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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Underdressed teens prancing about on school stage

281 replies

tumdedum · 14/07/2024 12:22

I'm feel so old but when did this become a thing?
I've been to a couple of high school showcase evenings this year. Where the kids show off their singing, play musical instruments, do some acting or dancing.
The evenings are really good and it's brilliant for the kids to be able to show off their talents but sometimes the clothes the girls wear for the dancing acts seem a bit inappropriate to me.
The one I went to last week had two teenage girls in what looked like knickers and t-shirts dancing very well but rather erotically to a Beyonce song.
The girls were really good at dancing and would not have been out of place on a stage or a lap dancing club but AIBU to feel it's not very appropriate at a school event?
Do all high schools have these sort of dance classes? Is dancing around in skimpy clothes just a normal thing to do nowadays?
I'll put down the pearls I have been clutching and am fully prepared to be told to get with the times!

OP posts:
Werweisswohin · 14/07/2024 13:38

biscuitandcake · 14/07/2024 13:31

Yes, and schools etc have cracked down on it for years.

I don't like the whole "girls can't show their shoulders because it distracts the male students" thing. But at the same time - trying to push the boundaries as a young teenager (by rolling up your skirt, wearing leggings instead of trousers etc, doing very provocative dance routines) is very normal. Girls compete with each other and copy each other as part of a female social hierarchy thing. It is normal but its also normal and healthy though for schools/adults to push back on it. It is important that they do because otherwise it just gets more and more extreme. And girls who are teenagers but still basically children end up sexualising themselves in a way they don't really understand.

Its like the problems with tiktok where younger teenagers start filming stupid stuff and are then encouraged to "twirl for the camera" "do a full body shot of the outfit" etc in exchange for online payment. The (adults) encouraging this are disgusting of course. But there are predatory adults out there and if all the normal adults step back and refuse to show children there are any boundaries on what clothes they should wear/what dance moves are sexualised, you are leaving children to navigate that world themselves. And its not fair.

TL/DR 20 years on I will grudgingly concede my old form tutor Had A Point and was not just being a grumpy fun sponge.

My son's school has a dress code regarding skirt length, top length etc (no uniform though) - the problem is that one of the teachers in quite a senior role actively and routinely breaks the code herself. This is definitely a double standard.

DoYouSmokePaul · 14/07/2024 13:40

Our school drama department used to do a show every year in the village hall where pupils lip-synched to well-known songs and did dances/dressed up as the singer etc.
The year Moulin Rouge came out, a group of fifteen year old girls did Lady Marmalade, complete with stockings, suspenders, corsets etc. No one batted an eyelid.

LondonFox · 14/07/2024 13:40

GingerIsBest · 14/07/2024 13:13

Here is a photo I took years ago. The shorts on the left are boys age 1. The ones on the right are girls aged 2-3.....

What is the problem exactly?
Boys are in general bigger than girls.
Also, labels are just for guidance. Most European countries use height for that reason.

As a parent you can surelly dress your toddler DD in boys clothes if you prefer that.
I reused all DSs for mine and just got few missing pieces from girls stand (as I found them cute)

Bbq1 · 14/07/2024 13:42

GingerIsBest · 14/07/2024 13:13

Here is a photo I took years ago. The shorts on the left are boys age 1. The ones on the right are girls aged 2-3.....

People can always choose to buy the boy style for girls.

Harvestmoon49 · 14/07/2024 13:42

Grmumpy · 14/07/2024 13:33

I worked at a college and felt sorry for the young boys when young girls came into class with bare stomachs tight shorts and low cut tops..made it hard for the boys to keep focused on their work!

Ffs. Can't believe I've just read that 🤦🏻‍♀️

Barleysugar86 · 14/07/2024 13:43

GingerIsBest · 14/07/2024 13:02

What obvious reasons? Because as I said a minute ago, I think it's entirely our fault. Toddler girls are put in tight clothes. Compare a size 2-3 pair of girls shorts with a size 2-3 pair of boy shorts and you will be shocked. And then suddenly, we want girls to "cover up" and not wear revealing clothes when that's what they've been wearing practically since birth!?

To be fair thought the only time my toddler daughter wears shorts in a way you really see them is on the beach. Otherwise they are modesty shorts under her dresses when she wears them with socks- I think that's quite a normal use for them most of the time for girls?

Lentilweaver · 14/07/2024 13:43

Werweisswohin · 14/07/2024 13:30

Isn't it partly hormones kicking in? Much as we avoid it, humans are animals essentially trying to attract (a) mate(s).

So only girls need to attract men? There is really a marked difference between the way young girls and young boys look these days. And porn culture hurts only one sex.

ohyesido · 14/07/2024 13:44

I attended my DS’ high school production of Spring Awakening when he was 16.

mortified was I, expecting a nice musical performance of something like Midsummer Night’s Dream. Instead I got semi nudity and “adult themes’ choreographed by a very intense 26 year old drama teacher.

the same teacher implied that any outraged parents must be homophobic (?) bigots who don’t understand art

Werweisswohin · 14/07/2024 13:45

Lentilweaver · 14/07/2024 13:43

So only girls need to attract men? There is really a marked difference between the way young girls and young boys look these days. And porn culture hurts only one sex.

