Adult son doesn’t pay me back

[littlemouse8]

Just for context my 24 year old son lives with his girlfriend and both work full time and are buying their own house.
i had a discount at a shop and at the weekend my son asked if we could go shopping and use the discount to buy a barbecue and a Lego set that he wanted. They bought some groceries as well
I bought a few bulky items to make the most of getting a lift home in his car. I gave the receipt to his girlfriend and she was going to work out what they owed with the discount and send me the money later in the day. It would have been just over £100
I got a message later saying sorry but she’d left the receipt in the car (parked outside their house).
They are both quite scatty so I imagine it’s been forgotten but they had a barbecue party the next day so would have thought actually using the barbecue would have been a reminder to pay me! I know they have the money available as her Dad gave them £1000 out of the blue as a gift. They told me that just before we went shopping
Anyway I’m now left feeling a bit resentful and feel like I can’t remind them to pay me back without feeling really mean but at the same time I know this feeling is going to fester for a while.
It’s not really about the money as I can afford it at the moment and ordinarily I might have offered to pay anyway as I have done in the past. I like to help them out a bit here and there. But that wasn’t the arrangement and I feel a bit taken advantage of and overlooked. I don’t know what to do and feel quite hurt.

next time you go shopping you get them to pay

As others have said, send them a message to remind them. If they've lost the receipt, they can easily look the items up online. Or you can if you remember what they bought and you can send them the links.

@andfinallyhereweare

why wouldn’t you?

especially given it was to buy Lego as opposed to the electricity bill for example.

@LuckySantangelo35 I just wouldn’t, it’s 100 quid… he’s just moved into a new place I couldn’t see my dad chasing me for that or me chasing my kids… I don’t know everyone’s different right?

You birthed him, potty trained him and taught him how to use a spoon, you can definitely text him and ask him to pay up I promise ;)

I don’t think this is something to feel hurt about. They might be hoping you’ll let it go, or they might just have forgotten.

Send a message -Hi, just a quick reminder you still owe me from the weekend. I think £100 should do it, bank details are….

My DS is 25. Scatty as. You have to keep reminding them. Honestly. I do!

I like to transfer money to my parents straightaway in this situation or I forget. They know this. Last time, my dad said before you try to pay me back, I owe you some money cos I bought your brother x yesterday so I'll pay for this for you as a gift.
If I did forget, I really wouldn't mind him saying something like, can you send me over that money for the lego/BBQ shop we did. If you want to phrase it more delicately I'm sure you could by adding, I'm sure you've been busy/I've just remembered and I don't think you did send it but I might be wrong/ just had a thought, don't send my the money for bbq/lego and next time it can be your shout etc.

What a fuss over nothing , just text / WhatsApp him and say don’t forget you’ve not sent me the money yet .

Just message him. They are adults and have said they will pay you but haven’t So they shouldn’t have a problem with being reminded. If the money doesn’t appear you know what to do next time say no !

Of course you can remind them, why can’t you?

Well it’s a cheap loan as whilst they owe you this they can’t ask for anything else - you either ask for the money or never lend again - this is how my MIL treated my BIL when she ‘lent’ him £1,000 - she knew she’d never get it back so she gave my husband £1,000 and accepted that her other son couldn’t ask her for money again.

I’d remind them as that was the agreement and they did take advantage of your discount. Was the shopping all done at the same place. If they have “lost” the receipt you may be able to get a copy from the shop.
Don’t let them wriggle out of it!

If they don't pay you back they got a great discount - a 100%.

I can't understand people who are saying they wouldn't chase their son for £100 it may not seem like a lot of money to you or them, but it's the principal, you should pay your debts, you don't take advantage of people like that it's wrong and it's mean spirited. Let them away with it once they'll do it again to you and to others.

OP she messaged you to say sorry the receipt was left in the car which was parked right outside her house, why did she not go and get it and sort it out? that's lazy cheeky fuckery.

“Hi son, have you found the receipt yet? Don’t worry otherwise , round it up to £100 and I’ll let you off the rest 😘”

end of text all done. Don’t let them become cf’s or they will always be like this .

Couldn't agree more!

This is perfect.

feel like I can’t remind them to pay me back without feeling really mean

I think it is your job as a parent to ask for the money back, and not let this slide out of misplaced embarrassment. He's still young and still obviously needs to be taught that you pay people back straight away when you owe them money, and return anything borrowed asap in the same condition.

I've got an adult son and we are generous with him but if something is borrowed I certainly don't let it slide. If he asks me to buy something using my amazon prime account he usually pays for it within minutes (and certainly within a day) via a transfer - it doesn't matter the value. The very same day I may pay give him a gift but this is completely separate, it is my choice to give that. You do not go around spending other people's money and are then flaky and tardy about paying it back!

For crying out loud - why would you let this fester when you can just remind them to pay you back?

I’m not sure what the handwringing and feeling hurt and upset is about. You’re all adults, just text him and ask if he’s found the receipt yet as he hasn’t paid you back. I don’t understand the drama.

I'd let it go (you have said you don't need the money). Clearly an oversight on son's part. He's buying a house. Hasn't caused you any big problems....

Next time he uses his card to pay .
You live and learn

I hope I won’t become this kind of mother. You don’t seem in need of £100, it is your son, c’mon. Being petty and becoming resentful and keeping on thinking about this episode tells it all. I would try and understand why this makes you feel this way. It is worrying. If you needed them, it’s another story ofc.