Underdressed teens prancing about on school stage

[tumdedum]

I'm feel so old but when did this become a thing?
I've been to a couple of high school showcase evenings this year. Where the kids show off their singing, play musical instruments, do some acting or dancing.
The evenings are really good and it's brilliant for the kids to be able to show off their talents but sometimes the clothes the girls wear for the dancing acts seem a bit inappropriate to me.
The one I went to last week had two teenage girls in what looked like knickers and t-shirts dancing very well but rather erotically to a Beyonce song.
The girls were really good at dancing and would not have been out of place on a stage or a lap dancing club but AIBU to feel it's not very appropriate at a school event?
Do all high schools have these sort of dance classes? Is dancing around in skimpy clothes just a normal thing to do nowadays?
I'll put down the pearls I have been clutching and am fully prepared to be told to get with the times!

No I don't react in the same way to athletes, gymnasts or swimmers but then they don't usually start twerking at me.

In my primary school in the 80s I have a clear memory of seeing a school production in which what would have been year 6 girls were in some sort of a beauty contest, wearing sashes and string bikinis. I was younger and remember feeling really uncomfortable about it and worried I might have to do that in year 6 (or standard 4 as we called it then). Fortunately we only ever had age appropriate productions after that. I don’t know who was in charge of the bikini show. So no, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable…!

Exactly. It's not empowerment to twerk half naked when you're a child.

No I don't react in the same way to athletes, gymnasts or swimmers but then they don't usually start twerking at me.

So the issue isn't the dress?

It's the style of dance wearing that dress? Would you have felt the same way if they dressed like that doing ballet or tap?

Seriously - it's just clothing. Clothing you've admitted you have no problem with!

Her clothing is about her, not you - she has no responsibility to make you feel anything.
Her vulnerability exists merely because she is a female - women are attacked or raped in a variety of outfits.
You cannot judge her approach to feminism or feminism in general based on one outfit.
Women deserve to be taken seriously regardless of how they look.
You are part of the issue.

@tumdedum i think we were at the same school production. It was absolutely cringeworthy and awful.

Well you are right in that her clothing is about her and not about me.

But quite frankly I think the rest of what you say is a load of nonsense and tbh sounds like you are parroting some mantra.

Of course people judge others on how they look. They make assumptions about a person from what they wear. It is a fact. It is not a nice fact but it is true. The clothes a person wears send a message: why does the fashion industry exist otherwise?

And do you really think men take eg a stripper seriously ? She does deserve respect as a human being but I think you will find the vast majority of men, and quite a few women see her as a sex object. It's not nice. Not right. But that's how society works.

I don't really know what you mean when you say I am part of the issue. I am a sentient being and I have a view point. If I see somebody, something, some incident then I have thoughts. If I see a young woman walking virtually naked down a town street then of course I have thoughts. My thoughts in this case were concern and sadness . You can bet your life everyone else was having thoughts and most wouldn't have been as benign or innocent as mine.

No you're right it isn't just the clothing. I perhaps haven't thought it through fully when I first posted.
It's a combination of the clothes and the type of dancing. It didn't fit in the school setting. It made me feel uncomfortable (and old!) at the time. Now having read all the replies I feel sad for young girls and all they have to live up to / deal with.

I guess it's an age old trope though. Victorians frowned upon girls who showed their ankles. Imagine what mumsnetters of the 1920s would have said about the Flappers. Who knows what will become shocking in the future - maybe pole dancing will be on the curriculum by 2050!

It's not a load of nonsense.

Honestly I do not care about this, I let my dd wear what ever she likes (she is 14) however if something is clearly underwear and not outer wear I would have a word about appropriateness. I though would never tell her not to wear x y z for safety or in fear of being attacked or sexualised as it creates a culture of victim blaming.

But you said, earlier, that an adult teacher dressed skimpily would be taken less seriously because of her outfits. I agreed there was an issue of double standards, but can't you see that you judge an adult women by her clothes, and expect children to as well. When in reality, her own clothes shouldn't impede her ability to ensure pupils follow the rules set for pupils.

There's a good bit of shaming/victim blaming on this thread - it's awful. 😔

The best tip I have if you don't want your teen to wear something revealing is ask to borrow it or threaten to pick them up from school in it - not actually done this but we do borrow each others clothes (mostly gym gear) so it's always made me chuckle

I'm not judging what she wears per se. She helped to set the dress code however, yet also pretty much flouts it. It's not a good example.

I also think personally - if I saw a swimmer at the Olympics I wouldn't feel uncomfortable. If I saw a teenager wearing something stupid on the weekend on the bus I wouldn't feel uncomfortable (I might worry they were cold). But if I saw the same teenager in really skimpy sexualised clothing that had been chosen by the teachers, or that had been approved by the teachers/parents, I would feel uncomfortable. Particularly if they were young teens and dancing provocatively while adults clapped along.
There's a difference between teenagers pushing boundaries/testing what they can get away with (we have all been there) and this being encouraged/OK'd by adults with responsibility. What teens do on their own time is different to what schools accept as OK on school time/premises. Its why Regina Georges mum was meant to be an example of a bad mum.

A good example of what though? I think you DO know the difference between appropriate and inappropriate. Otherwise you wouldn't even notice the teachers clothes.

I haven't said anything is inappropriate, merely the double standard. I notice that she is wearing clothes which are extremely close to being not allowed, according to a dress code she helped write. I'm not the only one who sees the hypocrisy.

She is still a child and yet you are happy for her to sexualise herself?
If she choses to sexualise herself, with your permission how does that create a culture of victim blaming? Both of you are exercising a choice to present her as sexual so how is she a victim?
I don't understand your post .

My dd called them the prancing girls, no decernable talent apart from moving provocatively to a piece of music but they won the talent show because the boys voted for them. She had a vested interest though as she is a poor looser (piano accompanying herself singing classical music or opera)

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Are you for real?
No matter what clothes someone wears they will always be the victim if someone choses to denigrate them or attack them.

Well I was being disingenuous.
As a personal view:a 14 year old is a child and I would have thought a bit of parental guidance on appropriateness or inappropriateness of dress would stand the daughter in better stead rather than just letting her do what she wants. She is a child after all and that implies a lack of worldly experience. It's entirely up to the parent if course. But I still don't understand her point about victim blaming culture as a reason for letting her child do as she wants.

And my point is that there is no special conspiracy to dress girls in sexual outfits made by hive mind of fashion brands.

It is idiotic parents that decide 3y old girls need mini skirts to play in a park and buy that shit. And after ten years they complain online how 13y olds are sexulized. Well yeah, you kinda decided to dress them like pedophiles dream since they were born.
If parents stop buying it no one would produce baby items made of fishnet and other nonsense.

From your description OP I would feel the same way in your shoes.

The clothing offering in this country is a disgrace and contributes. As for Beyonce, miming her National Anthem lost any respect I had for her.

Ok re victim blaming:

There is an implied current that if you dress a certain way you invite sexual harrasment / sexual assault as the aggressor won't be able to control themselves. This is constant throughout a females life.

"Don't go upside down on the monkey bars as your knickers will show and the boys will laugh"

"Don't roll your skirt up for school or Bois may think you want sex and harass you or put their hands up your skirt"

"Dressing in a low cut top implies your single and what other reaction except for harassment were you expecting"

When in reality my clothing is not a message- you should only touch with consent and it's the eyes of the viewer sexualising the child not the clothes