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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed that DP lost passport

58 replies

SaturdayFive · 15/07/2024 15:22

My DP has lost his passport 4 days before we are due to go away for a family holiday involving a lot of driving abroad (which he was happily going to do, I wouldn't have booked it, if I knew I'd have to drive all of it).
He's needed it for various ID checks in the past few weeks so has been out of its usual safe place. He first thought it was missing last week - but thought he'd left it at work.. then went away for the weekend and didn't check until today. It's not there. House car garage workplace all turned upside down and no sign of it.
The only fast track appointment you can get for a lost passport replacement is the one that takes a week to deliver it! Which he found out only after cancelling the old passport- as you have to do that before they'll allow the appointment to be booked. He's blaming me for that, as I told him to get a new passport.
So it looks like I'll be taking kids on holiday on my own. Thankfully they are old enough to be a help not a hindrance.
AIBU to be angry that he's ruined our holiday?

OP posts:
NewDay00 · 15/07/2024 15:25

But accidents do happen. He didn't lose it on purpose. The part I'd be annoyed at him about is the part where he blames you.

DNAwrangler · 15/07/2024 15:26

Very annoying - for everyone - but just one of those things. Hopefully you’ll enjoy it more than you think.

StormingNorman · 15/07/2024 15:28

Can you not get the same day appointments anymore where you visit the passport office?

I feel you frustrations. My DH lost his driving licence. Got the new one through. I asked him to put it in his wallet…but he’s worried he’ll lose his wallet so the DL has been put somewhere safe (never to be seen again).

TakeOnFlea · 15/07/2024 15:29

Why on earth did he cancel it? It'll be somewhere!

Seas164 · 15/07/2024 15:29

He's not ruined your holiday. He's lost his passport, and changed your holiday. Presumably he didn't do it on purpose, if you'd lost your passport would you feel he was reasonable to be angry with you? He shouldn't be blaming you, maybe your angry at that aspect of it. Go, have fun, it will be an experience you might enjoy more than you anticipate!

DinnaeFashYersel · 15/07/2024 15:29

Check your travel insurance.

I recently had a similar problem but with teenage son who lost his passport.

My travel insurance covered the costs of new passport and (although we didn't need it) the cost of any cancellation costs, etc and with no excess to pay.

StormingNorman · 15/07/2024 15:29

If it’s a driving holiday, can he not catch you up when his passport comes through. Just fly or get on a train to meet you?

Chersfrozenface · 15/07/2024 15:31

OP, how much driving is all the driving?

With only one driver, will you need to book and pay for unplanned overnights?

Original poster
SaturdayFive · 15/07/2024 15:32

StormingNorman · 15/07/2024 15:28

Can you not get the same day appointments anymore where you visit the passport office?

I feel you frustrations. My DH lost his driving licence. Got the new one through. I asked him to put it in his wallet…but he’s worried he’ll lose his wallet so the DL has been put somewhere safe (never to be seen again).

You can only get the same day appointments if it's a renewal! Which I was thinking he could get, but if it's lost or stolen passport replacement it's only the one week turnaround service. You still have to go in person, but they post the new one out, rather than giving it to you on the day. God knows why!

OP posts:
IncognitoUsername · 15/07/2024 15:34

The holiday isn’t ruined, just different. Check your insurance to see if you can cancel if you don’t want to go on your own. How long are you going for - could DH join you later?
As a side note, this kind of thing is why I micro manage everything about our holiday! DH has his last business trip this week and then I’ll be getting hold of his passport.

phishy · 15/07/2024 15:34

What a twat. The first thing I do before booking a holiday or flights is check passport is in its safe place and in date.

I'm glad he's missing out.

llamajohn · 15/07/2024 15:35

StormingNorman · 15/07/2024 15:29

If it’s a driving holiday, can he not catch you up when his passport comes through. Just fly or get on a train to meet you?

This sounds a good idea.

llamajohn · 15/07/2024 15:36

phishy · 15/07/2024 15:34

What a twat. The first thing I do before booking a holiday or flights is check passport is in its safe place and in date.

I'm glad he's missing out.

