To feel self conscious due to partner's crazy style?

[PrueHal]

By style I mean hairstyle. I feel terrible as I type this because I love him but here goes.

On my first date with partner I thought he was lovely and we had a connection. His hair was much longer than I was used to in a relationship. Young Robert Plant is my type but he's bordering on Victorian women levels.

Now we're in a loving relationship, have had great holidays, the sex is hot, he's generous, fun, the best guy I've dated.

But now his hair is even longer and now reaches his ass! He's from a Nordic country so it's beautiful and he looks Viking-esque. However when we are out sometimes people stare and I admit it bothers me. Once someone even asked to photograph him!

When he puts it up in a decent neat style, it looks fine. But sometimes he just leaves it down and it looks unkempt. He is in a very professional role too.

Am I going to have to let this go? He told me he's going to the hairdresser soon but he's getting about an inch off! Why bother. 😞

I don't really understand the staring thing - he's just a bloke with long hair. But I live in inner London, if we stared at everyone wbo was different or stood out, we wouldn't have time to do anything else.

OP I too have a tall long haired Nordic man and I introduced him to proper conditioners because as much as I loved his hair, I didn't love being out on a date with fecking Worzel Gummidge, and he would leave it far too long between washes. So I do get where you're coming from with not being keen on the mad unwashed hippie look.

His hair is now butt length but always well groomed and shiny and lovely. Maybe just make a huge fuss when his hair is particularly nice, and he'll get the hint.

He sounds wonderful! A man that is confident to go about his life looking just how he wants is something i personally really like. Shows confidence & I really like that. Plus, I like people that have a unique style too.

I do understand your feelings but I don't think we can dictate a partners appearance

They are staring because they think he's a hot viking.
Honestly life is too short to feel negatively about someone you love because you think they look a bit untidy sometimes. That's not very kind is it? Unless it's a wedding, funeral or job interview just leave him alone. My hair looks a bit shit if I'm running late and don't style it properly.. hope my husband isn't writing on an Internet forum about it...
We can't all look perfect all the time and some people think it's a waste or time trying. Fair enough if you like to look immaculate all the time but I don't think you can expect this of other people.
And as you've said you do actually think he's attractive.. so why bother about this?
You know other people all think different things anyway. Surely mumsnet has opened your eyes to this. For every person who thinks it looks shit another will think it's amazing. And therewill be people who judge you negatively even if you looked like Brad pitt and Angelina Jolie in their glory days.
So just try and let it go and enjoy the happiness you have.

It would bother me 2 and I couldn’t date him . Long hair on a guy to me is a no no. Doesn’t suit them same as the stupid man buns guys use.

I've been with my oh for 14 years and through that time has had some crazy hair, when we first met he had a haircut that looked like a bell end. I'm not joking (may attach photo at a later date 😂) If he's a good guy and you like him in every other way then don't get too down about his hair, it's just hair x

Oh god that reminds me of my first holiday with Mr Monkey, he went to a cheap hairdressers and accidentially got a mullet.

He had Irish hair as well (see the Dylan Moran routine for an explanation of "Irish Hair") so it looked doubly bad!

YABU, learn to braid😝
& watch The Last Kingdom

YABU.

If you don’t like long hair, that’s fine. But if it’s that much of a problem for you, you shouldn’t have started a relationship with him. Starting a relationship with someone and then trying to mould them into something else isn’t fair. His hair’s obviously important to him, so suck it up and stop fretting about other people’s opinions. He’s not their partner and it doesn’t matter what they think of his appearance. (FWIW I think most people would be looking at him because they think he’s hot, not because they’re judging his hair. It’s not 1950.)

And how he wears his hair in his ‘professional role’ is between him and his employer; it’s not for you to worry about.

Yep @Keroppi sums it up

He has already asked me to braid his hair...YouTube DIY here I come 😂

But other times he makes an effort and it looks nice.

Maybe you would be better off leaving him so he can find a woman who will appreciate him, and you can find a man who will consistently "look nice". He sounds fabulous to me.

Honestly, read some of the threads on MN about the men some posters have saddled themselves with and count yourself lucky. You either enjoy your relationship with this man, and accept him as he is, or you move on because you don't like his hair. However, don't try to change him to suit your style, as that doesn't usually end well.

@MonsteraMama do you have a conditioner recommendation?

I don't think I compliment him enough when his hair is freshly dried and glossy. So I'll do that more to emphasise the point!

I used to date a guy who had shoulder length lilac hair. I didn't care if people looked, I liked it! Just ignore people.

For what it's worth people stare at me because I have a disability. It used to bother me but now I barely notice and rarely think about it. Caring about what strangers think is a waste of energy.

Op I get it. Is it hormone related? At certain times of the month I feel more confident. Other times just want to blend in.

The vagrant look may bother me. Its one of those choose yout battles wisely as you might not win 😂

He told me he's going to the hairdresser soon but he's getting about an inch off! Why bother

Don’t worry! In my experience a hairdresser’s inch isn’t the same as the inch on a ruler. A bit like a baker’s dozen!

kerastase bain satin shampoo and then conditioner. after that their lotion thermique before blow drying.

also their hair oil is really great

Imagine if you were with someone embarrassed of your hair

Where do we find a hot Viking Nordic man ..... asking for a friend ..😅

@PrueHal I have bobbed hair but it can get wavy and wiry. I use Aussie intensive conditioner every month or so. It is great.

If my bloke looked like this I wouldn't care if he never washed his hair 🫣

@Foxlover46 you will just need to go to his country. There are hundreds of them there...

So I think the outcome is I need to suck it up and learn to braid. Oh and compliment his nicely washed hair while waxing lyrical about the lovely conditioner a pp recommended (which I will encourage him to use in the shower!).

Thanks all

I like long hair on blokes. The fact that people stare is probably bc he looks really hot. I doubt anyone's mistaking him for a homeless person!