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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be up to here with older generation's attitude to car seats

60 replies

comoatoupeira · 13/07/2024 21:12

It's this time of year again, it's the Summer holidays, and they're at it again about the car seats.
My youngest is only 11 months and they're trying to get us to put her front facing (the legs...). I reminded them we talked about that 4 years ago with the eldest (and they've been front facing since age 2, hardly radical, actually against advice).
Loosening the straps (a lot, you could get a teddy bear between them and the straps) on the 5 year old's because she says it's too tight, then driving for 5 hours on the motorway like that.
When the 5 year old gets cross because she gets tangled up getting out, muttering (not quietly, so I can hear): 'yes I know, these car seats are so stupid and unnecessary, we are living in anxious times'.
I'm just ... why? They know driving a car is the most dangerous thing we do. They've all (my parents and my in-laws) had car crashes at some point in their lives, one still has physio because of it. We know someone who's child's life was changed forever because of a car accident.
Why can't they just take it bloody seriously? What are they actually trying to achieve? What do they get out of endangering the safety of my children?
Please rant with me. Thank you.

OP posts:
PunchyLunchy · 13/07/2024 21:13

You’re about to be called ageist, get ready…

BIWI · 13/07/2024 21:16

Well of course she will be called ageist! She has a parent problem. And it's very ageist to assume that everyone the same age as her parents would be as cavalier with their GC safety like this.

I'm guessing I must the same age as the OP's parents, and I can assure you that back in the day when our DC were born (early 1990s), we took car and car seat safety very seriously.

pinksquash13 · 13/07/2024 21:17

Yes yes absolutely. My dad worked in car insurance and wouldn't let me drive til I was 21 due to danger of cars but rear facing is inconvenient for him so he won't listen to my safety concerns.

LittleRedY0shi · 13/07/2024 21:17

Same here! You missed one, albeit not a summer one - "But they'll be cold if they're not wearing their big puffy coat whilst in the car seat"

saraclara · 13/07/2024 21:19

Blame your parents, not their generation.

We were really cautious about car seat safety when our kids were born in the late '80s. And I'm almost more paranoid with my grandkids, because not only am I fiercely protective because I love them so much, but it feels like a huge responsibility as they're not my children. Having to tell their parents that they've come to harm in my care is something I can't bear to think about.

Walkingtheplank · 13/07/2024 21:20

At least they're using car seats. My parents put my toddler in the boot of their estate car. They couldn't see the problem.

Original poster
comoatoupeira · 13/07/2024 21:20

LittleRedY0shi · 13/07/2024 21:17

Same here! You missed one, albeit not a summer one - "But they'll be cold if they're not wearing their big puffy coat whilst in the car seat"

yup that's the Christmas holiday one isn't it. Had that in December.
"I put X in their coat already so they're all ready for the walk when we get out."
"Actually it's not safe to wear a coat in the car seat because the straps and the seat don't fit the kid any longer so on impact it won't protect them properly."
(SILENCE from all assembled, who look at you like you are completely insane).

OP posts:
Original poster
comoatoupeira · 13/07/2024 21:21

saraclara · 13/07/2024 21:19

Blame your parents, not their generation.

We were really cautious about car seat safety when our kids were born in the late '80s. And I'm almost more paranoid with my grandkids, because not only am I fiercely protective because I love them so much, but it feels like a huge responsibility as they're not my children. Having to tell their parents that they've come to harm in my care is something I can't bear to think about.

Edited

Thanks. You're right.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 13/07/2024 21:21

My mother brags how I was MOT in the back of her car in my carry cot I'm not sure if she genuinely forgot I was there or just didn't want to wake me

Anyway we were involved in a big car accident when we were under 10 the next car we bought actually had seatbelts in the back and "safety features" when she had a grandchild she bought the best car seat she could afford for her car if extended rear facing existed with DD bet your ass she would have jumped on that bandwagon

Not all old people are careless with safety

Anyone can be a dick my response to anyone compromising my child's safety would be told you don't get my child then (I've told their own father no seat no son before now)

My son is 11 because of his height and weight he is still in a seat

TheFairyCaravan · 13/07/2024 21:21

You’re very ageist.

I’d never put my DGS in danger in his car seat just like I didn’t with my own children. If DS2 & DDIL told me he had to go in his car seat until he’s 25 then he would. That baby is as precious to me as my own children. Don’t tar us all with the same brush.

