AIBU to go no contact with SIL?

[LemonadeLifestyle]

We have a 7 month old baby and my sister in law has been a pain in the arse!

Her children are primary school age and she 'pops in' unannounced all the time - always on days husband has to go into the office.

I feel like she is judging me / my parenting.

Baby was born by emergency C-section and hers were unmedicated natural births.

Nasty comments like is mummy starving you when he cries for a bottle - hers were breastfed and had 'food on tap'.

Weaning - I'm winging it - puree and finger food - hers were baby led and how can I be sure he wants what I'm 'forcing down him'

I've started avoiding her and she's bad mouthing me to the rest of the family - we saw her at the weekend for a family birthday and she said very loudly 'poor baby being kept away from his family by naughty Mummy'

I'm open to opinions and advice but she is just so smug all the time.

"Is Mummy starving you" I've heard joked a million times when a baby cries.

You've started avoiding her and so she's made comments on it.

Are you forcing food down him? That's the comment that is ridiculous on her part if you're not actually forcing him.

Tell her to get to fuck with her comments on your parenting.

Poor you - she sounds ghastly. I'd do the Mumsnet usual of asking her to repeat herself when she says something negative. Or the head tilt and "Did you mean to sound so rude" You have my utmost sympathies as my SIL is much the same and I've pulled her up- very politely- in front of MIL and others. Soon stopped. I'm quite sure she continued to blackout me behind my back, but I don't have the energy to care.

I offer a spoon of puree - if he eats it perfect - if not that's up to him and florets or broccoli/bits of veg - again if he eats it perfect - if he smashes it into the highchair then so be it.

Your husband needs to step up and tell her to back off. He needs to tell her to stop every time she makes a horrible comment. She sounds awful.

Put a stop to it. Get your husband to tell her you do not want unsolicited drop in whilst he is at work. If she doesn't listen. Refuse to let her in. Lock the door from the inside. Put her number on mute. It's horrible when people undermine new parents.

You could take a step back from the family gatherings for a little while. Your husband takes the baby and you have a red or meet up with a friend. That way you don't have to listen to the passive aggressive comments.

What was she like before the birth?

Can you ask/tell her not to keep calling on you?

Be clear in telling her what you think of her comments: when you say things like this, you're casting an unwanted judgement. I will raise my children the way I think best. I don't want or like or need your commentary. Please keep it to yourself.

She never calls me - just drops in.
I don't answer the door if I'm in the kitchen / back rooms but she will peer in the living room window.
I might just stare blankly at her next time she looks through the window.

😬 she does sound awful and even totally unaware of what she's saying and her actions. I think I would probably just call
Her out on it all to be honest, to her face xx

She sounds like an absolute twat but NC might be a bit nuclear (depending on family dynamics). Maybe distance yourself as far as possible with as little drama as you can? e.g. not answering the door to unexpected callers. Having a few stock phrases for when you do need to see her - PPs 'get to fuck' is right up my street but there are more polite versions yes to involving your husband, is she his sister?

We're really happy with our choices thanks

He's doing great, but thanks for the unwanted opinions (make out as a joke but clearly you want to stab her in the fucking face)

Just keep it light and surface level as it sounds like she's wanting a reaction with all the twatty talking to you through the baby shite

Avoid where possible without looking like you are. I'm sure there are loads of family things that you aren't that bothered about going to so maybe cherry pick the good ones and make excuses when you can.

It's my birthday in the next few weeks ... I might just not invite her and go to her favourite place

Perfect! 😂

Take a tip from my late MIL. If anyone called unannounced she would answer the door with her coat on. If she wanted to see you she’d say she’d just got home, if she didn’t she’d say she was just on her way out!!

@Newname71 this made me laugh, absolutely brilliant

Tell her to fuck right off with her judgy comments and unwanted visits. She's bad mouthing you anyway, so you might as well give it both barrels.

I wouldn't open the door, ignore the comments and never invite her anywhere.

Sympathies as I have a similar SIL but I moved 6000 miles away so I never have to deal with her. The other SIL who still lives nearby however hates her with a fucking passion and it's affected the whole family. If it makes you feel any better, the whole family can see her for who she is but everyone is putting up with it for the sake of the children (she withholds all contact with them if she feels in any way mildly criticised. Oh, and she threatens to kill herself too if she feels left out of stuff 🙄).

I've put baby in pram a few times as if I'm just going out to an appointment

That's brilliant!

Absolutely NBU. You need to put done firm boundaries in place and stick to them. She sounds like my SIL and I have gone NC with her after some inappropriate comments. You husband also needs to back you on this and make it clear to her that she can’t just drop by unannounced.

Your DH’s sister, presumably? Get him to tell her where to go.

It is husbands sister
He heard her at the weekend and apparently replied with only the toxic ones
I didn't even exist to her until the pregnancy/birth

Has dh got your back on this if not why not?

How about, 'oh DEAR SIL, I do not know how we'd be making it through this trying time without all your unsolicited and clearly not well meaning advice to send us completely round the fucking twist'. . .

What’s DH doing to support you and let his sister know she’s being rude and unhelpful?