What do you wish you’d known about where to raise your kids?

[Rainbowsponge]

We are at a bit of a crossroads in terms of relocating - we have a few options, so very interested to hear your views on how important (or not) the following are:

Choice of schools/‘good’ schools (I realise it depends on the child but broadly speaking)

Nature/beaches/outdoor areas

Access to city life

Proximity to wider family

Whether you regret, or don’t regret, going for a bigger house in cheaper area versus smaller house in ‘nicer’/more connected area

Plus anything else you’d like to throw in!

Thanks

Honestly, don’t overthink it too much. I mean, don’t deliberately move to a total war zone but otherwise, most places are fine and they can move where they want when they’re adults. Move where you want to live.

I asked my kids as they are adults now and I thought it would be interesting to hear

They loved the fact that they were raised in a community. Almost everyone local went to the local school. This meant they could easily go to friends (and friends to us). Also meant if there were emergencies, loads of people were on hand to help.

We chose smaller house in a connected area and it was never an issue for us. I'm pleased we made that decision.

We live in a smaller house in a well-connected area with good schools, and our teenagers regularly tell me how pleased they are to live where they do - they can be properly independent and have plenty to do (and access to part time jobs) within walking) cycling distance.

Being closer to family would have nice, but wasn't really an option.

Your children, so only you can say what may or not be best for them. Not sure what a bunch of internet randoms can add.

Somewhere they can walk to their friends houses when they are older without being stabbed

We went for the nature / beach / outdoor option from your list and it's bliss. The kids are 2 and nearly 6 and very happy.

What made things easier for us:

being in a town and going to local school, so their school friends were in walking distance. Not something either of us had growing up.

Network of footpaths and nearby green spaces so we could take out them when little without piling into car. We didn’t even consider that when buying, realised afterwards how lucky we were.

house big enough that we weren’t forever trying to keep them and their friends quiet for the neighbours’ sake.

I wish I didn't live somewhere that has so many hills.
I mean the name of my area is X Hill (not X obviously - but I'm not giving the actual name😂).
Every other street is called Something Hill.
What was I thinking 😂

I am very pleased to have had my teens years in a good sized town where everyone went to same secondary. It meant I could be very independent and everyone knew each other. We’ve chosen to live in a town centre location and have a smaller house - it’s been great since I’ve been on maternity leave as everything is so close and can walk everywhere.

I didn’t really know what I wanted from a house for kids until I had kids, which isn’t really helpful I’m afraid.

Also what doesn’t suit one family, does suit another. We sold our old house because we found it stressful with DC. It was an old house, the floors were uneven. When they were learning to walk there was lots of sticky out bits for them to crack their head on. We felt disconnected from the community, it was a pain to take the pram anywhere because the pavements were barely wide enough to get a pram down. But another family bought it with DC the same age. That house was what they wanted for their kids and how they wanted to raise their kids. The issues we had were still there (any house has its issues) but they valued the rural life more than we did so it minimised those issues for them.

If you have the choice to relocate near family, I’d pick that personally. Especially if you think they will be involved. Involved doesn’t have to mean doing childcare (although that helps) but ad-hoc childcare and even just popping to the farm every so often.

You just make the best of where you are.
Ideally, we would have had family closer but Education and work opportunities have seen me end up in a country I’m not from, married to a DP also not from here, with happy settled kids, a big friendship circle, brilliant community, I play a sport that I hadn’t played since childhood and love it. And now coach kids in it, even have a license to do so from
the governing body.
You never know where life is going to take you- you just keep say ‘yes’ I’ll try that and give it a go.

We live in the NE so have a big period property with a nice garden in a conservation area 15 minutes walk from the town centre in a lovely market town, cost us less than my brother's tiny flat in Bethnal Green. Kids can walk to school and to their friends houses, the local schools are very good, the local theatre is 5 mins drive away and parking is free, we're within an hour of 2 national parks and 3 world heritage sites.

I'd rather have the space and money we have here than live in an expensive tiny flat in a big city. And having grown up in the back of beyond I can appreciate all the opportunities my kids have living somewhere there is lots going on. I think we've hit the sweet spot. However, what suits me may not suit everyone, I know people at home who love the peace and isolation, I know people who live in London who would despise my provincial life.

Not a very helpful answer but I think it really depends on your family lifestyle and the kids you have. What do you spend your weekends doing? How much do you need family around you?

I've had a few friends move out of London when they had children and others who stayed and it's been a mixed bag.

One family moved to fairly rural Hampshire and their kids absolutely hate it. They're alternative, one is really arty and ND. They feel bored and stifled, they haven't found their tribes in their schools and community and don't feel like they fit. They crave the city life they left.

Others have absolutely thrived and it just suits them but that could change again as kids get older. Places that are great with young kids then feel disconnected when their mates are spread out and they need lifts all the time and can't easily jump on a bus/train to the cinema or into town.

That XH would never let me leave and I shouldn’t have compromised

On a more useful note: smaller house in nicer area. Hopefully as you come out of young children phase your budget might increase, but your children will also be settled in a school and your spouse can stop you ever leaving.

