To not want to change my plans (again)

[TheBreezyGoldTurtle]

I’m off work at the moment as I broke my leg and had surgery to pin it back together… so my days are pretty quiet when the kids are at school/nursery.

We’ve got a family wedding next week and I desperately need to dye my hair as the greys are peeking through so I was going to do it last night (Tuesday). My husband moaned when he realised my plan, as he is out with friends/at orchestra on Weds/Thurs/Fri so Tuesday evening was the only evening we had together to sit and watch something (usual evening for us).

I agreed that I’d dye and wash my hair in the morning (Weds) instead, seeing as I didn’t have any other plans. It’s greasy but waiting another 12hrs was ok.

Then, Tuesday evening he announces that his mum is having people (his sister, uncle etc) over for coffee first thing Wednesday morning, and would I come?

I said no, as I wanted to do my hair and I’d already put it off. He said to do it afterwards, as what else was I doing all day? I said that I didn’t want to wait any longer as it looked a mess and was greasy, and that I didn’t want to get up/dressed/bit of makeup ready to go out (to his mum’s) only to have to come home again to get in the shower and start over, so on this occasion I wouldn’t be there.

He said it was odd me not wanting to come or to change my plans for it, and I would look rude. I said that I’d already changed my plan to accommodate us spending more of that evening together.

He then starts sulking which just wound me up, and we had an argument resulting in me going upstairs to watch something on the telly on my own…. Evening spoilt.

His mum sulks when she doesn’t get her own way; and he knows this is something I find hard to tolerate, so seeing him mirror those behaviours over something that really shouldn’t matter made me cross.

(For context, his family live locally and we’re seeing them on Sunday for a family birthday party, so this seems such a minor thing to cause a fuss over).

Am I being such an AH??

No, he has the issue with wanting you to dance to his tune every five minutes. It’s just coffee, he can go alone .

Tell the sulky twat to grow up. I despise people who act this way.

He's out for three nights in a row, yet he moaned about you wanting to spend an hour or so dying your hair? Ridiculous behaviour. He sounds like a right pain in the arse.

Agree with everyone else! Wash your hair, and personally I’d strongly want to go to a friends Tuesday night now. ‘You’re out 3 nights, I am going out one. I’ll prioritise us time when you do you sulky childish twat.’

YANBU

Yanbu, he sounds deeply unattractive with all this sulking
Is he often like this?

Why is he out three nights in a row when you're recovering from surgery? Sorry OP, he sounds so annoying and the sulking is just childish.

How long does it take to wash and dye your hair? Could you do both if you started doing your hair early enough? If you wanted to do both of course, if not stick to your plan.

In this short interlude it seems he does a lot of ordering about and making his plans whilst you do a lot of facilitating and doing what he is ordering you to do.

Just do your hair when you want to do your hair, and use the time off with your broken leg to recover and if you don't want to do something, don't do it.

I was staggered at the fact that he's out 3 nights (while you're incapacitated) & you changed your plans so that you could spend the evening that he deigns to stay in, sat in front of the TV together?!

What a ridiculous man-child.

Dye your hair when you want - you're a grown woman! Let him f@ck off & sulk at his mummy's!

Sounds like a great opportunity to act like a grown up and not be told what to do.... He can sulk to his dm.. BTW does the cord get in the way during sex?

My surgery will be 5 weeks ago on Friday, so although I’m still needing to elevate my leg, use crutches etc, I’m pretty OK, and doing quite well getting about again… so although it’s a shame he’s out 3 consecutive nights, I wasn’t kicking up a fuss. He often works away so getting social stuff in can be tricky.

Although we often have issues with keeping his mum happy (at a cost to our own grownup decisions) He’s not usually a sulker… so this took me a little by surprise. Normally he’d go on at me a bit more, and I’d either stick to my guns or try to find a way to grant his wishes as well as doing what I want/need.

i was thinking about getting up early to do my hair, but I slept so terribly last night (leg keeps falling off inflatable leg pillow, or I need to reposition awkwardly), and everytime I moved he would grumble in a really snappy way, so I’ve woken up feeling exhausted and like I don’t really want to find a compromise if he’s going to behave like such a dickhead. Even when unconscious he remembered he’s not happy with me.

It's all a bit odd and rigid, and none of this is a big deal really although it is a pain to dye your own hair. I would've just done it last night and watched tv afterwards tbh.

I should have, had I known about the ultimate coffee date!!

Should have gone like this:
H - Mum's having people over for coffee in the morning, want to come?
OP - No, I need to do my hair in the morning for next week.
H - Oh OK, never mind, if there's any cake I'll try and snaffle you a slice.
OP - You're a star!

H and OP get good night's sleep. Morning:
H - Good luck with the hair, see you later!
OP - Thanks darling have a lovely morning!
No drama. Everyone happy.

I’m not sure we’ve ever had a breezy conversation like that when I’ve declined an invite.

I say invite…. It’s not really an invite if you are obliged to say yes is it?

I totally get how time consuming dyeing your hair is and I am also cursed with greasy hair so I can see how it would be a pain to wash it (still grey!) to go out only to come back and do it all again to dye it.
Stick to your guns OP!

Is he going to the coffee morning? Or expecting you to go and represent him? Do whatever you want in life OP, you weren't put on this earth to please another person.

Should have gone like this:

H - I want to watch TV with you tonight
OP - I can't. I'm washing my hair.

I cannot understand people living like this…jeez just say no and dye your hair. The whole thing sounds ridiculously stressful over something so benign. It would drive me nuts all the drama.

He sounds unreasonable, childish and sulky. However dyeing your hair would take an hour max surely then wash and blow dry. It all sounds very trivial. First world problems.

I'd have told him I'd go if he paid for a hair appt for me to get hair coloured

N

I'm wondering how are you going to dye your hair? Are you physically able to do so? And I'm assuming there's a reason you can't do it on Tuesday day, or better still go to a hairdresser because it's going to be tricky, surely? Is it that you need him around while you do it?

Probably irrelevant now as the thread is a few days old, but still want to point out that your husband sounds like an immature selfish t*at to be honest. Reading between the lines, you have to do whatever he wants or he sulks until you give in anyway. Jesus thank God im not married to someone like this. As a PP said, way too much drama for my liking.