Do I have it pretty good and not realise it? Or is this as ‘meh’ as I feel?

[hmmwhatyou]

In a total headspin.

In 2020 my life turned upside down. I’m a single parent to a 3 year old and had to find my own home (ex left and didn’t speak for an entire year, nor did he see DD). it was 18 months of hell frankly, until I found a place to live and got over the shock. W does now see dd but that’s not really relevant to this post.

I now live in a nice little village, good connections to cities, nearby wider family. Though don’t see them often. House isn’t perfect but it’s spacious, views, modern with character. Parents kindly gave me 100k to help and so I have 50% equity in 600k home. I work from home mostly, earn 4K after tax. Some days are quiet and I can do jobs round the house etc. I see friends when I can though a bit limited as a single parent.

The area is nice so I can walk to local shop and it’s clean and people look out for one another.

but…

im honestly so bored. Itchy feet all the time. Feel like life is passing me by. Is this a normal way to feel at this age? And with a toddler? I guess I’m only just reflecting on what happened and whilst I’ve ended up ok, I don’t really feel I actively made decisions, I just had to cope if that makes sense? Life is pleasant but I’m bored. I think about moving to a city again or changing jobs or something else… I don’t know. Would I be mad to rock the boat on what I have? I’m so confused

If you want to move or change jobs then do it! Yeah some of this is just life, but there’s nothing stopping you from making some changes if you want to - what new job would you like to do? Where would you like to live?

@Changingplace this is the thing, I just don’t know. I feel like I ended up here out of circumstances thrown upon me but it actually hasn’t been all bad. I am just bored. Every day is the same. It’s lovely but same old.

Can you plan some travel. I do that to counteract my constant boredom and itchy feet. I know it's me and I take the weather with me so travel keeps me sane.

I think you are just coming down from the adrenaline of what's happened. You have probably been in fight or flight mode for some time. Whilst it's a relief it's over it probably also feels a bit boring in comparison. But a good boring. I'd give it 6 months to get used to the feeling of being settled and having nothing to worry about. If you still feel bored and fed up then look at making some changes. But for now just sit with it and try to appreciate the peace and get used to not being on edge all the time.

If you're not happy, make some changes. It's not about whether you're 'meant' to be happy with what you have, or 'you're lucky so you should be happy'.

You're the boss: what do you want your life to look like?

Having a toddler is very boring. Doing it on your own is hard. Add to that the upheaval you've had over the last few years and no wonder you're feeling worn out. Go easy on yourself. You might need a change or you might just need a rest and some time to breathe and get your head back on straight. Life should get a bit less dull as your little one grows up.

@piscofrisco is very wise. I would also start making some plan for ‘nice things’.

For me, I can have a to do list as long as my arm of urgent/ essential things that need doing, once they are done and out of the way, I can feel a sense of come-down, as though I’d got a lot of mileage out of these barriers, in terms of having a clear purpose and feeling aligned with what I’m doing. It feels like thumb-twiddling when they no longer loom over me.

The best things I find for this feeling is to plan to do something that scares me a bit and the low-level stress this causes me is just the ticket. Booking plane tickets, planning itineraries, coordinating things, etc.

I think it's OK to get itchy feet, you're presumably still reasonably young before you have a toddler.

Can you pinpoint the issue, is it where you live? Your LO is young enough that moving her isn't difficult, if you leave it for another year or so you'll have to think about schools.

Is it your work? Would it help to go into work more often, you might feel more engaged with your work (but I don't like WFH so that might just be me!)? Or would a new job give you a new challenge that would lift you out of your boredom?

Or would changing your social life do it? Do you want to start dating or would a pottery class/book club/joining the WI be enough?

Take this boredom as an opportunity to reflect on what would make your life better. Just because something is comfortable doesn't mean you should stagnate.

This happens when your needs are met. Life is boring without struggle

You don't know you're born OP, as my Dnan used to say.

