Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How sick would you have to be to not attend a wedding?

37 replies

hotmammamia · 16/07/2024 21:57

Just that really, very burnt out and stressed recently. Would be signed off work if I could afford it… there’s a family wedding that I’d LOVE to attend next week, outfit picked and everything but I’m not superrrr close to the people getting married. Really not sure that I’ll last all day at a wedding but also don’t want to let anyone down and look weird for not going. Please feel free to tell me to pull myself together and go!

OP posts:
JustMarriedBecca · 16/07/2024 21:58

I'd be annoyed if you pulled out. Burnt out and stressed aren't a reason for missing something you already committed to.

You can go, celebrate with the couple but not have a late night / not drink and have a hangover etc.

It may do you good.

Starlingexpress · 16/07/2024 21:59

You don’t have to last all day-go for the ceremony and the meal, then leave early. I don’t think it’s reasonable to pull out of a wedding this late in the day.

TheChosenTwo · 16/07/2024 22:01

You don’t have to last all day, go and show your face during the ceremony and sit down dinner and head off soon after the first dance. I mean this nicely but if you aren’t mega close to the bride and groom they won’t notice (not that you’re not lovely or important to them but because they’ll be seeing and chatting to so many people all day).
you could be done by 7:30. Could even slip away after the dinner.

SummaLuvin · 16/07/2024 22:01

Not really the point, but presuming it’s a relatively traditional wedding your food will have been paid for, so pulling out at this stage is not ideal for the couple. Why not go with the aim of seeing the ceremony, speeches, and having the meal which should all be over by 7pm, then leave if you feel burnt out. I often find the idea of going is much more stressful than actually going in these circumstances

Original poster
hotmammamia · 16/07/2024 22:01

Thanks for your responses! I should have added that this stress has manifested itself physically as near constant vertigo and shaking extremities too which is annoying. But I guess the reason I asked is because deep down I agree that I’m being unreasonable🤣

OP posts:
SummerFeverVenice · 16/07/2024 22:03

Oh just go! It’s the kind of thing you will enjoy once you get there.

You don’t really believe that people only get signed off sick when they can afford not to work do you? Very off thing to say.

macaroniandcheeze · 16/07/2024 22:03

Revolting to see/hear or contagious are the only acceptable sickness reasons

Babyboomtastic · 16/07/2024 22:03

I wouldn't go if:

  • I had something obviously highly contagious, being a normal cold. So I wouldn't go if I had the flu, covid etc if I was still feeling unwell with it.
  • broken bones to the extent I wouldn't be able to get there
  • non contagious but frequent D&V
  • a series illness or hospitalisation

I would go if:

  • I had a cold but felt relatively okish with lemsip and affect spluttering over everyone. If I could battle through work, I'd go to the wedding.
  • feeling tired, burnt out, depressed.

So in your situation I'd go. Sorry

Original poster
hotmammamia · 16/07/2024 22:03

SummerFeverVenice · 16/07/2024 22:03

Oh just go! It’s the kind of thing you will enjoy once you get there.

You don’t really believe that people only get signed off sick when they can afford not to work do you? Very off thing to say.

Goodness! I really didn’t mean it like that at all was just making reference to my own personal circumstances… sorry if I offended!

OP posts:
Muchtoomuchtodo · 16/07/2024 22:04

I’ve missed one. That was because I was on day 5 of having diarrhoea that no mediation seemed capable of stopping.

in your situation I’d go to the ceremony and beginning of the celebrations then head off at a decent time.

middleagedandinarage · 16/07/2024 22:04

Sorry but pull yourself together and go 🤣 You don't have to stay all day, leave after the meal. If you drive you could go sit in your car for a bit between the ceremony and meal.

FlumpInSlump · 16/07/2024 22:05

Hey OP, I’ve been where you are and also couldn’t afford to be signed off. I think you should try and go if your symptoms aren’t too bad on the day - it may energise you seeing people / having a distraction. Can you leave early say after the meal if needs be? Also if it does come to it, don’t worry, people get ill there’s always on the day drop outs!

FirstFallopians · 16/07/2024 22:18

I’d have to be bedridden not to go.

