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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is husband being unreasonable with mail?

63 replies

Cookingwithflo · 12/07/2024 15:54

I had bought my partner tickets to two shows in London, I've had to put them both down with his name as I'm going through a name change at the minute. We had just received the physical tickets today and I had asked if I could open them as I did buy them and wanted to check if all was okay, he's gone in a huff really and had said it's not fair and it is his mail to open as it is addressed to him. I know this is silly but I have spent over £300 on 2 concerts and 2 live events and it seems he is really just being ungrateful with them all at the moment. Of course I'm not expecting a thank you but I definitely did not expect this reaction to me asking if I can open the letter with the tickets.

Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
littleredcaravan · 12/07/2024 22:32

Me and my husband open absolutely every letter that comes through the door regardless of the name, depending on who is home when it comes through the letterbox.

We never open parcels just because if you've ordered something for yourself it's nice to do the unboxing etc yourself. Unless it's Amazon because we get something from Amazon every other day at least and share prime Grin

Unless he has extremely sensitive and confidential work related mail, he is being a cunt on a power trip and/or hiding something.

FatOaf · 12/07/2024 22:34

Are you going to the shows to celebrate your 12th birthdays?

Justcallmebebes · 12/07/2024 22:39

SareBear87 · 12/07/2024 22:18

Me three, and DH wouldn't have batted an eyelid!

Same here. I wouldn't have even asked and my DP probably wouldn't have even noticed and wouldn't care if he had

Bluebirdover · 12/07/2024 22:43

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 12/07/2024 22:22

Don't address them to him?

It is his mail and he can tell you not to open it

The reason why it's been addressed to him is in the OP.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 12/07/2024 22:45

But a name change doesn't mean it can't be addressed to OP

And if she wants to insist on opening them then she needs to address then to her

saraclara · 12/07/2024 22:45

I'm very private and normally wouldn't open anyone's mail or want mine opening. But in this case, if it was abundantly clear from the envelope that it contained the tickets I'd booked and paid for, I'd have opened it without a second thought!

What a strange man.

Elcad · 12/07/2024 22:52

StrawberryWater · 12/07/2024 16:10

Even though you paid and organised it all he wants control over the tickets and I bet he has no plans to even take you along with him. He'll open that envelope when you're not around (making convenient excuses not to do it in front of you) and then he'll refuse to show you the tickets and then he'll take someone else.

That definitely a possibility...

Original poster
Cookingwithflo · 12/07/2024 23:30

@Sunnydiary
I'm not saying he's thick it's just that I had bought these tickets for us and he was at work, I was excited to finally get them so I asked because it was in his name. I had addressed them to him because I couldn't use a name that would no longer be legal on ID.

I don't see how I am coming across as his mum in this situation

OP posts:
Original poster
Cookingwithflo · 12/07/2024 23:31

@FatOaf
Excuse me? I don't quite understand

OP posts:
DoreenonTill8 · 12/07/2024 23:33

Did you name change to Princess Consuela?

comedycentral · 12/07/2024 23:35

Hmm has he got secret bank accounts, credit cards statements or sti clinic tests he doesn't want you to see? Very odd otherwise in a marriage, it's not like you were snooping

GoneFishingToday · 12/07/2024 23:39

Why didn't you just order the tickets in your new name OP? If I'd paid out this sort of money for a gift for my partner, and the contents were clearly marked in some way, I'd have opened the envelope without giving it a second thought. As for not expecting to be thanked !!!!!! I'm lost for words! Anyone who I buy a gift for, who doesn't instantly say thank you, finds that's the last gift they ever get from me. Up your standards OP! You are worth far more than this sort of treatment. Quite frankly, I find his behaviour disgusting!!

TeaGinandFags · 12/07/2024 23:56

Just open the fucking envelope.

Then hide them and find a way to leave him. He sounds like one that needs throwing back.

Bluebirdover · 13/07/2024 00:12

comedycentral · 12/07/2024 23:35

Hmm has he got secret bank accounts, credit cards statements or sti clinic tests he doesn't want you to see? Very odd otherwise in a marriage, it's not like you were snooping

STI tests?

Ponderingwindow · 13/07/2024 00:18

I seriously hope you aren’t changing your name to match his.

it wouldn’t have even occurred to me to ask to open ‘his’ mail. Unless it looks especially personal, DH and I just sit down with the mail and open everything as efficiently as possible. It’s such a chore that neither one of us is going to worry about whose name is on an envelope.

poppiepudding · 13/07/2024 00:53

what a weirdo

LiterallyOnFire · 13/07/2024 00:54

LividLoved · 12/07/2024 15:58

What is he trying to hide?

Not a normal reaction from him.

Fair question TBH.

Lilacapples · 13/07/2024 00:57

StrawberryWater · 12/07/2024 16:10

Even though you paid and organised it all he wants control over the tickets and I bet he has no plans to even take you along with him. He'll open that envelope when you're not around (making convenient excuses not to do it in front of you) and then he'll refuse to show you the tickets and then he'll take someone else.

Bit of a stretch 😂😂

Lilacapples · 13/07/2024 01:02

comedycentral · 12/07/2024 23:35

Hmm has he got secret bank accounts, credit cards statements or sti clinic tests he doesn't want you to see? Very odd otherwise in a marriage, it's not like you were snooping

Eh? It’s tickets in there. They know what’s in the envelope. Honestly the whole thing is just weird . Just let him open the envelope and then check the tickets and then consider if you really want to stay with someone who acts like a 12 year old 🙄

Divebar2021 · 13/07/2024 01:06

Why would you not just wait till he got back. I would never open a letter addressed to DH and would consider it fucking intrusive if anyone opened any mail of mine deliberately. That being said if there was some pressing reason why he needed to open it I would let him go ahead… I just don’t get why you needed to in this instance.

CarpetSlipper · 13/07/2024 01:24

DP sometimes orders things for himself to my address if he’s working away. It has my name on it but it’s definitely his post.
The tickets were paid for by you, for both of you and have his name on for a specific reason. It’s not his post and I’d have just opened it.

His over reaction suggests he has something to hide or is just very controlling.

This is not the same as opening a bank statement or birthday card.

sixthvestibule · 13/07/2024 02:00

He’s got a guilty conscience.

Codlingmoths · 13/07/2024 02:07

I would just say flatly ‘you don’t seem very interested, in fact you’re actually pretty snippy. They were expensive and I’d hate to resent having wasted the effort so I’ll take someone else.

sashh · 13/07/2024 05:04

He's an arse.

In future if you book in his name put the address as 'care of' and your name.

GalileoHumpkins · 13/07/2024 05:40

He's an international hitman and his handler only ever contacts him by mail, once he opens his secret correspondence it self destructs in 30 seconds. He, quite rightly so, doesn't want you to know about this as he's spun you a line about working in the garden centre at B&Q and going to stay with his nan at weekends.

Or, he's a bit of an arse, could be either really.

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