child wee'd on rug

[wurstcase]

I feel really bad now. I bumped into a colleague who was with her 2 year old and asked her in for a cup of tea. found a couple of toys from my almost grown up kids and her child sat on my (posh wool rug playing with them while we had tea. Pool then formed and it was clear that child had done a rather large wee. Mother was apologetic and said that she lets them go without a nappy but not potty trained yet. I mopped it up and later scrubbed etc, unfortunately you can still see a circle in the geometric pattern which is a different colour. Is wool and natural dye and honestly not sure it will come out. It does not look terrible but you can see it and it is in the centre of the room. Saw her today and she said, oh I hope it came out of the carpet OK. In the past I would just lie to be nice and say, yes it did, no worries, but these days I am a bit more honest so I said, not completely actually but it's not a big deal. She looked worried and apologised again and offered to replace the carpet. Of course I said no, but now I feel really mean and guilty for being honest about it and not just telling the white lie. On the one hand I think she should have been a bit more careful and on the other hand I don't want to be precious about it as of course 2 year olds make a mess, it is not the kid's fault. Obviously there is not much to be done now other than neither of us ever mentions it again, but AIBU to be slightly pissed off?

Yanbu. You don't let your not yet potty trained child loose in someone else's house - nit without warning them, and taking the kid to the toilet every 10 minutes until you know they've been, anyway

Wee should have blotted up without leaving a mark.

YANBU to tell the truth. She was a twat to bring the child without a nappy when he's not potty trained.

Get a professional cleaner and send her the bill.

YANBU.

well that would be odd given she offered and the op declined

She offered to replace the carpet. A cleaning bill is different.

Honestly who lets their child who isn’t potty trained yet go in someone else’s house nappy free 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ she should be mortified, I would be. She should definitely be offering to pay for cleaning or replacing.

I'm guessing child still isn't fully potty trained in the sense that they still need reminding to wee and mum, caught up in seeing you hopefully just forgot. Just letting a child wee wherever seems weird. YWNBU to mention it, and mum offered to clean / replace so she's not that unreasonable. You said no. Just move on, and hopefully she will put in a bit more effort with the toileting for her child.

is your thread about whether you should feel bad about being honest the wee mark is still present or whether you’re wrong to feel pissed off?

She did offer to replace and OP said no.

and the conversation was the time for the op to have suggested this

but to just send her the cleaning bill following what sounds like a conversation where the op said no big deal and said no need for replacement

would be… odd

Nothing stopping calling her and saying thanks for the offer to replace the carpet, hopefully it can be cleaned, I will send you the cleaning bill.

Don't feel guilty for telling the truth, you were kind enough not to accept her offer to replace it/asking her to.

She was taking the piss sitting a child on someones rug knowing there was no nappy on and potty training was still being worked on.

i wouldn’t

but not unreasonable if that’s what you’d do

It’s a bit late to do anything about it now, because you’ve already declined her offer to replace it. But yeah, I’d be really annoyed. She knows her toddler isn’t potty-trained but takes them out without a nappy, knowing they might piss everywhere. That’s not so much an accident as an inevitable consequence.

I'm baffled by parents that deliberately do that with children not toilet trained - it's so rude!

A few years ago I had someone visit who had a child a year younger than mine who wasn't toilet trained, but turned up without any nappy on - or change of clothes! The child (obviously) had numerous accidents, each time the mother asked to borrow some of DS's pants for her daughter . When she went home she handed me the several pairs of pissy pants back, rather than taking them home and washing them herself 😡

So no, you're not being unreasonable to be annoyed, there's no need for that sort of behavior.

I think it's one of those unavoidable social situations, I think I will just have another blot/scrub and move on. I will anyway not mention this again to her out of embarassment and her being a colleague I see regularly. My kids were very amused by the situation as I am always warning them about slopping food over this carpet (we have a very small combined kitchen/dining area so you have to cross the living room to the table), it's all part of one small area, and they are in awe that it's now been actually wee'd on, so maybe I need to take it all a bit more lightly.

@yepandagain both I think. I am a real conflict avoider, and have been working on being more honest, but it just goes to show that I have not made much progress :)

It doesn't matter than she offered to replace it. She's still a numpty (and unreasonable) for allowing an untrained toddler to go nappy free in someone's home without prior warning.

You did the right thing, I wouldn't be happy with a child wee on one of my rugs either.

Taking a child into someone's home without potty training or a nappy is careless. What did she think would happen when the child needed to go to the toilet?

Kinder to lie and say it's not visible, as you would if a friend accidentally spilt coffee or wine on your rug, or got an embarrassing bloodstain on the sofa.
Why embarrass her further, only to refuse to let her pay to have it cleaned/replaced?

Toddlers do have accidents when not fully potty trained, if she'd been expecting to be invited in I'm sure she'd have put a nappy on just in case.
I think when you invite a toddler into your home you accept the risk they could wee or have a nappy leak or throw up, they have less control over bodily functions than us!

Now you've got to clean the rest of your rug so it's the same colour

Urine could affect both the wool fibre and the natural dye. It is slightly acidic.

Natural dyes are less easy to fix than a synthetic dye.

White vinegar should help wash it out completely, you could also try the enzyme sprays for pet wee if there's a lingering smell.

yes you're right @FateReset , I think I should have either kindly lied or accepted her offer at least of having it cleaned. Instead I was just about strong enough to be slightly honest without having the guts to follow it through. Sigh.

It's actually a rug made up of circles so actually if someone wee d in all the circles it would look the same :):)