Screamingabdabz · 13/07/2024 21:22

YANBU to be concerned over the attitudes of your parents but YABU to be so ageist. You’ll be old one day, and you’ll be even more furious than you are about the car seats, if somebody presumes to judge you and write you off because of your age.

Diversion · 13/07/2024 21:23

I am in my late 50's. As a child my parents had us in harnesses in the car, a bit like the ones worn in racing cars. These were bought and not homemade. My children were all in car seats as required by Law and I respect my children's instructions as to what car seats my grandchildren need to be in and would neither complain or comment negatively on this.

porridgecake · 13/07/2024 21:26

My dc were born in the 80s and we were extremely careful about car seats. I am nearly 70 and I do resent being lumped in with ignorant people. I have seen young parents speeding on the motorway with children loose in the car. It isn't fair to generalise. As for your parents, op, be grateful you haven't inherited their lack of common sense.

Original poster
comoatoupeira · 13/07/2024 21:26

I think I'm being ageist because I feel so isolated. With four sixty five year olds with very strong characters up against me every single time we see them. About this! I can't believe it's about this.
It feels like a gulf, like a culture war, you know.

OP posts:
Bonbon21 · 13/07/2024 21:26

My grandchild is in the back of my car in the car seat that his parent chose, that his parent fitted and adjusted and that I ask their parent to check on a regular basis.
As PP stated ... you have a parent/ inlaw problem.

Just to be clear.

AmusedMaker · 13/07/2024 21:26

I’m 61 and look after my grandchildren occasionally - I’m absolutely meticulous about car seat safety, as I was with my own children who were born in the 1980’s.

Citrusandginger · 13/07/2024 21:27

I find your comments about older people hurtful. I'm only in my fifties and the technology around car seats has changed multiple times since my eldest DC were born.

I survived a car accident as a baby that killed two others and I don't need your foul ageism.

Createausername1970 · 13/07/2024 21:28

I am probably the age you are referring to? 60s? I wouldn't have dreamed of taking my DS in a car without a car seat.

My parents in the other hand ....... But to be fair I don't think car seats were really a thing back then. I am not even sure our car even had seat belts in the back. Certainly never used them. I spent most journeys lying on my back with my feet on the window

I think the problem is your parents. What did they do when you were a child?

5128gap · 13/07/2024 21:28

I know it's been said OP, but I'll say it again, because your thread title is awful. To state that 'the older generation' risk children's lives through lack of car seat safety is terrible. Honestly, would you say that about any other demographic of society on the basis of knowing a couple of people who did it?

Bonbon21 · 13/07/2024 21:29

Then use your words... these are your kids.
As a grandmother I am saying.. if they are not respecting your rules, they dont get to see/travel with your kids....

Problem solved.

This is not a battle they should win.

AmusedMaker · 13/07/2024 21:29

Op: I’m so sorry you’re in this situation with your parents & in-laws, it must be so draining.

Lifestooshort71 · 13/07/2024 21:30

I brought my firstborn home from hospital on my lap on the front seat in '78. We drove around with him in an unsecured carrycot on the rear seat. We drove my very poorly gran home from Yorkshire flat out on an eiderdown in the back of our estate car. It didn't feel wrong because we never used seat belts. I can't believe how careless we were with such precious lives 😢

Julyshouldbesunny · 13/07/2024 21:30

Send a generic message to all of them saying your dc won't be available for day trips this summer until you can be assured they take their safety seriously.. My ils were never allowed our dc in their car.
Mil wore her glasses to assist fil with the driving.
I once got into the car with mil to drive the mile into our town. She never got past second gear..
I got the bus home.

Ratfinkstinkypink · 13/07/2024 21:31

I am 61, no grandkids but I am a foster carer to an almost 4 year old, out of all of his peer group he is the only one who is in a plus tested car seat and is still rear facing when he does use a car seat (he is usually forward facing in his wheelchair and that makes me very uncomfortable as he is a long way of the minimum weight that the seat belt is tested on). All of his peers have parents much younger than I am and I am seen as being anal about car seat safety. All of my little ones who live with me have always been in a rear facing seat, no coats, straps suitably tightened. Guess us older generation can't win! 😀

porridgecake · 13/07/2024 21:34

PunchyLunchy · 13/07/2024 21:13

You’re about to be called ageist, get ready…

Well if the cap fits. Why is ageism ok on MN when other forms of discrimination and generalisation are not?