Did I say that?
In reality girls mostly go through puberty earlier so start having interest in boys (or girls) earlier - they show that in a variety of ways, including clothing.
Boys do things to attract mates too.

BouquetGarni224 · 14/07/2024 13:46

or a lap dancing club

Pmsl.

Seriously though, I really feel they have this shoved down their throats by music videos etc from when young. Even concert performances (Beyonce, Taylor Swift), it's always shorts/body suits and knee highs boots or stockings.

It's up to the school to knock this on the head though. And/or parents who should ask what the costumes are.

quantumbutterfly · 14/07/2024 13:48

We're kidding that we're dressing for ourselves if it's sexualised. Dancers need clothes they can move in of course,and they are often scanty, but Beyonce sells sex branded as empowerment.

I was looking at pictures of the Kardashian sisters with their boobs spilling out at the recent very lush Indian wedding. It seemed very disrespectful of their hosts.

As for how uncomfortable Bianca Censori looks under the dominance of Kanye West.....

BouquetGarni224 · 14/07/2024 13:49

Bbq1 · 14/07/2024 13:42

People can always choose to buy the boy style for girls.

They shouldn't have to though, should they.

dapsnotplimsolls · 14/07/2024 13:52

Berlinlover · 14/07/2024 12:51

My former secondary school which was a convent school when I attended thirty years ago performed Miss Saigon for their Christmas show a couple of years back. Completely inappropriate.

My mind is still boggling over this.

ClaudineMallory · 14/07/2024 13:54

quantumbutterfly · 14/07/2024 13:48

We're kidding that we're dressing for ourselves if it's sexualised. Dancers need clothes they can move in of course,and they are often scanty, but Beyonce sells sex branded as empowerment.

I was looking at pictures of the Kardashian sisters with their boobs spilling out at the recent very lush Indian wedding. It seemed very disrespectful of their hosts.

As for how uncomfortable Bianca Censori looks under the dominance of Kanye West.....

Good points.

LondonFox · 14/07/2024 13:54

BouquetGarni224 · 14/07/2024 13:49

They shouldn't have to though, should they.

Tbh there is so much (more than needed) clothes options for fuckung toddlers you can surelly find something for your girl.
I hate superhero branded stuff for boys so I just avoid them in a shop.
It is not that hard.
Stop being dramatic.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 14/07/2024 13:54

My dd dances, just for fun not competitive but others alongside are doing competitions. I opted for day to day for her to wear leggings with a baggy t shirt but for some exams she needs shorts with a leotard and yes they are short shorts (no choice) the competition dancers are in crop tops and shorts and that's the same for most competition outfits. If these girls are dancers as opposed to just making up their own routine these are the outfits that they'll have and be used to wearing. Its part of the reason mine doesn't compete.

Werweisswohin · 14/07/2024 13:55

quantumbutterfly · 14/07/2024 13:48

We're kidding that we're dressing for ourselves if it's sexualised. Dancers need clothes they can move in of course,and they are often scanty, but Beyonce sells sex branded as empowerment.

I was looking at pictures of the Kardashian sisters with their boobs spilling out at the recent very lush Indian wedding. It seemed very disrespectful of their hosts.

As for how uncomfortable Bianca Censori looks under the dominance of Kanye West.....

Your confusing tight with sexualised.

biscuitandcake · 14/07/2024 13:55

Werweisswohin · 14/07/2024 13:38

My son's school has a dress code regarding skirt length, top length etc (no uniform though) - the problem is that one of the teachers in quite a senior role actively and routinely breaks the code herself. This is definitely a double standard.

Hah. I can remember someone wrote to the local paper once to complain about how scruffy some of the teacher's at our school looked(!) We cut out the article and pinned it on the noticeboard.
In general though, being a teenage girl can be really tough (I am sure for boys too). You want to be attractive to boys you are attracted to. You don't want men in white vans aggressively shouting at you as you walk to school (because you look "sexy" in your school uniform FFS). You are basically told that if you dress in a revealing way you are a slag, but if you don't you are prudish, unnattractive etc. While teachers and other adults have their own flaws, its still helpful to have them coming in and setting the rules/boundaries so teenagers don't have to and removing some of that confusion.
Doesn't remove the hypocrisy of the double standard. But its still better the rules are set than otherwise. The teacher is an adult. If she wants people to talk about her shirt length, that's an informed choice she made.

JFDIYOLO · 14/07/2024 13:56

I went to my niece's school end of term show .

Saw the Chicago 'Cell Block Tango' was on the programme.

Wondered quite loudly how they'd be handling the spreadeagle (oral sex?) reference.

Got some Very. Odd. Looks.

LaMadameCholet · 14/07/2024 13:56

Helenloveslee4eva · 14/07/2024 12:25

🤣teas ever thus - all girls grammar 15yrs ago did cabaret cell block tango ….

