To think that 2 vastly different people from different walks of life can't sustain a long term relationship?

[Mahanii]

Would love some opinions on this.

Imagine 2 people - one highly educated, professional job, reads a lot, no social media, no TV, bit of a hippy. The other left school with no qualifications, manual job, watches a lot of TV, spends a lot of time online, very rough and ready. Both have children. The one thing they have in common is their love for the outdoors. They can also make each other laugh.

Can these 2 make it work? Once the honeymoon period is over and the novelty has worn off, is there enough to sustain a relationship?

Good point @easylikeasundaymorn

Yes non TV watcher has watched both stand up comedy and the euros matches!!

Not quite as extreme as your example but DH is from a wealthy family and had every privilege on offer in childhood. Family had a housekeeper, horse riding lessons, top public school etc. I’m from a dysfunctional family and there is most definitely a rough and ready element including my nephews have been in prison, I’m also mixed race.

Married 25 years and together 27.

We do have many hobbies that cross over and I did get qualifications though. We also have the same attitude to money and child rearing.

I think those differences can work.

Differences such as in intelligence (not education) can be problematic, and also if one partner is proactive and the other very passive.

This all sounds pretty lovely 🥰

it sounds like they are very fond of each other and being able to laugh together is so important.

There are advantages to spending evenings at home together separately. The TV watcher gets to watch what they want and the reader can while away the hours uninterrupted. all the while, you have the comfort of knowing your loved one is in the next room.

Absolutely think it can work then as long as your core values are the same!

Both similar levels of intelligence and proactiveness I'd say. Both very fond of the other. Both probably holding back for this reason because they know they're so different.

I think it depends if you see the differences- there was a lady a few weeks ago on here saying that her dh never read books. I’m an author and it would never bother me enough to mention that dh doesn’t read books, it literally has no impact on my life. If I liked talking about books at home as I read in front of the fire then it might be a dealbreaker. Same with how educated you are- if you like conversing about what you studied- fine- myself and dh are worlds apart- he did computers, I did science, we have no overlap, but our day to day conversations are how the day went, so ‘x was in a bad mood today, or I met with a guy who did x’ not what we studied or actually did!!

@ViciousCurrentBun that's a nice story. Interestingly the rough and ready one has been in prison, 20 years ago, but the other one has also been arrested before 😆

Sounds a lot like me my DP tbh!

He’s more cerebral and outdoorsy, I’m fat happy at home pottering and baking. Although he’s a lot more reliant on social media and tech generally than me. I can go for hours without my phone whereas he’d be lost without it. I’m like analogue to his digital!

He’s got strong political views, I’m a floating voter but probably more the other end of the spectrum most of the time.

He’s quite careful with money even though he has more of it, whereas on the surface I spend more generously/frivolously but earn less (although actually I don’t spend a lot, what I do spend isn’t always 100% necessary!)

I eat whatever I like all the time, he has very rigid mealtimes and eats semi-vegetarian. Although he does like crisps and chocolate. If he was super healthy I’d find that hard!

I’ve had a sheltered life and he’s lived a rich tapestry of a life, with both good and bad experiences in many areas.

He tends toward the depressive whereas I’m a bit more optimistic generally.

We have a great laugh. Amazing sex. We balance each other out in the ways outlined above and try to compromise on eg food/activities etc He makes me want to be more active and I help him to relax a bit. We’re a bit like Jack Spratt and wife from the old nursery rhyme.

How it would work living together I don’t know. I expect a lot more compromises! But communication is key.

I think the most important ingredients for a relationship is shared values, sexual chemistry, being able to laugh together, both wanting the other to be happy and to be willing to adjust and compromise for that.

If two people have very different upbringings, the above will overcome. But if either has values very much tied in with their upbringing, it won’t work. For example, one person is highly educated and had it drummed into them that education is everything, knowing that their parents, parents friends and their own friends feel the same and they too prize eduction above everything, it won’t work to be with someone who didn’t study further/higher. They would be intolerant and snappy and judgemental around their partner if they felt ashamed or frustrated at their lack of education, especially in front of their own family and friends.

If on the other hand, that highly educated person departs from that value and thinks that academia has its limits, that there is a lot of interesting and valuable knowledge to be had outside it, and actually feels a bit resentful that they were steered towards being snobby and judgemental about more practical knowledge, and their less well-educated partner is worldly-wise and can fascinate and impress them with their business sense, mechanical knowledge of what have you, there is every likelihood they could have a wonderful life together. It just takes a certain rejection of the values both were raised with.

Doesn't sound like wildly different lifestyles to me tbh. I'd say religion or mental health issues are far more likely to be a potential problem factor.

As a couple, the way you work together as a team is more important than what interests you have in common. If you have opposite views on how to parent, for example, that's going to break you up much faster than one liking TV and one not. This is why a lot of people who get together because they like the same band and are horny don't actually tend to last.

@ToadOfTheThreads I love the point you made and I think it rings true - both people seem to reject the values they were brought up with and are keen to learn more about the other's way of life and take on certain aspects of it.