He and it at the time of booking ...

Original poster
SaturdayFive · 15/07/2024 15:44

He could join us later, by air, assuming the new one comes through in time, but it would hardly be worth it as we are only away for a week. I've been worried he might lose it since he took it out of the Safe Place and asked him repeatedly if he was keeping track of it.
I don't think the insurance would cover me not wanting to go, I still want to go as the kids will be upset not to but it's not what I would have chosen as a sole adult.
It's not a big deal really I know, but just incredibly frustrating when I have done everything to make sure it's all sorted.

OP posts:
TeaGinandFags · 15/07/2024 15:44

As phishy said.

I'm intrigued: at what point is this your fault? You're his wife, not his mother.

Original poster
SaturdayFive · 15/07/2024 15:47

TeaGinandFags · 15/07/2024 15:44

As phishy said.

I'm intrigued: at what point is this your fault? You're his wife, not his mother.

Because I said to get a new one, and now even if the old one is found it has been cancelled now, so he wouldn't be able to use it anyway. All a bit theroretical as it's disappeared off the face of the earth. But yeah it's not my fault!

OP posts:
BigCuteBaby567 · 15/07/2024 15:51

I'd be so so angry with him. And blaming you for it too?? I'd tell him to not bother coming at all, even if he does get his passport.

I know people are trying to be positive by saying the holiday has not been ruined just changed but I disagree. I'd hate to go on holiday with no adult company, be 100% responsible for everything and everyone. If I knew I'd have no husband to go with, I'd plan things differently. Especially a driving holiday, that's so tiring if you have to do both the driving and everything else.

Original poster
SaturdayFive · 15/07/2024 15:52

Chersfrozenface · 15/07/2024 15:31

OP, how much driving is all the driving?

With only one driver, will you need to book and pay for unplanned overnights?

It's 8 hours drive from ferry to accommodation so definitely doable with decent breaks, just not what I would have chosen.

OP posts:
InTheRainOnATrain · 15/07/2024 15:56

Oh no! He owes you an apology for saying it’s your fault about the cancellation/appointment time but equally it’s not his fault either, just a really annoying accident. If you go in 4 days, he can get and appointment in 7 can’t he join you by flying that evening? Then he still gets half the holiday and he can do the drive home to make it up to you?

greenpolarbear · 15/07/2024 15:58

We've attached air tags/tiles to ours, too late for this time but if he loses things a lot could be worth it for the next one.

cloudy477654 · 15/07/2024 15:58

Well it's annoying but accidents happen. Can he get it quicker by physically going to a passport office?
Or fly out to join you later when the passport arrives?
Or tbh how much money would you lose cancelling or rescheduling? I would look in to that because there's no way I'd be happy driving abroad so I just wouldn't be able to go without DH

TimeandMotion · 15/07/2024 15:59

At very least he should be driving you to the ferry. He can train it home.

I’d be livid. He should have (a) taken more care and (b) faced up to the potential loss sooner.

Is it really worth going without him? In your position I’d cancel and get on to arranging a week of activities in the UK based from home.

IdLikeToBeAFraser · 15/07/2024 16:01

I would go for the emergency passport. Recently there was an issue with my renewal so the passport office rang me to clarify and I had to send over a new document. I was fairly gobsmacked to receive a text message 2 days later saying the yhad my new, correct documents and a day later to receive my passport. So you might be surprised. If they print it tomorrow, you could still iave it in time or only a day late and he can catch up.

Also, thank you for reminding me - I think my passport is in my jacket pocket after voting. I must go and put it away.

cloudy477654 · 15/07/2024 16:02

phishy · 15/07/2024 15:34

What a twat. The first thing I do before booking a holiday or flights is check passport is in its safe place and in date.

I'm glad he's missing out.

Harsh! OP said the passport has been needed for ID checks recently. I would be very annoyed but also accept that accidents happen.
I lost our joint account card recently, very unlike me because I'm usually very careful, I just ordered a new one - wouldn't have expected DH to be annoyed with me!

Cornishclio · 15/07/2024 16:03

It is annoying. Is it feasible to catch a train from the ferry to the accommodation?