To want overachieving partner to stop 'motivating' me in my career?

[Rizzo8]

Been with partner almost a year, fairly serious.

He is an academic and I do a few things. I'm an early career author (first book) and I have a full time day job. The day job earns well and I enjoy it. It has decent salary progression but I'm never going to be filthy rich.

My partner earns 10k more than I do and has aspirations to earn a lot more. Since becoming an academic he is rubbing shoulders with a lot of senior people earning massive sums of money and has got a taste for that kind of life.

In the last few months he has twice said 'you could be an academic too if you wanted, you're more than capable' bla bla. I know that but I don't want to. It simply doesn't interest me.

But the fact it's a recurring theme bothers me - like he's disappointed with me as a partner when I do well in my own right. He also meets a lot of women around our age who are academics so it worries me sometimes.

What would you say to him if you were me?

What would you say to him if you were me?

I have no interest in being an academic-why do you keep talking as if that’s what I should be doing with my career?

I'm wondering if it's partially insecurity? Maybe convincing himself he will be better off then you eventually because he sees you are happy and a home owner and more well rounded generally?

I think being an academic is choosing pretty much public service over financial gain. It's not well paid and these days not that secure.

I would use a 2-word epithet but I've never had career aspirations. Ended up well off but that's another story...

It doesn't bode well, OP. He's putting you down and creating insecurities early on. It doesn't matter you both dream of a house on the coast, everyone day dreams. What matters are his actions now.

When you start a relationship, you accept each other for who you are. Trying to change someone and what they want in llife never goes well.

Reply well if you really tried you could be - a golf pro/gym instructor/concert pianist/whatever he has no interest in.
It might sink in.

I'm wondering if this is actually a cynical attempt to impress you if he thinks that women are all about "marrying up" (in terms of wealth).

I think you might be right @muggart - maybe because I own a property and he doesn't (yet).

He is very generous and loves to buy me gifts big and small (sometimes jewellery, sometimes my favourite chocolate!). I do have to remind him I don't need lots of stuff to be happy.

Think I'll just need to use some of the lines suggested above. I was content as a single person before he came along. I don't want to change who I am to appease him. Otherwise who did he fall in love with?