Do I have it pretty good and not realise it? Or is this as ‘meh’ as I feel?

[hmmwhatyou]

In a total headspin.

In 2020 my life turned upside down. I’m a single parent to a 3 year old and had to find my own home (ex left and didn’t speak for an entire year, nor did he see DD). it was 18 months of hell frankly, until I found a place to live and got over the shock. W does now see dd but that’s not really relevant to this post.

I now live in a nice little village, good connections to cities, nearby wider family. Though don’t see them often. House isn’t perfect but it’s spacious, views, modern with character. Parents kindly gave me 100k to help and so I have 50% equity in 600k home. I work from home mostly, earn 4K after tax. Some days are quiet and I can do jobs round the house etc. I see friends when I can though a bit limited as a single parent.

The area is nice so I can walk to local shop and it’s clean and people look out for one another.

but…

im honestly so bored. Itchy feet all the time. Feel like life is passing me by. Is this a normal way to feel at this age? And with a toddler? I guess I’m only just reflecting on what happened and whilst I’ve ended up ok, I don’t really feel I actively made decisions, I just had to cope if that makes sense? Life is pleasant but I’m bored. I think about moving to a city again or changing jobs or something else… I don’t know. Would I be mad to rock the boat on what I have? I’m so confused

You sound lonely to me.

Please read this article. I think you need to be spending more time with family, friends and look towards joining some groups. You sound like your rootless, you need to put down roots and feel more contented

www.nytimes.com/2024/07/13/magazine/robert-putnam-interview.html

I would love a relationship but I just can’t see it happening any time soon. I suppose that’s the main thing that makes me feel alone or that life is a bit on hold. And I say that without meaning I am waiting on someone to live my life, just that I have really lived my life independently and I now would love to share it. I know I don’t need someone.

You are probably just processing a massive change in your life. Tbh with small kids it does feel like groundhog day, it is pretty boring.

Don’t know much about village life but try to make sure you go out to every event, fetes or what have you, go to any toddler groups/activities that you can find.

Yes Groundhog Day is how it feels!!!

No advice but I understand

I have everything I could want but I'm bored

What’s the vision of your life if not this?

if you could wave a wand and make changes, what would you want to see and feel and experience?

you need to drill down into your dissatisfaction.
is it because you never imagine doing this alone? Because you have given up things for your child? Because certain things have been out in hold?

personally I feel you are very lucky to be so stable and well resourced. When you become a parent you have to put some things on hold for the benefit of your child - think about their life too.

you have the luxury of the space to feel bored…so what are you going to do with it?

@TheShiningCarpet i definitely never envisaged doing this alone. I do struggle with that sometimes. I guess I suddenly feel old. Wonder if I should have taken a different path etc

I think what you are experiencing is the feeling you get after you've come out the other side of trauma. I've experienced it myself.

I'll be honest, your set up sounds pretty idyllic.

I'd sit with your feelings for a while, do some therapy or self-help journal or something. Give yourself a bit of time before diving head first into something new. Breathe!

I'd do more.hours in the office, ist no wonder you're feeling meh if you're often at home alone

You need to make peace with the past and create a new vision for your life … think about your non negotiables, what you would want to take forward into this new life…and from
there you can start to identify the steps you can take to move towards that vision. It can underpin everything you do whether it’s spending money or how you spend your time off the fun things you do with your child what you want to teach your child about the world - every time you have a choice about where to spend your time your energy and your money you can ask yourself is this moving me closer towards the vision of what I want or is it moving me away and then you can choose wisely

perhaps you might benefit from some talking therapy to help you process these big life transitions becoming a mum a relationship pending moving into a new house. These are all massive things in your life. Don’t underestimate how stressful they can be whether it’s as positive stress or negative stress but ultimately you need to process, put behind you and get excited about this new future you have

and you are in a fantastic position to dream. You have safety you have security you have money so many people want to dream but they have so many other pressing serious life concerns that they have to tend to 1st so take advantage of the security safety that you have and allow yourself the time and space to dream your new future.

Life can be boring when children are young, but they are also very portable, why not look into working overseas or something. Have a think what kind of excitement you want in your life and go and get it. Life is for living and great you’re so comfortable financially but before you know it she will start school and then you’re restricted by that

I agree with this. After trauma, we do go into a bit of a headspin and can get a bit irrational and feel we want to make changes. I certainly have had this before after trauma. I would echo @SummerDays2020 and say just hang fire for a bit and don't make any big changes just now. I also agree with the PP mentioning when there is no struggle we can get bored.
I think therapy would be a good idea - to have someone ask you questions that will really force you to think why you're feeling the way you are right now.

I can relate OP. I'm separated, one DC at primary school and I have a busy full time job. I live comfortably on my salary and have a good amount of equity on my home. I co-parent and DC has solid relationship with their dad. Life is very comfortable but I am lonely and like you feel I've been surviving following separation. I was only thinking today after the school run that I feel rudderless and empty. I'm not sure what the answer is but I do try to see friends (the few i have) and try to plan fun things and holidays. It's hard though as even a joyous thing like holidays becomes a logistical and lonely challenge.

In your situation I wouldn't toss it all up in the air by moving or changing jobs, I would take some time to enjoy the calm in your life and try new things for you and DC. Perhaps try to make some good local friends.

You need a holiday and a male friend who occasionally stays over.

I'd start by going into the office more if that's possible.
Things crop up, different people are around, opportunities arise, both work related and social.
Seems like an easy tweak which could make a difference maybe?

"Wherever you go, there you are", as the saying goes. Perhaps you don't feel alive unless there's drama?

As others have suggested, you have spent so long in fight or flight that you’re probably experiencing the aftermath of the withdrawal of constant adrenaline and cortisol running round your system. I’m seeing something similar in my post GCSE and A level children. They’re rattling round the house decompressing and part time jobs and computer games just aren’t compensating for the lack of stress and pressure. You likely have that on a much grander scale. As other people have said, can you introduce some (positive) stress back into your life - studying for a new qualification or promotion, committing to going into the office 3 times a week, making an effort to spent time with family and friends, getting involved in your local community, taking up a hobby (cold water swimming springs to mind), mother toddler groups, church (not for me but if it helps to meet people it might be worth it). You might not be ready to date yet, but at least by getting out you might meet someone when you are. Plan holidays, trips, support local events. It will come eventually but it will take patience and effort.

What kind of life did you live before having a child and moving?

Did you live in a city/ town? Work a different job? Do more activities/ travel?

Living in a nice village raising a young child will be a routine life and will have its limits. If you lived a more spontaneous life before, moving jobs or moving won’t really change it, you’ll have the same challenges.

Would recommend you think of things you really enjoy. Do you want to meet new people? Take a sport really seriously? Try things you’ve never tried before? Volunteer and be a part of something meaningful?

Sounds like you have a beautiful life and you’re doing great. You probably just need a focus and challenge on top of your routine to give your life more meaning and challenge so you don’t get bored.

I felt a bit like you and doing the above made me feel anything but stuck in a rut.

Have also seen people feeling similar to what you’re feeling, moving etc, and still feel the same. You can’t become the person you were before, but you can enjoy the best bits of your new life and figure out who you want to be now.

Does Your daughter stay overnight with her dad or perhaps family?

Im thinking whether you could have a weekend to yourself to have an adventure and break up the routine a bit?

@BowlOfNoodles i think this is the bottom line 😂