume my neighbours might think similar without anyone talking to them about it.

Do they hear you both argue often? Sometimes women's voices travel better than men's so it may sound like you are going off at him. (I used to have neighbours like this, sounded like she was screeching at him, and couldn't hear much from him but pretty sure they were both at it).

We don't argue often and I certainly don't raise my voice often. I asked my next door neighbour who is also one of my best friends, and she said she's never heard anything.

Perfect reply might have been "That's funny, they say the same thing about you." Let him feel a bit unsettled.

@Argu There really isn't any context to it. Clearly there is, as you went on to give it to us in your reply.

So if someone said that to you, would you think people had been talking about you? If I could totally trust the person saying it, then yes, I would. Do you trust him?

If my husband said that to me, I'd know it was true as he's not the type to make that up (although then again he wouldn't have told me about it even if it had been said - he's too protective of other people's feelings).

If my mother had said it to me, no, I wouldn't have believed it in its entirety, if indeed at all, as she had plenty of form for saying things like that just at the right moment. None of it was ever a lie as such, but boy did she flex comments to suit the moment.

No. He's being an idiot.

Our old neighbours did think I was loopy because I had a FT professional job and a small child, walked and cycled everywhere, and wrote books. I thought they were loopy because of their obsessive devotion to their topiary and their 20 year blood feud with the neighbours on the other side.

We actually got on quite well, though.

What I’m saying is that it’s not hard to be considered ‘loopy’ in some contexts.

Agree with pp, I'd think he was a gaslighting prick.

Can't imagine ever being married to someone that would say such a horribly head-fucking thing to me tbh.

He's not a nice man.

I couldn't let that go. Let him go and stew and then when he tries to be normal again ask him exactly what he meant about that comment. Gaslighting bastard.

Thank you all. From your comments it sounds like most people wouldn't think that this comment would imply that it is a fact that the neighbours think this of me.

It's a term he uses when I get upset with him which makes me feel that he invalidates my feelings and dismisses them as unreasonableness. In this case, DS kept misbehaving, DH lost his rag with him and kept OTT shouting at him, DS kept crying hysterically, and I tried to de-escalate the situation by getting them to say sorry to each other, then DS calmed down and DH stopped shouting. Once DS was gone, 30 minutes later DH was furious with me for having made him apologise, I explained to him why I did it then asked him repeatedly to leave as I had to join a call, he kept refusing to leave the room and insisted we were going to have this argument now, and after the 4th time or so I said in a loud voice "For f's sake just leave!" And he did, but just as he closed the door behind him he turned around and made this comment.

That definitely wasn't a nice thing to say, however if your neighbours are anything like mine it's a compliment for them to find you 'loopy'.

I think you have bigger problems

Treating your husband like a child by making him saying sorry isn't going to de-escalate anything. Also, that was a hell of a lot more context for something that "doesn't have any context really".

Back on topic, I'd say that it's something the neighbours have said, not necessarily that he's been talking to them about you.

He made it up. The neighbours don't think you're loopy. He wanted you to feel as bad as he did, so he grabbed this bullshit out of thin air in the hope you would be embarrassed and offended...just as he (rightly) felt when you called him out for being a twat.

Why? Because his ego is more important than anything else.

Might be wrong but....

If anyone is loopy it’s your DH (dickhead husband)

This is a deliberate attempt to get you to shut up; make you believe you are unreasonable and 'loopy'; and make you paranoid that the neighbours are talking about you. Don't fall for it.

If he had a decent point to make in the argument, he would have made it.

I'd guess either

He has said this to the neighbours and they haven't disagreed which he's taken as agreeing
Or he thinks it and therefore he's assuming if they heard they would agree
Or he's talking bollocks