Is DD in the wrong here?

[MotherOfOlafs]

DD14 has a friend let’s call him Alf. They hang around in a small group after school most days, they sit/lie around in a nearby park chatting. A few times Alf has twisted DD’s leg up behind her (imagine she’s lying face down on the grass, head propped up on hands). She says he grabs her foot and lifts and twists it, she says it hurts and she and her friends have repeatedly told him not to, she also spoke to a teacher who had a word with him.

Yesterday DD comes home upset (she’s not easily rattled) saying that Alf twisted her leg again so she reached behind and dug her nails in his arm and scratched him quite hard. She said she was in tears as her foot really hurt. She said he stormed off swearing at her and she called after him something like ‘play stupid games win stupid prizes’.

I hate the thought of DD raising hands to another kid and she’s never done it before so I was surprised. But I also don’t think she was really in the wrong? I think she went about it the wrong way but I also think she retaliated in anger and pain. DH says he’s on the fence.

YABU - DD shouldn’t have reacted the way she did and she should apologise to Alf

YANBU - Alf deserved it after repeated warnings and he should apologise to DD

Why is he only doing it to her? Is he a muppet that everyone else has been rude to but she’s been ‘kind’?

I'd be proud of her

I’m concerned that he can ‘prove’ she hurt him with the scratch marks and she doesn’t have any injuries you can see. I just would never want anything to come back on her if you see what I mean.
Plus I’m obviously not unhappy about it otherwise I’d have put the YABU/YANBU question the opposite way round

Good for her, but I’d have had words with the school, his parents, and him, before now.

Well done to your daughter, she defended herself and had every right to do so.

Tell her you are proud of her and if Alf hasn't learned his lesson to do it harder next time.

In the adult world - fuck around and find out. Good on her for defending herself.

For gods sake don’t make her apologise for defending herself against a boy who was touching her after repeatedly being told no. She should be praised for sticking up for herself.

She needs to tell him that until he can learn to behave himself, he's no longer welcome in their group.
If you're concerned about him complaining then be pro-active and inform school and his parents. This has to stop. He needs to learn about boundaries otherwise his behaviour may escalate.
Your DD did nothing wrong, she reacted out of fear and pain. She has to have your backing to give her the confidence to stand up to herself.

I get why that worries you but if they hang out in a group won't the others back her up?

Good I’m glad! She was defending herself!

teach her how and where to punch. People always seem to react so badly to anything that causes even a wee amount of blood.

She wouldn't be in any trouble with me. Someone deliberately doing something they know hurts (and risks causing an injury) and has been told to stop should expect an instinctive physical reaction - your daughter's scratch, a kick with her other leg etc.
He sounds annoying - is he actually a friend? Does she want to hang out with him?

Let's hope Alf no longer finds deliberately hurting your daughter quite so funny anymore.

Tell your DD she always has the right to defend herself.

With friends like Alf who need enemies.

He's got a mark which someone left while defending themselves. He's got previous. I really don't see why this is an issue of concern. The real issue is that he's not a nice person, friends don't hurt each other.