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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to my friends wedding?

43 replies

louisaxx33 · 17/07/2024 11:26

Well it's my good friends friend but we have nights out together (with friend )
We never text or even chat,only meet up with friend.
Anyway she invited me to the night do of her wedding (probably to just be polite )
My good friend is going to the wedding and will be there all day.
The venue is near her house but I live nowhere near.
It's 55 mins drive (I don't drive )
I have nobody who can drive me there and back.
Checked taxi price and it's £55 each way
Checked trains and I would need to get 2 trains and then a 15 min taxi so still costing £40.
I would have to pay £50 for taxi home as no trains at midnight.
My good friend says it's not nice if I don't go but it's so out of the way for me
Aibu to not go?
I won't be missed
We aren't close
And she's probably only invited me out of duty

OP posts:
Illogicalgeological · 17/07/2024 11:27

I would absolutely give it a miss.

MiddleagedBeachbum · 17/07/2024 11:31

Make your excuses and thank for the invite but no don’t go

Original poster
louisaxx33 · 17/07/2024 11:32

Would you get her a gift ? And pass it on to friend ?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 17/07/2024 11:33

Yes, I'd send a card and gift

Original poster
louisaxx33 · 17/07/2024 11:50

My friend is trying to guilt trip me and all I'm thinking is
It's not my friend
I know that sounds awful but it's true

OP posts:
StitchVic · 17/07/2024 11:54

Don’t go OP. In order to keep things diplomatic though I’d be inclined to make a decent excuse and send a card/gift.

feemcgee · 17/07/2024 11:56

You don't have to go, the bride won't mind at all.

UrbanFan · 17/07/2024 11:57

You have no obligation to go. I suggest she has asked you just to be polite. Now you can politely decline. No reason necessary. Your 'actual' friend should understand. If not perhaps she should offer to put you up so that the logistics are less of a problem.

FuzzyStripes · 17/07/2024 11:58

I would politely decline and send a small gift or cheque with the RSVP.

PashaMinaMio · 17/07/2024 11:58

Woman up!
It’s ok to decline. It also means one less mouth to feed and pay for.

Make your decline decision and stick to it. No discussion with pushy friend. Just change the subject.

Once you’ve formally declined that’s it, END OF!

LurpakCunt · 17/07/2024 12:00

Your good friend is being an arse. Don't go and don't send a gift if you don't want to - a card is fine.

UrbanFan · 17/07/2024 12:02

PashaMinaMio · 17/07/2024 11:58

Woman up!
It’s ok to decline. It also means one less mouth to feed and pay for.

Make your decline decision and stick to it. No discussion with pushy friend. Just change the subject.

Once you’ve formally declined that’s it, END OF!

Exactly this.

Cosmosforbreakfast · 17/07/2024 12:10

It's an evening invitation not an invitation to the whole day so there is no need for any effort made to get there. Just politely decline, tell your friend you won't be attending the evening part of the wedding and give her a card and bottle of wine to pass on. There's nothing 'not nice' about declining any invitation, tell your friend she's being ridiculous but if she can get you there and back you'll reconsider. She'll drop it.

NiceCutRoundDomeDormice · 17/07/2024 12:12

louisaxx33 · 17/07/2024 11:50

My friend is trying to guilt trip me and all I'm thinking is
It's not my friend
I know that sounds awful but it's true

It sounds to me like your friend has lobbied for you to be incited as an unofficial “plus one” and is now annoyed she won’t have anyone to sit with.

Lurkingandlearning · 17/07/2024 12:18

I wouldn’t go. If your friend trots out the guilt again point out the bride is almost certainly just being polite because you have no contact aside from when you three meet so more acquaintances than friends. Ask your friend how many of the other guests she knows. I have a feeling that will be few if any and you’ve been invited to keep her company.

ToxicChristmas · 17/07/2024 12:21

Nah, sounds shit and expensive. Decline and send a card. You are not really friends anyway -if your shared friend disappeared you wouldn't stay in contact clearly.

sentfrmmyiphone · 17/07/2024 12:24

Doesn't sound like you really want to go!

Send your apologies..

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 17/07/2024 12:24

LurpakCunt · 17/07/2024 12:00

Your good friend is being an arse. Don't go and don't send a gift if you don't want to - a card is fine.

This. ^ Some 'good friend!' @louisaxx33 Hmm

Of course you don't have to go. Why would it be 'not nice,' or 'wrong' to not go?! It's a free country, an invite not a summons etc... Just say you can't get there and back, and you're not going. If your friend actually IS a friend she will understand!

Don't put yourself £130+ out of pocket - to go to a night do where you are just there to make up the numbers. (Not being nasty, I am often asked to things like this to make up the numbers, and in case some people they really want there don't turn up!)

DadJoke · 17/07/2024 12:24

Your friend wants you to go for her, not for the bride. It would be good if she was honest about it. Send your apologies and a card and don't go. If you friend keeps bugging you, shut her down on that issue.

GabriellaMontez · 17/07/2024 12:26

How is your friend getting home?

Is it possible she doesn't know many people and wants you there for herself?

circular2478 · 17/07/2024 12:28

Can you stay at your good friends house? Get a bus/ train earlier in the day to save costs? Ask good friend to drive you home the next day if she thinks you should be there so much, surely she will help facilitate it??
Otherwise if you don't want to go then don't.

LizzeyBenett · 17/07/2024 12:32

I wouldn't go in fact I don't go to any afters of weddings if I'm not invited to the whole day. I don't think anyone actually wants to go to a wedding do they ? But definitely not to the evening as I think your just an after thought . It's not your friends wedding so she has no right to make you feel as if you should attend. I think you would regret going all the cost and travelling and for what ?

CocoapuffPuff · 17/07/2024 12:41

Decline, send a card and tell your friend to stop badgering you about it. Its beyond your budget and that's that. She's being a bully.

Purplebiscuitwithsprinkles · 17/07/2024 12:44

Definitely decline, if you want to send a card and maybe a voucher of about £20 but that's it. Far too much to spend for just an evening guest.

WhatNoRaisins · 17/07/2024 12:47

I wouldn't travel all that way for just the evening