I think I might have witnessed that. North Kent/ S E London, grey uniform? As a member of staff it was horrific.

GingerIsBest · 14/07/2024 13:56

LondonFox · 14/07/2024 13:40

What is the problem exactly?
Boys are in general bigger than girls.
Also, labels are just for guidance. Most European countries use height for that reason.

As a parent you can surelly dress your toddler DD in boys clothes if you prefer that.
I reused all DSs for mine and just got few missing pieces from girls stand (as I found them cute)

Oh FFS. No, in fact, statistically, boys and girls are similar, or often boys are smaller, at this age.

Of course I can choose what to dress her in. and I DID. But it's very difficult to avoid the many many mesages that girls clothes must be skimpier and tighter when even as babies it's out there with baggy lose clothing as standard for boys and tight, short clothes is standard for girls.

So I find it so frustrating when parents are horrified that their teenage girls are wearing tight clothing considering that practically since the day they're born, parents put girls in tight clothing. All the pearl clutching and hand wringing and "why do they do this".

It's not sexualised, obviously, but the basic premise is there. Just like from the day they are born we don't put boys in skirts/dresses and therefore, the vast bulk of boys as teenagers do not, in fact, wear skirts or dresses.

And there are always people bleating about "leggings are practical" or "well then choose to put your DD in something else" but I dare you to start paying attention and you'll see - at the park, at sports groups, at nursery - the girls are wearing leggings, maybe dresses, short shorts and the boys aren't.

Piggywaspushed · 14/07/2024 13:56

Werweisswohin · 14/07/2024 13:26

It was more leg suits at competition last time I watched however even the high leg suits still cover all the important parts. 😬
The German gymnastics team at an event recently wore more body suit type attire than leotards, so that is an option.

Edited

They did, but did they not have to really fight for it?

There was definitely a thread on here not so long ago about young girls at gym clubs receiving instructions about underwear and the cuts of their leotards.

Lots of evidence the world of gymnastics is misogynistic and highly controlled.

Werweisswohin · 14/07/2024 13:57

biscuitandcake · 14/07/2024 13:55

Hah. I can remember someone wrote to the local paper once to complain about how scruffy some of the teacher's at our school looked(!) We cut out the article and pinned it on the noticeboard.
In general though, being a teenage girl can be really tough (I am sure for boys too). You want to be attractive to boys you are attracted to. You don't want men in white vans aggressively shouting at you as you walk to school (because you look "sexy" in your school uniform FFS). You are basically told that if you dress in a revealing way you are a slag, but if you don't you are prudish, unnattractive etc. While teachers and other adults have their own flaws, its still helpful to have them coming in and setting the rules/boundaries so teenagers don't have to and removing some of that confusion.
Doesn't remove the hypocrisy of the double standard. But its still better the rules are set than otherwise. The teacher is an adult. If she wants people to talk about her shirt length, that's an informed choice she made.

I think if she's pulling up people for dress code then they're not going to take her seriously if she's doing it while breaking the code herself.

ClaudineMallory · 14/07/2024 13:57

Werweisswohin · 14/07/2024 13:38

My son's school has a dress code regarding skirt length, top length etc (no uniform though) - the problem is that one of the teachers in quite a senior role actively and routinely breaks the code herself. This is definitely a double standard.

The teacher is at work, not at school.
Some people fail to see the difference.

Puffalicious · 14/07/2024 13:57

Werweisswohin · 14/07/2024 13:03

You honestly think that the only reason females sometimes wear tight clothes is to attract 'the male gaze'?

Yes, sometimes. But mainly it's because it's peer pressure: this is what the cool kids wear, so I must wear it. Society dictates what young people wear (social media/ designers/ buyers/ bands/ singers- it ever was thus), whether that be knock-off Balenciaga trainers/ Stone Island/ Represent or White Fox hoodies/ bum-enchancing leggings or up your arse-crack Nike hot-pant shorts. Sometimes these items are very sexualised (in the past & now) & it's okay to not like it. I'm an dyed in the wool feminist- all women can wear what they like- but it does concern me that having bum-cheeks/ boobs/camel-toe on display in pre-adult children means that they can be viewed through a sexual lens which they shouldn't be. Unfortunately we still live in a world where women are sometimes viewed through an inappropriate sexual lens.

I've worked with teens/ pre-teens for 30 years & I've never seen so much pressure to look a certain way. I dread non-uniform days (thankfully rare). It's very uncomfortable for everyone to avoid looking at certain areas of a pupil.

For those saying tight clothes are comfortable/ practical; yes they are- I was a ballet dancer all my young years- but you'll find in most of the dance world that the clothing keeps parts of the body covered, thus supported & secure. Cycling shorts & a leotard/ sports vest is very different to a bra & short shorts. And then again it's very different on the athletic field/ Swimming pool to gyrating, sexual dance moves.

Many, many women's sports teams have objected to uniforms being too revealing, campaigning for those similar to the male ones, so it's nothing to do with sports performance in these instances.

No pearls here, or clutching.