I’ve been dragged to weddings by DH when my mental health was pretty bad, and actually seeing the wider family and having a few relaxed drinks with people I liked was an excellent distraction and gave me a bit of a boost.

HcbSS · 16/07/2024 22:29

I hate weddings so would love any excuse not to go but afraid I would have to apply the same rule I use on my kids when deciding whether they get a day off school/me a day off work. Unless you are covered in blood, unconscious, projectile vomiting/other end or your leg is actually hanging off, afraid you have to go in and see how you are at lunchtime.

bergamotorange · 16/07/2024 22:32

hotmammamia · 16/07/2024 22:01

Thanks for your responses! I should have added that this stress has manifested itself physically as near constant vertigo and shaking extremities too which is annoying. But I guess the reason I asked is because deep down I agree that I’m being unreasonable🤣

You are absolutely not being unreasonable!

You're ill.

The first responses on this thread are absolute bollocks. Send apologies and a gift.

Soonenough · 16/07/2024 22:33

A lot can happen in a week . Plan to go and try and enjoy it . Don't overthink it . Presume you are going with partner who can help you if necessary ?

Regalia · 16/07/2024 22:35

macaroniandcheeze · 16/07/2024 22:03

Revolting to see/hear or contagious are the only acceptable sickness reasons

Yes, the only wedding I missed was because of galloping diarrhoea.

ProvincialLady2024 · 16/07/2024 22:39

TBH - depends upon whom is getting married...

Original poster
hotmammamia · 16/07/2024 22:41

ProvincialLady2024 · 16/07/2024 22:39

TBH - depends upon whom is getting married...

A cousin I spent a lot of time with as kids but am not particularly close to in adulthood

OP posts:
Changea · 16/07/2024 22:43

Mental health is just as important as physical health - so if you don’t feel up to it, don’t go. But do try and tell them as soon as possible so they can give you place to someone else if possible.

I had two people pull out of my wedding on the day - and I was fine about it.

leopardski · 16/07/2024 22:44

Go! I’ve been signed off with burnout and anxiety before and you’re literally prescribed self care. Get all dressed up and have a really lovely day, it’ll do wonders. You don’t have to stay late; stick around for the evening guests to arrive and you can easily slip out and go home.

Don’t you get sick pay?

Seas164 · 16/07/2024 22:44

Plan to get in there, do the necessary and then get out. You never know, you might enjoy it.

SummaLuvin · 16/07/2024 22:45

hotmammamia · 16/07/2024 22:41

A cousin I spent a lot of time with as kids but am not particularly close to in adulthood

Show quote history

I don’t think that should come into it personally. You said you were going to be there, you made a commitment, and not going because you don’t fancy it and aren’t that close (how it was characterised in the OP) is pretty crappy. If it’s a case of being too unwell, as the second post suggests, then that is different. But deeming a couple “not worth the effort” after agreeing to attend is not cool.

bergamotorange · 16/07/2024 22:46

I would not want someone with vertigo and shakes to feel obliged to attend my wedding - I'd want them to prioritise their health.

Two people didn't attend mine, one due to illness, one due to flakiness! I wasn't bothered on the day and am even less bothered now. The ill person is still a good friend. The flaky person I don't see any more!

Original poster
hotmammamia · 16/07/2024 22:56

SummaLuvin · 16/07/2024 22:45

I don’t think that should come into it personally. You said you were going to be there, you made a commitment, and not going because you don’t fancy it and aren’t that close (how it was characterised in the OP) is pretty crappy. If it’s a case of being too unwell, as the second post suggests, then that is different. But deeming a couple “not worth the effort” after agreeing to attend is not cool.

Show quote history

I’m sorry you misinterpreted the OP

I absolutely meant that I wasn’t sure if id feel well enough, the only reason I mentioned the relation and relativity to the couple was so people understood that I don’t think they’d be absolutely gutted if I wasn’t there. Absolutely appreciate your input though and, as I said, completely willing to accept I’m being unreasonable on the basis of my health not on the basis that I can’t be bothered to go as that’s just not the case

OP posts: