AIBU to go no contact with SIL?

[LemonadeLifestyle]

We have a 7 month old baby and my sister in law has been a pain in the arse!

Her children are primary school age and she 'pops in' unannounced all the time - always on days husband has to go into the office.

I feel like she is judging me / my parenting.

Baby was born by emergency C-section and hers were unmedicated natural births.

Nasty comments like is mummy starving you when he cries for a bottle - hers were breastfed and had 'food on tap'.

Weaning - I'm winging it - puree and finger food - hers were baby led and how can I be sure he wants what I'm 'forcing down him'

I've started avoiding her and she's bad mouthing me to the rest of the family - we saw her at the weekend for a family birthday and she said very loudly 'poor baby being kept away from his family by naughty Mummy'

I'm open to opinions and advice but she is just so smug all the time.

There is nothing in your post that suggests your sil is judging you or being smug.

Are you the SIL OP is referring to?!

Tell her to wind her neck in.

I dont know if shes being judgemental or not.
Say to her "I'm not sure if your comments are judgemental or not but I'm happy with how I'm bringing up X even if igs not the way you brought up yours. Whilst I'm being direct with you, I'm not keen on you turning up unannounced when DH is out so could you arrange it with me beforehand."

I'm so confused as to how someone can want to pop in and see you, but also wants to undermine you. The comment about keeping you baby away from family would have made me flip.

my sil is rude im glad I survived the hostilities with his family mine were c-section babies i was very sick throughout their whole lives could have died having a c-section or a child that i have they have never even looked up my condition, some people, glass houses and small fibel minds, they have been manipulated by there granma and clan i have had enough now stick to your guns and enjoy every single minute with your family your home not everyone can breastfeed seems a funny thing to even fight about its your live not there's. not fair to get excluded from parties etc though hold your own.

Jealousy is a dreadful thing and this sounds like she feels threatened by you and the new addition to the family. One minute is mummy starving you the next you are forcing him to eat???? She needs a reality check. Definitely say pardon when she makes a nasty remark so she has to repeat and then answer do you not realise how rude you sound. Undermining someone is a form of gaslighting. Stay strong.

Laugh at her !! If she makes any other comments you don't like, just laugh out loud and heartily !!! Takes the wind out of their sails. And if she asks what you're laughing at just say 'Oh you, you're so funny with your silly comments" !! Don't rise to her bait. There's undoubtedly something about you she's jealous of so revel in that and ignore the bitch !!!!

Aren't these normal things that people say? Baby crying for good. Is mummy starving you ?

Dog begging for food. Same

Noone thinks theyre being starves. Its a joke

Shes asking how you know as she did baby led weaning ..
Tell her... because shes my baby and i know

Honestly i don't think shes doing much wrong other than you dont like her and shes getting on your tits

SIL looks through the windows though so she'd have to wear her coat all day

People like your sil get away with their bad behaviour because people enable them. If she comes round don't answer the door, if she looks in your window v clearly mouth f"#k Off. If she complains either dry it and look totally bewidered and say you didn't see her and were wearing earphones singing along. When she's rude say "how rude" very loudly. When she says stupid things snide things say what a snide. Maybe she will complain about you or leave you out of family events do you care? She will move on to an easier target.

Get your DH to tell your SIL that you don’t like visitors calling round unannounced, and that you would both prefer it if she came when he was at home too. I think it’s so rude of anyone to arrive without warning, and peering through the windows is just downright odd. Does the SIL not have a job? I wouldn’t care less about her bad-mouthing me to the rest of the family - I think you need to have a talk with your DH and let him know how much she’s upsetting you. Having a little one should be a lovely time, but it’s not always easy - you don’t need someone coming round to undermine you.

Don't you wish you had the guts to say "If you have something to say about my parenting, say it to my face in your normal voice like a grown-up, not in passive-aggressive baby talk to my child" 😂

It's none of her business how you raise your child! I agree your husband should tell her not to drop in unannounced, and if she still comes round don't let her in! Eventually she'll go away and hopefully get the message. I would avoid her at all costs! You and your husband are her family and you have no obligation to expose your baby to her.

OMG just grow a backbone and answer her back with the same energy that she feels she is entitled to speak to you with. You don't need your husband to speak to her on your behalf.
And also- tell her all feeding is baby led. If a baby doesn't want to eat then they wont- whether you leave it in front of them or spoon feed them.

Next time she turns up unannounced, just say

"I really hate unannounced drop-in visits, I probably should have told you that before. I'm not up for a visit today, so you can head off now and can you text before you come over next time and I'll let you know if it's convenient; save you a wasted journey then."

Shut the door, job done.

People like this always back down when confronted so instead of ignoring her you really need to say something.

I'd be clear but as friendly and polite as you can possibly manage which will take the wind right out of her sails and also, if there is any possibility she is doing to deliberately undermine you, will make it clear it doesn't bother you (even though we know it does).

She says exactly what she wants to you.

You just need to start doing the exact same thing back.

"God you're so smug", "did I ask for your advice ", "fuck off with your put downs"

No need for no contact. Just start communicating in her language. Let them talk.

Just tell her to fuck off. In a very bored voice

Ooh, I just thought, how about saying what you think, but also to the baby in a silly voice? Aunty is soooo rude, isn't she? Yes she is! We wish she would just fuck off, don't we? Yes we do. Oooh yes we do!" I'd pay money to see that 😂

You have a voice don't you? Tell her you don't appreciate her unannounced visits and judgemental comments!

I would open the door and say ‘sorry but we are just getting ready to go out - please give me a call next time before dropping over to avoid a wasted visit’ then close it!
I would do this every time (even if it meant I had to get up and take baby out somewhere 🤣) until she got the message!