Is DD in the wrong here?

[MotherOfOlafs]

DD14 has a friend let’s call him Alf. They hang around in a small group after school most days, they sit/lie around in a nearby park chatting. A few times Alf has twisted DD’s leg up behind her (imagine she’s lying face down on the grass, head propped up on hands). She says he grabs her foot and lifts and twists it, she says it hurts and she and her friends have repeatedly told him not to, she also spoke to a teacher who had a word with him.

Yesterday DD comes home upset (she’s not easily rattled) saying that Alf twisted her leg again so she reached behind and dug her nails in his arm and scratched him quite hard. She said she was in tears as her foot really hurt. She said he stormed off swearing at her and she called after him something like ‘play stupid games win stupid prizes’.

I hate the thought of DD raising hands to another kid and she’s never done it before so I was surprised. But I also don’t think she was really in the wrong? I think she went about it the wrong way but I also think she retaliated in anger and pain. DH says he’s on the fence.

YABU - DD shouldn’t have reacted the way she did and she should apologise to Alf

YANBU - Alf deserved it after repeated warnings and he should apologise to DD

Forgot to add, DD wears trousers not a skirt so there wouldn’t be any other intention to him lifting her leg up.

Maybe he will think twice about doing something he's been asked not to do several times

She did the right thing.

She's not in the wrong at all - he's repeatedly physically hurt her despite her telling him not to and others also telling him not to? Digging her nails in is a bloody mild reaction compared to what I'd have done!

Maybe he'll listen next time a girl says no.

YANBU Alf needs to learn to take what women say more seriously, in particular that no means no.

Good. I'm glad she hurt him. He has been bullying her. And he could have injured her.

He deserved it. Good on your dd

About time someone gave him
some of his own medicine.

Alf is a muppet and he deserved it.

Nope not in the wrong at all. Your dd behaved instinctively to protect herself.

She should stop hanging round with Alf full stop. He doesn’t sound like a positive friend to have.

That’s what I’m thinking, twisting her foot could’ve really damaged it.

I honestly don’t think he’s a bad kid, just a bit of an idiot and the messing about went far too far

Self defense surely. Honestly at this stage I would have kicked him.

I would strongly discourage my daughter from hanging around a boy who doesnt understand ( or lets be honest completely disregards) the word no.
And she was right - play stupid games win stupid prizes.

Good for her. Tell her if he ever tries to get physical with her again to dish out a swift kick to the balls.

I think I'd want to have a talk with her about why she is spending time with someone who is deliberately hurting her. That would really worry me.

What is wrong with you that you hear your daughter has been assaulted and you're unhappy she defended herself?

So why isn't he doing it to the boys?

So he's a 14 year old boy who repeatedly puts his hands on people (females) against their wishes, whilst knowing he's hurting them physically when doing so? He doesn't take "no" for an answer, even when told repeatedly not to do this to them, so has no respect for boundaries. Then, when a girl retaliates to physically stop him, he plays the victim, and gets verbally abusive?

This boy is a walking red flag, i'd be telling my daughter to cut all contact with him.
It's doing something to annoy/cause pain now, but what's to stop him applying the same behaviour in a sexual way in future?

She wasn't in the wrong. Hopefully he'll think twice about putting his hands on her in the future! I wouldn't be happy with my daughter hanging around with someone who doesn't understand that no means no. Maybe she should re-evaluate the friendship.

Probably because when he tried it he got a smack in the mouth.
😉.

You need to teach her better boundaries, she shouldn't be friends with someone who keeps hurting her. I'm glad she scratched Alf, he deserved worse.

No, I don't think she was in the wrong.

A) she has previously asked him not to do it,

B) it was self defence

Sorry OP but I'm struggling to understand why you're all such wet wipes.
The moment this boy touched anybody without permission - let alone hurt them he should have been cut out of the friend group.

What's with all this 'telling the teacher' nonsense? Why are they still hanging out with him? No way would I let any of my DC carry on like this. Unless you're going to drip feed some massive backstory.

Nope. She is fine.

Teenage justice. It was very common back in the 70s, glad to hear it still survives.