My period turns me into a nasty person

[Candygrapes]

DH had some bad news yesterday and instead of being the person that I usually am I completed switched and said some very nasty things.

I have apologised now but it’s every single month I’m absolutely sick of it. I feel like I’m always dreading my period as I know I’m going to change and I try to control it but it always seems to seep through.

I appreciate it’s only for a few days but then it’s the build up to my period where I’m anxious and then i turn nasty I dread it every single month.

Anyone else have an experience like this?

Mirena coil or, if that doesn't work, hysterectomy. I totally sympathise and while it's not as easy to just say "don't take it out on other people", you do have a responsibility to do something about it.

I completely recognize the cycle of being batshit crazy, angry, depressed for a week then spending the next 3 weeks making up for it and fixing the damage. It's completely life ruining. It's not just that I was a nasty depressed person for a week, but for the next 3 weeks I went totally the other way being overly apologetic, submissive and doubting my own intelligence and thoughts.

For me, the mirena coil was a huge help, really stabilised my moods. I regret only going on it at the age of 33. The pill was not helpful, I tried quite a few between the age of 18 and 33.

@Martha877 the @Candygrapes isnt excusing it: but this is a reason. It’s awful OP I am exactly the sam

I think you need to try and control your emotions, and not let this be an excuse to abuse your partner.

You wouldn’t start shouting at work every month would you? So why do it at home.

Because medication is for severe cases only, when it interferes with your day to day life consistently or when you become danger to yourself and society

So according to your own bizarre definition, OP should be looking at medication as her condition consistently impacts on her life every month, no?

Bollocks. The contraceptive pill and the coil are both medications that can be used to manage hormonal issues. Women don't get prescribed HRT for PMT, but that doesn't mean there is nothing safe we can use or that we should just put up with it.

Yes. It's called PMDD and its ruined several jobs and relationships before I realised! I also have an underactive thyroid and it's much worse when that is under treated.
I have to take hormonal contraception to keep it under control. The one recommended for PMDD in the USA is called Yaz, the equivalent here is Eloine. Drosperinone only pill Slynd is a good option for those who can't take/tolerate combined contraception (I've recently switched as Eloine tanked my libido).

I have pmdd.i nearly lost my job as i couldn't leave my bed due to the physical and mental effects of it, and time off.
i take the pill/injection permanently

I used to take vitamin B6 every month. Sorted me right out, made me feel normal and calm. To the point where DH would ask me if I'd taken it, which if course Gabe me the rage but did remind me that I was becoming techy, and had forgotten to take it. So I'd take it, and forgive him because felt OK again.
Thankfully, being post- menopause, I don't have to worry about that any more 😉

So. @Candygrapes , try taking Vitamin B6 for a couple of days before you're due on, and during your period.

OP I understand this fully. It’s like your filter has fcked off and you say things unfiltered and that sometimes you don’t really mean?
Agree it’s no excuse to be abusive but I can imagine you’re extremely upset with yourself over it as you know that’s not appropriate.

It’s happened to me since having my children, I find I say what I think and just say it without fear of upset or consequences . Today a dog walker had 6 dogs off lead , (my dog was attacked by an XL bully that she walked before the muzzle ban came in) I was with my toddler and lovely dog. Her 6 dogs became aggressive and snarling to me and I had to pick my toddler up to protect him- i went batshit at her. I normally would be more measured but she had the uncensored version of me!

I would like a magic solution so it stops - sometimes it’s useful as you can be direct and say it as it is! But I dread it and don’t want to be near people or come into contact with people as it’s not nice! And rational me is then upset by what I say.

Can I ask how severe it is to be diagnosed with PMDD ? cos I’m the same in the luteal phase. Really grumpy and snappy and have sometimes started stupid rows with DH over things I normally wouldn’t bother about. I notice I’m snappier at work too but it’s never felt severe enough to seek help for it.

I think a lot of people here give you unnecessarily hard time here. There's a huge difference between 'saying nasty things that I shouldn't have said' and feeling guilty about it, and being abusive. Let's not exaggerate. Brain fogs are different - they are dangerous to the individual and the society.

But also, it's great for menopausal women being on birth control - more benefits than risks. Yet, I don't know the age of OP, and before resorting to medication I would suggest reading a number of research papers on PubMed on risks of hormonal therapy - depression, blood clots to name a few. Assess what's better for you healthwise and don't be swayed by 'i've done it, it worked for me'. I know ladies on coil who have been struggling with horrible endometriosis after removing it and failing to get pregnant as a result. Risks are real.

As others have said ask your GP about PMDD.

