AIBU to not care about pleasantries with colleagues?

[mamabeeboo]

Just wanting some opinions on this.

We are a team of 8 and all work remotely, since the pandemic. Each week, we have a one hour team call where we 'don't talk about work'. We also have a whatsapp group.

This is a one hour call to replace the office coffee chat, where we share photos on our whatsapp group about our 'highlights' of the week - holiday photos, the kids in the park, birthdays, netflix recommendations etc.

I find it very superficial. I don't like sharing photos of my kids or personal life, and to be honest, I don't really care about anyone else's personal life. I don't even download any of their photos to my phone. I listen politely but the whole call is very boring for me. When it's my turn to speak, I blag a short 'I did this, it was nice', 60 secs max.

I've suggested to management to do this every 2 weeks, answer no. I have suggested that I want to only attend sometimes, and was met with 'please try to prioritise this call, since we work remotely and it's the way to get to know the team'.

I am used to the office chit-chat over coffee about nice weather and traffic complaints. That's it.

AIBU to not care about colleagues' personal life and want to not join these calls?

Absolutely understand the not wanting to share your private life & I'd not be joining an enforced chat once a week - I've got actual work to be getting on with.

Don't get me wrong I love a bit of office chit chat but sometimes it's a bit much & there's definitely an element of over sharing - a few of us have grandchildren around the same age & I honestly have to bite my tongue & not say "I'm not this interested in my own grandchild" when they're regaling us with tales of wee Jeannie's latest escapade & yes there are accompanying photos.

Disclaimer: I adore DGS but he's not the be all & end all of my life.

Create a bullshit existence, Photoshop your face on a film star on the red carpet, on a sky diver, Paris for the weekend in front of the Eiffel tower etc.

Your fantasy life is as valid as the searingly dreary lives of your colleagues

I've made up some stories for work in my time, some were taken as gospel, others not so much.

I bet some of your colleagues are exaggerating their not so exciting private lives.

I agree, forced socialising is bollocks. It certainly doesn’t take into account the neurodiversity amongst the workforce who’s forced social participation is not annoying, it’s mentally uncomfortable.

should be optional

But surely the 1 hour chat in work time saves you a ton of time as you don't have to commute? Just be superficial if that's what they want and count the savings in petrol, parking, train whatever - not to mention time saved!

It also misses one critical aspect of work socialising which is that 80% of work “social” conversations revolve around people talking about work.

By far the most important and interesting aspect of work friendships is bitching about colleagues and this is how people bond at work, not showing photos of their son’s football team or their cat’s antics.

You can’t bitch about colleagues on an officially sanctioned “whole team” zoom call.

Not having much in common with colleagues doesn't mean someone isn't a social person.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds this uncomfortable. A teams call where we all go around taking turns to speak about our weekly highlights is forced. Almost like an adult "circle time".

I don't mind small talk between calls. But in the office, it wouldn't be mandatory, I can choose who I wish to speak to and it's not an intense hour. It's also spontaneous.

Also, my work is based on output, not time. So any time spent not working, means the work just piles up left for another time. But would still be me. So it's not like "get paid to chit chat" per se.

If others want to make friends at work, or feel isolated at home, or want to meet someone, then maybe wfh isn't for them.

I would also find a whole hour forced.

I do think though, it illustrates why you need face-to-face meetings if possible, once a month minimum. It's one thing to keep collegiate relationships with people you've met, locked eyes with and chatted with in person, it's another to try to establish them from scratch.

I prefer hybrid anyway, I think it suits the older/younger contingent needs, I'm in favour of at least one day a week where we are all in at the same time, but if that can't be achieved, once a month social/work event is a starting point. It also has to be a lot more ingenious than going around boring people with photos.

After each monologue, we are asked "so does anyone have any questions?". It's not an organic conversation. At times I want to laugh cos it's ridiculous.

I’m cringing even at the thought of this, sounds like something off a sitcom.

Is there an option for you to have a power cut/ internet problems every week just at that time?

Technically as this is not essential for work (at least for you) it could be termed harassment, if you are not permitted to opt out, or as you propose, have the call less often.

Hopefully you would never have to call it that and you can persuade your manager to accept your alternative suggestion.

That's my idea of hell. And we don't have time at work to waste an hour.

We have team days where people come instead. But I absolutely hate talking on teams. It feels forced and artificial. In person, it's much better and not fake feeling. I have anxiety about being on camera.

We have one veryyyy high up boss who keeps trying to force coffee talks like we have team. You don't have to attend but I did once and all the management was only talking and it was so cringe. You could tell they were talking to force it so no gaps in conversation.

She’s hardly being asked to sort it is shes having a chat. Now if there was suggested nights out etc I’d be right behind her saying no but this is in works time.

Banal group chit chat would do my head in. I love people. I love to find out about people. In the context of an online group though there's unlikely to be any depth and I like the depth.

That does sound dire.

But somehow employers do need to find ways to replicate that sense of being a "team" which can be lost if everyone is remote. Maybe you could suggest a better option?

Otherwise I think employers will increasingly decide that some office attendance is needed.

I started a mainly remote new job and felt quite isolated until the employer ensured there was one team day a week in the office. And I am a senior and experienced professional with a busy family and social life. I have a health condition that means working from home is vastly better, but I can see so clearly all the intangible benefits of us being in the office together once a week

How will the chat ever become organic if you don't get to know them. You sound very self centered.

Can't you just read an ebook/check the news/scroll Mumsnet during the chat session?

I actually think these types of calls should be actively encouraged but not mandatory.
So basically it shouldn’t seem virtuous to miss them (and thereby look like you are prioritising work) but if you really don’t enjoy them, you don’t have to attend.

I WFH mostly and I quite enjoy a catch up with colleagues over teams. However, I’ve been in calls with folks who clearly didn’t want to be there and made it clear that they couldn’t wait to get off the call. I don’t think that’s beneficial for anyone

I would absolutely hate and resent these meetings too, I am a firm believer in keeping a clear distinction between colleagues and friends and keeping relationships professional.

However i don’t think you’re going to win this, so could you just say something token (something about food is always a safe bet) and then mute your mic and discreetly play on your phone/read a book outside of the camera view or something for the remaining hour?

It feels very forced. Like i work from home. I have a whats app group with some of the girls from the office and we’ll meet up for drinks/food. I’ll have general chit chat with colleagues as and when I need to speak to them. I don’t feel like a scheduled call is needed. If they want you to be closer etc then they should get you back in the office