To feel self conscious due to partner's crazy style?

[PrueHal]

By style I mean hairstyle. I feel terrible as I type this because I love him but here goes.

On my first date with partner I thought he was lovely and we had a connection. His hair was much longer than I was used to in a relationship. Young Robert Plant is my type but he's bordering on Victorian women levels.

Now we're in a loving relationship, have had great holidays, the sex is hot, he's generous, fun, the best guy I've dated.

But now his hair is even longer and now reaches his ass! He's from a Nordic country so it's beautiful and he looks Viking-esque. However when we are out sometimes people stare and I admit it bothers me. Once someone even asked to photograph him!

When he puts it up in a decent neat style, it looks fine. But sometimes he just leaves it down and it looks unkempt. He is in a very professional role too.

Am I going to have to let this go? He told me he's going to the hairdresser soon but he's getting about an inch off! Why bother. 😞

YANBU to not love his chosen hair style. YABU to either be embarrassed or to suggest he should change an aspect of his appearance (the he seems to like) to suit you, especially since it doesn’t seem to have changed significantly during the course of your relationship

He sounds glorious. Leave him be.

I know @SummaLuvin - if I'm honest I sort of love it privately. Or it doesn't bother me much. But in public the stares bug me.

I know I can't tell him what to get. On the other hand when I said I was going to get a specific hair cut last month he wasn't keen. He said obviously you can get what you want but wasn't shy to express his opinion!

If you don’t want him, I’ll have him! He sounds awesome.

The jeweller Harry Winston said ‘People will stare. Make it worth their while.’ And they’re looking at him, not you, so there’s no need for you to be self conscious.

@GoingRoundThatBlockAgain he is awesome. He just doesn't care what anyone thinks.

I also have a striking hair colour, just not as long. I feel like together we stand out a lot.

Some days I just want to less visible, especially when I'm not feeling as confident. Sounds like maybe I need to get over it...

Honestly, OP, I think you can’t really require someone to alter their hair — your choice is to end the relationship, or learn to live with it. Have you told him you don’t like it?

You're far too wrapped up in what people think. He doesn't have to be like you They're not looking at you anyway but if you want a more conservative looking man then say your goodbye. I doubt he'll cut off his hair for you, and nor should he. & calling his style 'crazy' is unkind. You don't sound suited

To be honest your update makes me think even more that YABU. Some people just like to blend in and any attention is unwanted and uncomfortable (even positive attention), and I do have sympathy with that. But if you choose to have a hair colour which is unusual and draws stares then it’s unfair to judge your partner for pretty much the same thing.

Aww enjoy your hot Viking and fuck what anyone else thinks.

This!
Long hair on a decent man( as long as it’s not a balding pate on top) Is forgivable.

What an excellent quote.

@SummaLuvin I'm a natural redhead so I don't exactly choose my hair.

@Regalia no I haven't told him how I feel as I think he'd be very upset. Also I go between feeling different things. Sometimes it really bothers me, especially when he just leaves it unstyled - it looks a mess.

But other times he makes an effort and it looks nice.

@PrueHal I do get it, I have an unusual look and style myself and some days you just don’t want to be commented on (positive or otherwise, I get them all!) but I firmly believe that boring is the worst insult of all. You two keep on brightening up the world.

Exactly this!
My ex husband has thick hair and it’s lovely.
DS has inherited it and a mane is lovely if kept clean.

I know you're right @Ginmonkeyagain

His dad still has a good head of hair (although he thinks his son's is mental) so that's positive!

I feel like an ass for being so bothered by it.

OP, I bet you look great together!

You need to reframe these stares as massive compliments (as I suspect they are).

If you love him, embrace the fact that other women notice that your guy is confident, secure and unthreatened by others. That other men know this, and envy him. You are striking in your own right. Own it.

He sounds like a catch!

If, on the other hand, it's a genuine turn off for you, do him a favour and let him be his own hairy self with someone who appreciates it.

I think I know you'll do the former.

It has to be well groomed- otherwise he could look like a Crusty.

Seems like my options are get over it and enjoy being with my viking

Or

Leave and look for someone generic. Hmm when I put it like that...

@oakleaffy this is it. When it's well groomed it looks pretty good.

But on the days it isn't - yes it does bug me.

If you secretly love it in private, but are embarassed in public then it's a you problem, no? If you love it, then have the confidence to fuck what anyone else thinks. There's literally a new set of humans on the planet every 100 years, and what people think of you is none of your business, but a hot sexy long haired viking? Sounds good to me.

Ahh sorry, I presumed you meant you had dyed bright red or purple hair. I’m sure your hair is lovely, but in all kindness, gingers aren’t all that unusual, not enough to cause stares and double takes, at least in my part of the world…

Drool, I hope you learn to love his beautiful hair as so many will be in awe of it! Do you really want just the often horrible fade haircut? I've always preferred a man with longer hair or a style that is different. Please don't try to change him. X

Ignore them . Embrace his hair, my OH is ex military and has still got a square cut I’d rather he hadn’t but he’ll change it someday

@Seas164 I think I do love it when it's fresh and glossy. Very impressive and vikingy.

But it's a thin line. If he doesn't wash it or style it for a couple of days it enters vagrant territory. I'm always quite well turned out so that does bother me at times.

It would bother me, but I don’t like long hair on men. Especially dirty hair. But I wouldn’t have dated him, it sounds like his hair is his only bad point… I think you’d regret dumping him just over that.
Maybe point out men with shorter hair and say “ooh I like that” maybe he will take the hint or just be a bit offended. 🙈😕