How sick would you have to be to not attend a wedding?

[hotmammamia]

Just that really, very burnt out and stressed recently. Would be signed off work if I could afford it… there’s a family wedding that I’d LOVE to attend next week, outfit picked and everything but I’m not superrrr close to the people getting married. Really not sure that I’ll last all day at a wedding but also don’t want to let anyone down and look weird for not going. Please feel free to tell me to pull myself together and go!

I recently went to a wedding that I wasn't sure id be able to attend (mid ivf so filled with tiredness/anxiousness). I told myself the whole day that I could go home any time I felt I needed to. It really was lovely to see them marry, and the food was unmissable. I made vague attempts to dance after (not being allowed to drink doesn't help) and snuck off early without goodbyes.

Overall I'm glad I went, but it did contribute to tiredness/anxiousness. Thing is, I'd have been more worried about not going which would have been trouble in itself. Treated myself to saying no to other events I felt I should say yes to as reward. And now I have a lovely memory of their wedding.

If I have sneezed once within the last 6 months, then I am too sick to attend any wedding for the next 12 months.

(Though I wouldn't have accepted the invitation as I hate weddings!)

Just cancel, say you're unwell or if that's not enough say it's a day case hospital procedure (like a colonoscopy or minor surgery) or they'll think it's odd you're not off work.

If you not close to them why care what they think?

They will have spent (probably quite a lot of) money on your attendance. I think it’s really rude not to attend unless you are genuinely too ill to attend or very contagious. The time to decide you weren’t that close to them and couldn’t be arsed was when you RSVP’d, not when it’s too late for them to fill your place or amend your numbers.

I had a couple of people pull out of my wedding at the last minute (not for health reasons) and it really pissed me off and affected how I thought of them.

This kind of attitude is what drives people into the ground and creates long-term inability to function. Being burnt out is absolutely a good enough reason not to attend a demanding social event. If you'd be annoyed that's your problem.

OP if you are feeling so depleted that the thought of the wedding overwhelms you, you don't have to go. Your health and your recovery is more important than showing your face at the wedding. If you had a physical injury that would make the day painful and daunting, nobody would be questioning it - this is no different, even if there are still people who haven't grasped that yet.

I'd have to be actively vomiting or hospitalised. It's incredibly rude to skip a wedding to which you've accepted the invitation, not to mention a big waste of money for the bride and groom.

I'd have probably made my excuses in the first place 😬

How far away from home is it? Will you feel happier to attend if you know you can leave early / get home easily enough?

I got married many decades ago, I had a drop out in the week before due to not being well enough to travel/attend an event, as they let us know and I was able to invite a couple who had just missed being invited due to numbers and were not offended to be a late substitution.
Then on the day my cousins who I 'had' to invite to keep DGM happy turned up just about for the church then 2 out of 3 disappeared during the drinks/photos never to return as they had better things to do. my DM was extremely annoyed.

Something similar has happened at nearly all weddings I have been involved in arragements for, you can't help if you are not well enough to attend and MH issues are just as valid as physical symptoms, just let them know in advance don't just not turn up.

Is going to the wedding going to make you more stressed, ie feeling frustrated and angry that you can't get on with chores before going back to work? Do you need a quiet weekend to feel well mentally? Will going put you in a worse head space for work?
Only you know how you feel. However as this thread shows, mental health is still seen as poor form for missing a wedding, in fact looking after your own wellbeing (physically and psychologically) is really important. For some people going to a wedding would really help, for others it might be one step too far. Again only you know if you can manage it or not.
If you really feel it would be detrimental to your wellbeing, don't go, but rightly or wrongly I'd claim a stomach bug than mental health reasons. I'd also offer to reimburse the cost of my meal.

my primary consideration would be contagion. Stress is not something that would occur to me to skip a wedding.

I’ve attended weddings when I was feeling pretty awful a couple of times. Food poisoning that thankfully was on the tail end, hyperemesis from pregnancy. It’s manageable. You just take it slow, sip lots of water and don’t expect to do much partying.

I attended a wedding 2 months after losing both my youngest sister and my father. To say my mental health was fragile would be an understatement - I was a fucking mess and being around people was awful.

I had to attend because the couple being married are close family relations to my husband and my non-attendance would not have been accepted just because I was emotionally fragile a fucking mess

It was an awful mistake. I was polite and smiled at all the appropriate moments for the fucking camera but I clearly wasn't myself and struggled the entire time.

The bride still hasn't forgiven me for 'disrespecting' her, even though it was made clear my not attending wouldn't be forgiven either because surely I was "capable of pulling myself together for a few hours". The fallout from the wedding for me was ending up having a complete breakdown and needing to be signed off work...again.

Only you know if your mental health will be boosted by being around people in a happy environment or if it will tank. Make the decision that's best for you

High temperature, cough, D&V bug - acceptable.

Stressed - no.