To think that 2 vastly different people from different walks of life can't sustain a long term relationship?

[Mahanii]

Would love some opinions on this.

Imagine 2 people - one highly educated, professional job, reads a lot, no social media, no TV, bit of a hippy. The other left school with no qualifications, manual job, watches a lot of TV, spends a lot of time online, very rough and ready. Both have children. The one thing they have in common is their love for the outdoors. They can also make each other laugh.

Can these 2 make it work? Once the honeymoon period is over and the novelty has worn off, is there enough to sustain a relationship?

If you’re that superficial that you place the success of your relationship on how much tv you watch, and not shared values and morals, then I dare say it won’t last.

Maybe their differences turn each other on. There's obviously a deep connection there or they wouldn't have got married.

Isn't how you choose to spend your time on this earth a value?
There is definitely connection and attraction but my question is, do these kinds of relationships go the distance?

It depends on the couple. Some people wouldn’t be able to make it work but some would.

I think it depends on shared values and plans for the future. My fiancé and I are quite different, he has a corporate job, sociable, outdoorsy. I’m a homebody, work in a low paid care job and like being introverted but it works because we give each other space to do our own thing. But we both value the same things, share opinions on politics, parenting and have a laugh together. It can work as long as you don’t put too much emphasis on the differences.

You could be describing me and my DP there. It works for us, the things we don't have in common we do with other people, and the things we do have in common we share. That said, this is not a relationship of mutual plans for a future, building a life together, creating a family, because that's not where we are in our lives, so the only thing we need to worry about is enjoying each others company when we're together.

Depends of the TV watcher is giving up quality time together to watch crap TV or they can both do the things they enjoy at the same time.

Of course they can! I think a relationship like that can work very well!

And I think it’s more about values op than habits.

What about the man’s attitude to women? And vice versa?

Do you roughly have the same outlook about money and how it should be saved or spent?

Do you want dc? If so, how do you want to raise them?

What about the balance of power in a relationship?

What about morality? Religion? That sort of thing?

So far (and it's early days) both are on their best behaviour - TV watcher is giving up TV watching time to be with the one who likes deep chats and stargazing 😄 and it all feels very "we're so lucky for our extremely different paths to have somehow crossed".

Oh yes, forgot politics!

You could be describing my marriage, though both of us like to watch TV.

I have to say it works really well, but we're both pretty fiercely independent and are happy to just do our own thing, for the most part.

I suppose how you use your time might be a reflection of your values

eg I don’t sit down to watch tv because I think people who do that are lazy and superficial

But you might choose to forgive that in someone else who has been out on a building sight doing a physical job for 10 hours a day?

So it’s not about how you use your time so much, but the person they are underneath that.

Healthy couples tend to have a strong sense of individuality. So separate hobbies and interests, as well as some shared ones.
What tends to happen is they influence eachother a bit, so maybe one might end up watching more TV, or the other might get really into listening to The Soft Machine, for example. While there will still be stuff only enjoyed by one half of the couple, and they have healthy respect for eachothers hobbies and views.

Some nice comments and thoughtful questions here, thank you.

She is a staunch feminist and he has a healthy respect for that. Neither want more children. One is terrible with money but very generous, the other is careful with money and learning to be more generous. Both apolitical and irreligious!

Being terrible with money would be more of a red flag to me than anything else you've mentioned, lol.

My partner and I are like chalk and cheese in almost every conceivable way including levels of education, how we choose to relax, political views, food preferences, attitude to money.
So long as we avoid touchy subjects and compromise on some shared activities, we are doing just fine. I sometimes have to watch football, he sometimes has to go and see a play he doesn't particularly fancy.

It can be a definite bonus to have separate interests and continue to follow them.

DH likes gaming and programmes like Pawn Stars, Storage Wars, Border Force. All of which drives me mad. But I like reading, so he can watch whatever crap he wants, as long as I can read my book.

He has his hobbies outside the house and so do I. He is sometimes dragged along to events if I can't find anyone else to go with, and I do the same for him.

The important thing is how he respects me as a person and is kind, caring and thoughtful.

Also, we have a similar outlook on life, similar morals and a similar sense of humour.

So it can work if you concentrate on the similarities and accept the differences.

I think shared values are the key. Family, morals etc. I do include approach to spending in that. It's exciting to be opened up to new things as well, stargazing sounds fab. None of us should be completely fixed in our interests, we should evolve and try new things, with or without encouragement from a partner. DP and I are pretty similar in values but we've taken an interest in each other's hobbies and we've both benefited from it. I enjoy music much more than I used to, and he's become a bit more houseproud. On the outside our upbringings were different, but there are some important similarities in there that we both connected on early on.

Actually when I think about it properly there is more in common than I originally mentioned, I was looking quite superficially. Both have a migrant parent, both had quite a neglectful upbringing, both are passionate about getting their kids off screens and outdoors.

I think as long as he doesn't hang his crystals where you'll bang your head on them or bore on about history when you're trying to watch love Island, you'll be fine.😉

No crystals or love island to be seen in either house 😂

You need shared values, and a high degree of consistency in their ordering. DH is my polar opposite in almost every superficial respect - he’s a Tory, I’m a leftie, he’s a posho, I went to a sink estate comp, he’s a neat freak and I’m chaos - but we’re absolutely solid because deep down we have the same values.

Of course it can work. My late husband was very different in terms of his background - my parents were middle class, European, socially liberal, university educated. His were working class, very conservative, did not attend further education. My family were socialist, his were American Republicans (though not of the MAGA kind).

We were happy together for 20 years. What broke us was his alcohol addiction, not his background.

I would say depends how independent they are and what their expectations are of a relationship.

Presumably before they met one another they managed to get their needs and interests met by themselves - either doing things alone or with other friends and family who had their shared interests. If both parties are happy for that to continue - let each other do their own thing and then come back together without jealousy that person 2 is down the pub watching the football with a mixed group, or person 1 has gone to watch a performance of king lear with an opposite sex friend, or when they go on holiday person 1 is happy to wander round a museum on their own while person 2 sits by the pool, then they both meet up for a meal - then no reason why it wouldn't work.

the partner is just an added bonus to an already full and happy life.

If they are the type that think that once you are in a couple you must do everything together and its inappropriate to socialise separately, then, yes they might struggle if the things they like to do are incompatible.

Has to be give and take imo. Is the non TV watcher also prepared to compromise?