If your kids have interests that need a club of some sort, or are generally sporty, think about how much driving you are prepared to do to support it!

We moved a few years ago to a small town with all the advantages of kids all going to same school and lots of freedom for them to meet up with friends etc. Right choice.

But they're both pursuing sports where facilities are in the nearest city. Neither of them are super talented but they really enjoy them and we want to support it. So we are now on 4 evenings and 2 mornings driving an hour each way and spending up to 3 hours waiting for them. Youngest has a try out for a related team in the same place this Sunday and if she gets in I am looking for a campsite!!

I've had a few friends move out of London when they had children and others who stayed and it's been a mixed bag.

One family moved to fairly rural Hampshire and their kids absolutely hate it. They're alternative, one is really arty and ND. They feel bored and stifled, they haven't found their tribes in their schools and community and don't feel like they fit. They crave the city life they left.

I do think this is a specific SE issue, I was shocked when I lived down there how there was a 50 mile radius cultural desert around London because everyone went into the city. In other parts of the country that isn't really the case, there's loads of things going on in towns and villages big and small. Like I said, I grew up in the back of beyond but there's still a big artistic community and an arts festival there.

We moved from London to small town on South Coast when DS was pre-schooler. Good schools, beach, countryside, fairly easy access to city but definitely small town vibe. Loads of activities/sport/dance/ etc etc for DS and later for DD, who was born here to have access to. No family within 2.5/3 hours drive at the time. DH and I both worked and found fab childcare and made good friendship network which helped with DCs were small.
We had big house on not the best street. Glad we had the big house as DCs loved bringing friends back as we had space for them to entertain. They still talk about how much they enjoyed having that when they were young teens. It was definitely worth it for us not choosing the best street so we had more space.
Absolutely do not regret moving from London. Every time we go back to visit family I breathe a sigh of relief when we leave and come back home. DS did move away for couple of years and travelled/worked abroad but has moved back here to settle and raise his own family.

We live near:

Loads of parks and trails, in particular a huge park very close to us

A swimming pool

Near the highway

Local community feel, easy enough to get around on foot/bike for the kids to gain independence

Train station to go downtown

Great library/community events

Great primary schools and affordable private high schools within biking distance

Proximity to good amenities - museums, parks, theatres, sports centres. Somewhere where you can cycle and walk everywhere if you choose. Proximity to nature. Somewhere cosmopolitan.

Close to the extended family.

Good schools.

That's it, really! )))

I grew up rurally. As a result we now live firmly in suburbia and I love it:
Walk to schools, all of which are good
Friends in walking distance
Walk to town (where there is a proper High St not just a single supermarket)
Walk to the leisure centre for swimming
15 minute drive to work
Lots of walks locally. Beach is very much a day out though, we are nowhere near the coast.

We never made any accomodation for our DC because we established and built a business locally. Moving for school was a non starter, because in a very agricultural area, the schools are generally so so. It was where we lived, and that was it. Obviously, we made arrangements to visit London for museums and Stratford for theatre and to travel, but we usually had friends and acquaintances everywhere we went.

I've had a few friends move out of London when they had children and others who stayed and it's been a mixed bag.

One family moved to fairly rural Hampshire and their kids absolutely hate it. They're alternative, one is really arty and ND. They feel bored and stifled, they haven't found their tribes in their schools and community and don't feel like they fit. They crave the city life they left.

This is what I came on to say. I live in London and when my DD was younger I wondered a lot about moving out to somewhere greener and with a smaller community etc etc and now she’s 13 I am really glad I didn’t.

Whats good for infants and primary aged children is often less good for teenagers. Green spaces to play in and beaches are idyllic for a seven year old, for a 14 year old they are utter boredom. A small community might be comforting for a young child, for an older one and particularly one who is different in any way or one who is ambitious it’s likely to become really stifling.

Growing up in a medium sized city outside London I saw loads of kids who lived rurally desperately trying to find reasons to stay at my house because it offered access to stuff.

Its very fashionable at the moment to extol the benefits of boredom for kids but boredom for teenagers is not so great: bored teenagers are far more likely to get into trouble than those with access to friends, leisure activities, sports, clubs, cinema etc.

I work in fitness so I know that pollution has direct damaging mental, emotional and physical effects, we need nature for mental health, if theres more space kids can be more active, etc, so country rather than city on that basis alone is better (hard to afford though).

I grew up on a farm in the countryside which is beautiful. However, I hated it as a child. I had to rely on my parents to take me everywhere and all I wanted was to live on an estate (like my friends) where other kids could "knock on you".

I now live in a close where the children all play and my kids love it. I wish we had more space....

We had ours in London, Shoreditch to be more specific, personally we wouldn’t have lived anywhere else in the UK. Good local schools, great parks, lots to do that was either very cheap or free. Small school catchment meant our sons friends were all on his door step so play dates were very easy to organise. We left the UK and we now live in Stockholm in an area not too different to Shoreditch, it gives us a very similar life to the one we had in the UK. For us city living is the only way for us, we wouldn’t want to live in a village or a small town, it just wouldn’t suit us.