"No wonder the neighbours think you're loopy"

[Argu]

Said by DH to me during an argument. Would you think this means he has talked to them about me?

Sounds like he loves to invent a "they" who miraculously all agree with him to psychologically convince you that you are wrong and he is right. Absolute bollocks!

Yep.

If the neighbours had made a weird comment about you, a decent man would have pulled them up on it. He’d probably also have informed you. What he wouldn’t do is report it back to you to support his own position in an argument with you. He’s doing it to try and make you feel he has back up, that he can’t possibly be unreasonable, that others support him. The neighbours may not have said a single thing of the sort. It’s like when people have arguments and they say ‘yeah, well everyone thinks you’re XYZ’. It’s done to shock and belittle you by making you think people are talking about you. So ask yourself why a nice partner would tell you this in such a nasty way and consider if he tries to make you feel shitty or doubt yourself in other ways.

So no possibility at all that the neighbours might have said it to him?

No. I'd think my husband was an arse

He might have discussed you with them, he might not.
Either way it was a twatty thing to say that was designed to hurt, upset and confuse you - he was verbally lashing out
Not ok at all

An over used term on MN but this sounds like gaslighting to me. Make you feel others are talking about you, don’t like you, you are mad.
Either completely made up or taken out of context and twisted.

@Ginlfixit I'd be really surprised . Would you ever tell anyone their husband /wife is mad?

The majority of partners would be extremely offended

He's a twat. He's trying to make you feel like you are the problem, by creating this 'us vs you' thing with the neighbours. My brother does this, he lives with my mum and anything I did for my mum (at her request), he'd say 'WE don't need this', 'WE think that', etc. He was bullshitting, there was no 'we', he was just trying to make me feel ganged up on.

They don't. He was lashing out in a way he knew would worry you - planting doubts about your reputation with nice people. Underhand and undermining you.

You're all on top of each other - is working in office not an option?

Given the context, no. I'd think he was just grasping at whatever he could to make you out to be the unreasonanle one, when the context indicates it was him.

It is a gaslighting argument strategy in the same vein as "everyone says".