You would be utterly crazy to change anything.

If you were childless, I'd say go for it.

But you're not childless. And so I say that you owe it to your child to give them a stable life. You can't just up and go every other year when you get itchy feet. If you want to move, move. But you'd better make damn sure that you're not going to bored there in a couple of years too.

I really like this book and also her podcast interviews for getting inspired and working out what you want…. https://www.yourdreamlifestartshere.com/
its the webpage but she has a book of same name
I just found it a risk free way of moving from survival to actually daring to think creatively about the future
good luck!! well done for getting through last few years

I think you have it REALLY good.

What are the local schools like, the commute etc. My advice is to continue living the slightly boring, comfy life for as long as possible. Keep bagging the money and the mostly headache free, low fuss, low drama life.

It could get a lot worse.

Are there ways you could spice it up a little. Do you want to date? Go on holidays? Find new hobbies to add some excitement.

Don't throw away a happy life in a potentially very stressy time in life, purely because you are bored. Find ways to alleviate your boredom without up rooting your calm, comfortable life.

4k on your own after tax is very good.
You can half your house. Young to gave this.
A safe home area, that going outside is possible, also walking to the shops., never underestimate how easy that is on life.
Once your child enters school, your life will change again, just plan travel and adventures till you get caught up in school life, then see how you feel as right now you have time to enjoy your child's baby years. They stoop soon enough.

“Life is pleasant but I’m bored”
I do understand that feeling but … there is nothing like stress to take away the boredom… maybe reflect on that a little bit before making any rash decisions

I think it’s just life with a toddler to be honest. You kinda put your life on hold until they are older.

I get what you mean, although I've had nowhere near the stressors you have had.
I do find my life pretty boring and I don't really have much to look forward to for myself. However, I absolutely hate drama and stress and upheaval so I just remind myself of that and try to luxuriate in my relatively drama free life. Even if I don't really do anything, or go anywhere or anything apart from work and parent. That is ok.

Can you work from the office more? I really struggled with WFH everyday. Life with young kids is still hard but at least I’m not looking at the same walls all day everyday!

Toddlers are boring.
Village life is boring.
The weight of responsibility is boring.

Need adventure.

Lots of life is pretty boring OP and about the minutiae of ensuring there is a roof over your head and food on the table . It’s up to you to find things to make it less boring , be that holidays or hobbies or planning awesome weekends . DD is at a tough age but will become more ready to come on adventures with you and will become a lot more interesting in her own right too .

You’ve had a shock but are perhaps lucky that things are stable for you both now . Spend some time figuring out what you like doing

Do you think you’d still feel bored/unfit filled if you were with someone ?

As in how would your life be different/ better if you’d not split ?

@serialcatbuyer this is interesting, I can see a pattern in my life that fits this very well

@PussInBin20 until when please? 😃

On paper you have a very nice life. But, in the same way that if someone plonked me in a penthouse apartment in Monaco with a villa up in the hills for the weekends: if it’s not for you, it doesn’t matter if it’s a very nice life on paper. It’s not the life for you.

That said, some introspection wouldn’t go amiss. Life with toddlers is extremely boring. It gets a lot better when they’re at school, and gets even better after that. But I don’t think this is the only issue. Itchy feet tend to suggest you’re looking for something that you don’t have, and it may not mean ditching your comfortable life to get it. Only you can know what that is. Is it a partner? Busy social life? More demanding career? To see the world? A more vibrant internal life? Intellectual pursuits? Try to compile your own list and ask yourself with each item “would I be happier in this house if I did/had [whatever]?”. That’ll help you decide whether it’s the choices you’ve made to get to this life, or something else entirely.

And, of course, you’re not a free agent any more. Your DD’s needs are critical at this age and will be for some years to come. You have to think for two.

City life would be much harder with a toddler. It can be boring with small children but they grow up very quickly. Maybe you are a little bit depressed and probably not getting out enough.