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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Adult son doesn’t pay me back

51 replies

littlemouse8 · 18/07/2024 09:57

Just for context my 24 year old son lives with his girlfriend and both work full time and are buying their own house.
i had a discount at a shop and at the weekend my son asked if we could go shopping and use the discount to buy a barbecue and a Lego set that he wanted. They bought some groceries as well
I bought a few bulky items to make the most of getting a lift home in his car. I gave the receipt to his girlfriend and she was going to work out what they owed with the discount and send me the money later in the day. It would have been just over £100
I got a message later saying sorry but she’d left the receipt in the car (parked outside their house).
They are both quite scatty so I imagine it’s been forgotten but they had a barbecue party the next day so would have thought actually using the barbecue would have been a reminder to pay me! I know they have the money available as her Dad gave them £1000 out of the blue as a gift. They told me that just before we went shopping
Anyway I’m now left feeling a bit resentful and feel like I can’t remind them to pay me back without feeling really mean but at the same time I know this feeling is going to fester for a while.
It’s not really about the money as I can afford it at the moment and ordinarily I might have offered to pay anyway as I have done in the past. I like to help them out a bit here and there. But that wasn’t the arrangement and I feel a bit taken advantage of and overlooked. I don’t know what to do and feel quite hurt.

OP posts:
fruitbrewhaha · 18/07/2024 10:09

Just drop him a reminder today.

WhistPie · 18/07/2024 10:10

Tell him to pay you back, and don't let him have the discount again.

Or if you do, get him to pay the shop and you pay him back for your items.

TomatoSandwiches · 18/07/2024 10:11

Just text your son and say have you looked at the recipt yet with your transfer details so there's no ambiguity.

Hermittrismegistus · 18/07/2024 10:22

Why do you feel it's mean to ask for money that you are owed?

BippetyBoppetyBooHoo · 18/07/2024 10:23

Just remind them, you've said they are scatty.

andfinallyhereweare · 18/07/2024 10:32

I wouldn’t be chasing my son for 100quid… but up to you I guess?

MissUltraViolet · 18/07/2024 10:33

They had no problem asking to use your discount and have you pay for it all.

Text him and ask him if he found the receipt because you've noticed the money hasn't been returned yet. Say if they can't find it you'll check your bank and work out what is owed from the total.

DeeCeeCherry · 18/07/2024 11:00

Although they have a cheek, I think I'd let it go this time. They are 2 grown adults and should know better. However going forward, if they ask to use your discount card again just get them to pay at the till and don't get into 'you pay it Mum, and we'll refund you'. Don't hand over receipt either - keep it. & that's a good time to remind them that they didn't pay you back last time actually.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 18/07/2024 11:01

Just ask him to pay you back.

Creamnose · 18/07/2024 11:03

I wouldn't hesitate to remind DS.

5475878237NC · 18/07/2024 11:03

Hello X I'm just reminding you to please transfer me the money to X bank account.

Nothing rude about it.

Creamnose · 18/07/2024 11:04

And I'd say, if you can't find the receipt or don't have time to work it out, I reckon it's about £100.

Mrsjayy · 18/07/2024 11:06

Hey son can you transfer that shopping money today, it must have slipped your mind .

It doesn't have to be a big deal.

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 18/07/2024 11:07

Jesus OP, this is your son.

Just text him and ask him to pay you back ASAP.

PonyPatter44 · 18/07/2024 11:08

andfinallyhereweare · 18/07/2024 10:32

I wouldn’t be chasing my son for 100quid… but up to you I guess?

Well, good for you, dear, but some of us aren't rolling in money and 100 quid is a fair chunk of cash. I would definitely be sending the twit a nice reminder.

Mrsjayy · 18/07/2024 11:12

Op your son Is a man he isn't a .teenager who you have given a "cheeky fiver" to just ask him.

Nocturna · 18/07/2024 11:19

Unless there's a drip feed where he's always taking money from you, I'd say he's just a bit scatterbrained and has forgotten. Just drop him a reminder, they have probably lost the receipt, in which case you know it is around 100

wtfissummer · 18/07/2024 11:24

Your son?

just tell him he's not paid you back yet

Bananaadramaa · 18/07/2024 11:27

Give it a couple of days and if no money send a reminder “Have you had a chance to transfer the money from the other day?”

FinallyHere · 18/07/2024 11:28

TomatoSandwiches · 18/07/2024 10:11

Just text your son and say have you looked at the recipt yet with your transfer details so there's no ambiguity.

This

pikkumyy77 · 18/07/2024 11:32

They don’t need the receipt to know they owe you the money. Just remind him.

Ohnobackagain · 18/07/2024 11:36

@littlemouse8 just remind them. And if need be check the store prices. You shouldn’t feel you have to turn this into a gift to avoid the awkward conversation!

Shinyandnew1 · 18/07/2024 11:37

Creamnose · 18/07/2024 11:04

And I'd say, if you can't find the receipt or don't have time to work it out, I reckon it's about £100.

This. It’s not worth feeling resentful and overlooked by such a close relative who you presumably see often and have a good relationship with?! Just send a reminder!

seagullible · 18/07/2024 11:48

If he can afford to buy lego he can afford to pay you back for it.

MikeRafone · 18/07/2024 11:50

Just send a message and say - you can have it as your xmas present if you like - otherwise can you transfer the £100 asap