What do you wish you’d known about where to raise your kids?

[Rainbowsponge]

We are at a bit of a crossroads in terms of relocating - we have a few options, so very interested to hear your views on how important (or not) the following are:

Choice of schools/‘good’ schools (I realise it depends on the child but broadly speaking)

Nature/beaches/outdoor areas

Access to city life

Proximity to wider family

Whether you regret, or don’t regret, going for a bigger house in cheaper area versus smaller house in ‘nicer’/more connected area

Plus anything else you’d like to throw in!

Thanks

It depends on age of children etc but things I find do make life easier, if budget/ option allows:

Decent sized garden so you can have play dates/ birthday parties at home if you wish to do so

Open plan living so you can crack on with dinner while kids play

Some sort of playground within walking proximity

Some kind of footpaths or pavements so kids can go on scooters/ bikes without having to pile in the car every time

My parents moved to the countryside for our childhood. We had to be driven everywhere all the time. There was no independence to be had, our buses were 4 times a day in each direction and took an hour to get to a city.

My parents are growing up in a built up area and we get so much more exercise as we can walk/ scooter to school, beavers, the park, karate, the pool. I think it's better.

After I split with my ex I stayed in south london / Surrey border instead of heading back north where I grew up due to the good schools and proximity to the city. I don’t regret that; both have done amazingly well in GCSE - A level and at good Uni (one still due to do that). The downside is on me, not even started paying a mortgage yet until I move north in 2yrs. We also have a lot of countryside here so it’s a great place to live but it doesn’t come cheap. If I had my time again I’d probably relocate north but in an area with excellent state schools. Or grammar area and tutor them. Even though DS got 9 x grade 9’s and 3 A* at A level he didn’t get into the grammars in this area as they are so competitive and parents start tutoring at a very young age. Not sure I’d want that competitive environment for them so don’t regret my choices really.

And not too remote! I love that we get ice cream vans where we live, everyone goes out trick or treating etc. I grew up in a lovely big house in a private drive but I had to be driven everywhere and could never play out and those things are important to a kid

Personally I don’t want to spend my life as a taxi driver so not too rural. Good to have things locally, lots of ways to meet people. Space is good but safe area. Living near family/help is big one.

Early days yet for us but we went for a smaller home in a more convenient area and no regrets yet. We both have an easy commute which makes juggling work and nursery manageable and we can have a home cooked dinner together before DD goes to bed.

My DD hates the car and can be carsick after 15 min so being able to walk lots of places is a big plus for us.

Of course you can’t have everything and I would love to be closer to the coast.

I also massively underestimated how hard it is to be really far away from family (think other side of the world). Travelling so see family is so expensive that we can’t currently save enough to do it as nursery and mortgage sick up most of our income and long haul travel with toddlers is so stressful (for me). My DD is the only grandchild in the family and I’m sad she hardly sees her grandparents and cousins on the other side of the family.

I get the message that one should build your life around DC needs, but once you have decent school options sorted (we did not do this well, but I don't think we were wrong either), you are free to choose. For most families, I think the priority has to be the source of your income. In our case, because we have an SME, we prioritised staying close to major customers, so moving wasn't an option.

It also meant that our DC always picked up properly paid work at weekends instead of pocket money work, because there were always useful serious unskilled jobs to be done(lots of pressure washing), and at 17 they had a garden contracting round. Yes, I dropped DC off and picked them up for a few months until they had a driving license but after A levels, they worked in hospitality until going to university. DC has a work ethic.

Definitely be aware of schools! I live in a poorer postcode area and mostly that isn’t an issue, my rent is cheap, and cost of living is generally lower. BUT the schools are atrocious.
I’d still pick urban over rural as generally better for amenities, but we are coastal, which is nice, and not too far to get to the countryside.

Middle sized town, kids can walk to the shop, bus to school, high street and friends houses. I had dreamed of living more rurally in splendid isolation, but now they are teens I'm glad we don't. Although I might move when they are grown and gone.
Also disagree with the pp about open plan. We had open plan in our last house and I hated the mess, I could never escape from. Now I have doors I can close and pretend it's not there!

