To not want to get him anything?

[MooonDreamz]

I expect Mumsnet will tell me I am not being unreasonable but applying real life logic I being a bit of a bitch?

I have a colleague who often seems to ask me to get them things. Examples - I'm buying some chocolates so he wants some too. I offered to buy on this occasion as I had a good discount. Next time I am buying something from a market stall we are passing on the way back from lunch. He is in a rush so asks me to get it for him and he will pay me. He did pay me but it annoyed me we had walked past them twice before and he had not noticed but when I bought it he thought he was missing out. This morning I was buying coffees on the way in, which he knew as he texted me asking if I am in the office today, and I said yes just waiting for my coffee. He called me and asked how much is an espresso and can I get home one. I told him I'd already been served and so would need to order again. He laughed. He often laughs at things. I then felt liked I would seem like a bitch if I went back to the office without it when I was going to be sitting next to him. When I got in he asked how much it was, commented it was expensive, but did not pay me. It's a subsidised cafe in our building so was only £2 so he might think it doesn't matter but it is starting to annoy me. He is very quick to ask for things, ask me to go over and talk to him, comes over and asks when I'm free for a meeting (as if I should stop what I'm doing and check my diary right there). We get along but I find him a bit overbearing at times!

You’re being too available. Giving too much info - explaining where you are and what you’re doing, why?? Do you like him a bit and he’s making full use of it perhaps. He’s become over familiar and slightly controlling. You need to tell him less and be less friendly.

A man has got a woman running round him. Ugh.

OP I wish we could swap places. One day working with me and he wouldn’t do any of this stuff again.

I would only ever do a favour that didn't get paid back once. If they ask a second time then they are seeing if they can take the piss. If that works, then the CF will see the floodgates as open and he can now Ponce and scrounge at every possible opportunity.
Fucking wanker. Tell him you haven't paid me back for any of the other things I bought for you so I'm definitely not foolish enough to buy you anything else. Then laugh at him. Seeing as he likes laughter so much.

As someone who has made some really close friends at work I also have had situations where a person has made me comfortable with their familiarity with me and I’ve had to distance myself. Personally I would do just that and maybe explain that some of his behaviours make you feel a bit uncomfortable?

He’s got a wife, he’s treating you like a ‘work wife’. It’s inappropriate actually. He’s controlling you and testing you. Watch out.

Or even just 'I'll be there shortly ', no 'open' responses which allow him to say eg ' I wanted you get me a.....on the way in' etc

Sounds like he is trying to turn you into his personal assistant

So just say no.
Do you want to go to.lunch...?
No, I need some me time, see you in an hour.
What are you doing ?
On my way go work.
Are you getting coffee. ?
No I got one 10 mins ago...
Can you get me one?
Light, laughter, No ,you will have to grab one yourself...
Can you buy me x....?
No, as I decided to not lend anyone any money, as it causes problems. The bank is over there.
Can we have a meeting... ?
Can you drop me a message about what you need to know...

Years ago in my 20's i had a colleague who kept asking me to get stuff for her when i went out to the shops in my lunch break....this was rarely paid back and i became more and more resentful....back then i was terrified of confrontation so told her id left my bank card at home and only had enough cash on me for my lunch....if it was now id tell her to f off.

Stand up for yourself. No sorry can't do it.
Nope I've left the cafe now.
Naa I can't be bothered to queue again.
Don't do that. It's my property. Please don't drink from my cup again.
Move over I feel squashed by you.
No that's private.
I've already told you.
I ll deal with that when I'M Free not now.
No
No
Move over you big lump.
Watch my space you're too close.
I'm busy.

He is a cheeky, lazy fucker! Buy yourself a fancy coffee from somewhere else tomorrow. If he comments just roll your eyes and laugh back at him. He will be a pain until he gets the message.

You're not being unreasonable.

Just don't answer his texts or if he asks in the office just say 'no you'll have to pop out - I'm not your slave' and then laugh

This is one time where I maybe think he does fancy you.

You shouldn't have gone back to the counter today. You'd already bought yours.

He should have paid you.

Just don't get him anything again. It's a one way street wi to him being the only beneficiary (both time and financially) so put a stop to it. Ignore the messages and if he dares to bring it up just say he was too late or you only had enough hands/money/time/headspace/whatever to get your own.

If he does then don't take it any further.

If he fancies her he should be trying to impress not getting her to run about after him.

If he's like that at this stage imagine six months or six years down the line. Grim.

Next time he asked me to buy him something I would jokingly say 'no, you didn't pay me for the last thing I bought you' and not buy him anything.

I would also create some distance, he sounds odd.

Gross, why is he drinking from your cup and picking up your phone. It would be a problem before 2020, but hello, covid anyone?? He sounds like he is testing your boundaries and discovering you have none.

Don't make it that formal and serious. Just laugh and say "hey - paws off!"

This is why the answer 'yeah. Right' would have to be invented if it did not already exist. Next time he asks for something, if you can't bear to ignore his request or send a row of crying laughing emojis , reply yeah. Right.

If he is foolish enough to ask you why you didn't get whatever it was, say you assumed he was joking. And stick to it

Don't get swept up in it, stand back and observe how many times he has to be disappointed before he gets the message.

I once had a colleague who was similar. She would ask me if I was going to the shop on my break and then if I said yes she’d ask if I could buy her the triple breakfast sandwich. I kept trying to say I only had a tenner cash and needed to make it last for the rest of the week, but she didn’t seem to care and I still ended up buying her lunch. Obviously she’d promise to pay me back each time, but it never happened. Never again!

My husband does this but I have to tolerate it because I did marry him. We work from home quite often and he would never eat what I’m eating if I just made it for him and gave it to him but he’ll choose something to eat and then when he sees what I have he then wants that - it doesn’t annoy me when my children do it but my husband manages to. Just stop telling your colleague what you are doing and ignore his calls, He sounds exhausting and you sound like you’re being too nice.

Don't be so quick to answer his calls, then he won't know you're getting coffees etc

Just stop, OP. Don't answer the phone or check texts when you're out. Don't tell him in advance which shops you're going to. Say Sorry, can't do that, I'm in a hurry if he asks directly. And keep your phone in your bag!