DH annoyed "I didn't notice his tidying"

[Battenbergcoconutice]

I'm five months pregnant and have an 18 month old. Been running around all day after toddler not even had time to make myself a cup of tea this afternoon and also had to walk the dog plus the usual (have changed about 6 poo nappies today's DS a bit I'll). Husband asked me if I'd noticed the tidying he did after he finished work and got annoyed that I hadn't just now saying he spent 45 minutes on it! I'm so annoyed this is so typically male! I don't ask for brownie points for all the things I've done today including growing a child in my uterus! 🤣 #men!

Amazing how they expect you to say ‘thank you’ or ‘well done’ but they don’t notice what you spend each and every day doing isn’t it?

Buy some plastic medals and give him one 😂 my husband can be a bit like this... I hoovered for you, did the dishes for you etc. I usually just reply do you float? Oh, did you not enjoy the meal I've just cooked?

Yes, it's ridiculous BUT you need to have your long-term planning hat on. When mine tells me this, I always say "thank you, love" because I WANT him to do it again...and again. If I choose to prove a point by getting into an argument about medals and temples and who does what, there is no way he is going to do it again.
So I go with the path of least resistance and keep him happy by telling him he is a good boy.

keep him happy by telling him he is a good boy.
Sorry, your husband or your puppy?

Does he notice your work? If not, ask him why.

@Catza I loved your post, I imagine you talking to your DH the way I talk to dogs - Oh, whose a good boy, did you use a duster, did you, good boy 😂

I normally say oh sorry do you want your party now or later?

Would some 'good boy' stickers help for such occasions? I'd find it nigh on impossible to respond without sarcasm.

I couldn't be married to someone who needed an infantilising pat on the head for carrying out a necessary task in their own house. My teens don't even expect that. Even worse to sulk and refuse to do anything again because he didn't get a round of applause. Yuck.

My DP has this same habit of announcing when he’s done any household chores eg ‘I’ve put the dishwasher on’ or ‘I’ve put the bin out’. I used to automatically say thank you but now it gets on my nerves as if I should be grateful that he has done a basic task. I just say ‘ok’ now or ‘yeah I saw that’.
He doesn’t acknowledge all the household stuff I do, probably because I don’t announce it to him. It is tempting to be sarcastic and offer him a round of applause but I don’t want him to stop doing the little that he does (without being asked) 😂

The more I read posts such as this (and about problematic mama’s boys who side with their mothers instead of their wives) the more I’m convinced that women need to kick off more. As in, lose their fucking shit and go apoplectic when their DH acts like a fool. If your DH viewed taking you for granted as akin to poking a dragon, he probably wouldn’t do it. And I’m only half joking.

Either you thank each other for doing routine stuff or you don't. It shouldn't be based on gender. Occasional appreciation in general is always welcome.

Well, my partner is taken anyway so not sure what difference it makes whether you want to be married to someone like that or not.
I am sure he would hate to be married to someone without sense of humour… looks like it’s not meant to be for the two of you.

Great! Sounds like you are perfect for each other.

My husband told me recently that as he finished work early he “ tidied up for me” - men !! 🤣

I've also started announcing all I've done...weirdly I don't get the praise, it's almost like it's assumed it's my role... But I do do BIG thanks just to highlight the difference. I'm not sure he's noticed the edge though!!

The phrase we use in this house (delivered very earnestly) is:

"You're a wonderful man, doing a hell of a job".

First used by DSIL to lessD BIL when he wanted praise for something normal. It's years old now.

The very thought of telling my DH that he’s such a good boy for doing the dishes makes my fanny clamp shut.

The thing is that they don't care if it's tidy or not so they really are doing it for you.

Bless him, he wants his star.

It also means he doesn't do enough tidying in general. That needs to change.

Ask him if he wants a bloody sticker...

I thank my partner when he cleansband he thanks me. I thought it was courtesy to thank whoever has done the majority housework that day 🤔

You should get him a gold star chart for the fridge door, then he can have one when he’s a good boy.

Fuck that.

I'm his wife not his parent.