We have a small ish flat in a lovely area, love that they can walk to school, lovely parks. Hospitals 5 mins drive away. Friends near by - all brilliant.
I grew up in the middle of nowhere but loved it. Miss the beaches and nature but kind of think there's no perfect solution!

I would add that being close to family I would rate very highly in hindsight. Parenting is much harder when there isn't someone you can call on to help.

Nothing. We stayed in the house and the area we were in and didn't consider anything else.

I think if your options are across different countries I’d consider weather. I now live in a place with beaches, lots of outdoor stuff etc but most of the year the weather is shit so it’s pointless. Actually all the damp and humidity from the water in the cold temps is awful.

Independence for older kids is a huge priority for me and we get that with city living. Driving teenagers to and fro for events or locations is really not something I ever wanted to do.

The school standards and expectations in our beautiful area of outstanding natural beauty are not the same as parents would expect in Guildford, Twickenham or anywhere naice. And there's not much work here for them, until they return with money for property to advise their parents' generation.

I live in a very well connected village to 2 towns and can get into London in about 25 mins.

I do live about 3.5 hours away from my family which is a big regret as I know they would be active and supportive in our lives if we were local. Unfortunately our jobs are centered around the south east so in that respect, moving to be closer to family isn't an option. Also my 'home town' is a bit of a shit hole with awful schools so we would have had to send DC to private schools

I would think about your teenage DC - can they be independent and be safe. TBH primary school DC are easier as they are always supervised by someone, so think about your DC as teenagers, is there stuff for them to do

We are both Londoners, and never seriously considered bringing our kids up anywhere else, as we both had positive experiences of childhood in the city.

We did sacrifice some things for others, though. Moved from a really vibrant Zone 2 area to a fairly dull Zone 4 suburb for a bigger house and garden, and better schools.

We both struggled with suburbia initially, but like the slightly more staid vibe now. We are still on a tube line and well connected for trains and buses, and that’s become really important now we have teens.

Our kids love London life. Neither would want to live elsewhere and are planning on staying here for university.

I get the occasional pang to live by the coast, but realistically, I’m spoilt with the ease and convenience of London and nowhere else in the UK compares.

I went the opposite. Larger house in less good area. Not a bad area. Not high crime or dodgy neighbours or anything like that, but not the premium area. Larger house means it was OK for DS1 to have 21 friends round while DS2 had five, they could play without annoying the neighbours, they had space to get away from each other, we could host games parties with a big table to put out the board on.

Schools were a big factor in where we have settled - mainly secondary schools.

We went for a bigger house, in the slightly cheaper side of the village. I do enjoy the space

Just bear in mind that younger children are generally happy wherever they are. They mainly need you, nice outdoor places and don't question the life they are living.

Teens lose interest in the outdoor spaces, are more focused on friends and will have hobbies and interests (that you may well not have any idea of when they are younger) that they want to pursue. Also schools can be more problematic at that age - it helps if you have some choices and can find one to suit your child. They may also want jobs to fund their social life.

Pros and cons for us:

11+ area - both went to grammars and had great educations but this would’ve been v different if they went to sec mods instead. 11+ system stressful and divisive

Close to London - this has been brilliant as they have grown

Train station 2 mins away - again brilliant for school and socialising - independence

Small village - was good at primary age, now one is more of a country walks type and the other def craves travel and the big city life

Outdoor space with outbuildings away from house - this is good when they have friends over and want to be loud/private

We love living in a village with young kids. Nice school, plenty of outdoor life and a fast train into London. Really safe so can give more independence to walk to local park/shop etc. However i think there'll be a few years when kids are teenagers with a living in a decent size town has its benefits - them having friends in walking distance and amenities like leisure centres, facilities for hobbies.

Nowhere is perfect!

Living in proximity to family wasn't an option for us, alas. But we did opt for a close-knit village community and it's great. All the village kids go to the same school, lots of the staff live locally. Friendly neighbours. Relatively safe for kids to walk around. Low traffic and lots of green space. DS has AuDHD and everyone is very accepting of his quirks, so he feels part of the community. I think what we have is rare and I'm very very grateful for it.

@Rainbowsponge what are you trying to weigh up?

For instance, if you were thinking of moving back to be near family, if it's a deprived area with little amenities, rubbish schools; you would really need to think about the benefits of such a move