To think nearly everyone is unhappy and / or anxious?

[Rainbowsprings]

I feel like everyone I know (including me) is struggling. I think it’s partly age - my friends and I are all 40s so this is when health stuff starts, parents start dying / getting sick but kids still need us.
I literally don’t know anyone who isn’t sad or anxious or both. I can’t decide if it makes me feel ‘better’ or worse. I think worse tbh. Everyone I speak to seems to have some sort of awful thing happening or have recently happened:
friend one - dad killed himself a year ago
friend two - husband has cancer and dad is ill
friend three - sister just died of cancer
friend four - recently got pregnant with miracle baby but miscarried at 16 weeks.
friend five - going through divorce and just been made redundant
friend six - unhappy with husband and in an abusive relationship
friend seven - dc diagnosed profoundly autistic, non-verbal and violent at times towards her and siblings.

Everywhere I look people are sad and worried and overwhelmed.
I am feeling very much the same myself and I do feel like - life is basically just one long relentless struggle with precious little joy. I really wish I hadn’t had my dc because I seriously feel like has so little to offer. I am traumatised that I could have another 40 years of feeling like this if - god forbid - I make it to 80.

AIBU to think that there’s so much sadness and distress and it’s disproportionate to the joy / hope?

Anxiety and unhappiness are different things. It sounds trite, but everyone has their troubles. That’s what much of life is and it’s unrealistic to think otherwise.
I’m ill with cancer, but I’m neither particularly anxious or unhappy. Obviously, I’d rather not have my life shortened, but I’m coming to terms with it. There’s joy to be had still, and peace.

Not so. Because you aren't feeling great, you are only noticing other people who you think may feel similarly.
Plus, as you get older you will become much more philosophical about death & illness..... they are just normal parts of life, and not something to make you anxious.

YABU. I don't feel like this and I wouldn't say I have an amazing life - I am not in a good financial position for a start.

It's what you make it. I do find joy in the everyday. I got made redundant last year. It is what it is, no point in stressing. I got back out there and found a new job.

Everyone has issues, that's true. But it doesn't always make people feel depressed or anxious long term.

My husband is quite unemotional generally and very emotionally stable. He feels sad sometimes for various reasons but he feels sad and then feels better and life goes on. His normal is content and in the moment.

Whereas I overthink things and tend to ride a more hormonal rollercoaster.

Having said that, I don't think many are permanently happy and adults life is certainly tough. Lowering expectations is probably a good thing to do if you can.

When you reach middle age it is 100% certain you will start to encounter illness and death both among those you know and love and at some point among your most loved ones. The only way to avoid this is to die yourself first.

My experience is that you will encounter more sadness and grief but also a much deeper appreciation of the stuff that matters. Less emphasis on material possessions and more on the small things that bring us joy and self worth.

I have recently (very recently) suffered a huge bereavement. I wouldn’t class myself as anxious. Unhappy in that I’m very devastated but I’m also very conscious that I’m surrounded by love and support and will always have the best memories.

It’s how you approach things. We are all different.

I wonder for me if it’s peri.
I am so anxious - mainly first thing in the morning - but the last couple of weeks I’ve been unable to concentrate at work. I have a long term chronic condition which currently is making me unwell more days than it doesn’t and I’m not sleeping very well. None of that helps.
I think I’m just feeling very overwhelmed and when I hear how unhappy everyone else is I feel more overwhelmed because I feel as though it is hopeless.

I’m not anxious or unhappy.
late 40’s and this year lots of sad situations for friends, especially cancer diagnoses.
i am sad about and for them but it doesn’t dominate my thinking.
i take citalopram for my residual anxiety and I feel steady.

I've had plenty of problems down the years, and am a very happy person (and I have cancer - if anything, it has made me happier, and made me enjoy and appreciate the good things in life more)

There are many articles on the internet that explain why we are most unhappy in our 40s, then our happiness will increase as we age, and a boost when our husband dies!

I think these days there's more pressure on ppl (especially women) to do everything and be everything if that makes sense. As well as being there for others etc. Add in financial worries and personal tragedies on top of everything else and I think it's no wonder ppl are struggling with their mental health more than ever

I think if you know friends or loved ones are having a hard time you're less likely to share nice things that have happened to you as it might seem tactless.

Have my fair share of struggles (a chronic health condition and a non verbal autistic son) but my life is still filled with lots of joy, love and nice things. The bad things don't eclipse the good.

I am not overly anxious. I had some hard times in the pandemic, but I am not sad all the time and find plenty of joy in life. I am reasonably healthy, which I am grateful for. So is my family.

I try to surround myself with people who can find joy in small things too. Life is tough enough without constant doom mongering.

Oh and I am a decade older than you and still find life fun, mostly. Not always.

Yes and no. I’ve had some terrible things happen and I cry and occasionally have panic attacks. But overall, I think it’s about enjoying small simple stuff. That I have an awesome very young DC makes it easier to focus on the positive. That said, I’m currently in a pretty major health scare, so I’m really hoping that’s ok otherwise am not sure how I’ll cope with that

I don't get that impression at all from the people I know tbh. I'm early 50s and in peri. Had a really anxious period about 6 months ago, but realised it was probably hormonal and started taking some supplements which have helped massively. I have a busy job and my mum is going downhill (beginnings of dementia, we think), but my day-to-day life is really pretty good!

I'm anxious and happy. It's a rollercoaster lol

I do know what you mean @Rainbowsprings as whenever I spend time with friends all this sad stuff comes out that I didn’t realise people are dealing with. Illness, divorce and major life regrets seem to be the themes. And family members siblings and parents being unwell.

I do think it’s our age and just a realisation also that life can be hard and it’s just a journey with highs and lows.

it also makes me feel more sad that the world is full of sad and hard things. But I try every day to focus on all the kindness and joy I can bring to life xx

54, fat, menopausal, broke and with a shit job. I’m actually generally quite content though because I count the many blessings I have like my lovely family, my reasonable health, light nights, good food, laughing with my DH etc. I look at the news and around the world and I know my life could be a whole heap worse.

I'm an anxious person, always have been. It runs in the family. However I'm very happy. I really love my life and think I'm very lucky.

I have noticed the same thing of everyone I know suddenly having life difficulties or some kind of trouble at the moment. It’s very widespread in the 40-50 age range. It’s very hard for everyone and hard not to get anxious about it.

I don't think this is reflective of people generally. I'm certainly not unhappy or anxious, and nor are most of the people in my friendship groups. I think perhaps we subconsciously are drawn to people who we see as similar to ourselves?

I don’t find this at all, I’m mid 40s and most people I know seem generally happy and positive. I’ve got parents with health issues, preteens with crazy hormones, run a successful business which can be all consuming but I’m happy and positive 99% of the time. I’m pretty pragmatic and probably spend time with similar people

Actual anxiety is a MH issue surely rather than a mindset, some people are always glass half empty but I don’t see it’s true that everyone is unhappy and anxious

I experienced this feeling after giving birth. Awful anxiety in the mornings and lack of concentration. General doom and gloom feeling. It was definitely hormonal and I have some colleagues who experienced the same once they were perimenopausal. I found a small dose of sertraline helped x

OP, you should go to your GP. But I would also suggest surrounding yourself with cheerier friends. Radiators, not drains. They do exist. Even in your 50s. Yes death and illness dog us at this age, but we need to keep swimming.

Me too, 25mg sertraline