Over the years on here, a site for and about women, I have been vilified as an abuser because I tried to talk about the ways in which PMDD can affect you and how you interact with those around you. My DH thought I had a brain tumour my behaviour change was so sudden and extreme. I was lucky, had a GP who listened. Even now, 40 years on that isn't always the case. But do go and insist on discussing possible solutions

And ignore the idiots who make comments designed to blame you for needing to get help to control a medical condition

From GP notebook
(PMDD) is defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) as occurring when a woman suffers from at least five distinct psychological premenstrual symptoms. Severe PMS is referred to as premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD).

• the diagnostic criteria emphasise the severity and associated major disruption to life and relationships caused by the disorder
• PMDD is believed to affect around 3-8% of women of reproductive age
• to fulfil the diagnosis of PMDD, a woman should have had at least five of the following, present to a marked degree, in the week before menstruation for most months of the previous year:
• depressed mood
• emotional lability
• irritability and anger
• poor concentration
• tension and anxiety
• loss of interest in usual activities
• altered eating habits or food cravings
• disturbed sleep patterns;
• lethargy and fatigue
• feeling overwhelmed or out of control
• physical symptoms such as headache, breast tenderness, weight gain and feeling bloated
• the features must include at least one mood or anxiety symptom and should severely interfere with social and occupational functioning

https://gpnotebook.com/pages/gynaecology/premenstrual-syndrome/diagnosis-of-premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder

Well I've had a couple of warnings for the way I have spoken to people. It's not the words, no abusive words, it's just the tone and I am direct and to the point, so no corporate sugar coating, because my tolerance for corporate waahspeak declines and there may also be an element of cultural differences.
I also feel like I hit a physical brick wall and that I am literally having to drag each limb out of bed and that my brain, just will not wake the fuck up.
I am most sad about the way I am less tolerant with my children. This is not who I want to be and the pp above who smugly says 'we are all in control of what we say and do' (or words to that effect) has no idea of the compulsion and that before I know it, it is out of my mouth 😞

This simply is not true.

Changing contraception can be enough for some women. My brain fog and unreasoning aggression disappeared within 24 hours of having my first Depo Injection.

This can be the case for many women. There is no 'bad enough' marker for help. You just have to talk to your GP

@RagzRebooted thanks for this. I would say I do suffer from at least 4 of these. It’s just hard to know if it is actually normal or not even after reading this. The 3-8 percent is probably not accurate as I’m sure a lot of women are suffering and never seek any help for it.

Yes, some years ago. I got really ratty and badtempered and realised it was affecting my work with children, getting impatient. My GP put me on HRT and it changed my life completely. Was on it for some years then instinctively felt I didn't need it any more - stopped taking it - and - nothing. I'd gone through the menopause without even knowing it. Not a single hot flush, nothing. All over and done with.

I have been there. It got really bad after my children. For almost half the month I was so depressed, miserable, rage-filled, snappy… I could go on. I have found the mini pill and sertraline extremely helpful. I wouldn’t be without them now. They’ve been life changing recently. It’s an absolutely awful place to be.

Yes, talk to GP and know the risks. 1 in 4 women who discontinued contraception cannot get pregnant within their fertility window (study by Tadele Girum et al.) and 1 in 4 is a huge number. If mood swings are more important to you than having a baby one day, or due to age you don't want to have one anymore, then fair enough. disregard the risks.

I spent 6 years of studying Clinical Biochem in university, and no hormonal approach will ever fit all people. Risks are big, and serious. They don't just affect your uterus, but also pituitary gland in the brain.

it's good that it worked for you though, and I'm glad you are happy. But let's not medicate other people for mere mood swings.

I’m the same and I’m aware of it and try and stop myself but the words just come out

Problem is the process is just so slow to find out what medication works for you, or even to get it recognised.@SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth how long did it take from the recognition of the problem to finding the meds that worked for you?

I’m not in menopause but have fears for what I’ll be like when I am if this is what I’m like now as I seem particularly sensitive to hormones. Op I know exactly what you mean by “nasty person”. I’d say this is more common than we think .

It took DH telling me he thought I was dying of a brain tumour, about 6 months after my raging started. My GP was immediately responsive, for which I am so grateful, she took me off contraception for about a year, used a cap, and I kept a diary. Depo was the first alternative we tried and when it worked I just stayed on it until it was suggested that the implant would be better. Which terrified me but did actually work... I was peri menopausal by then, for over a bloody decade!!

I know I was lucky. My mood swings were violent and the solution relatively easy to find. That year on the cap was valuable in and of itself for both me and DH. There was never any doubt that my rages were hormonal - and he was relieved it wasn't a brain tumour or worse?

I wrote here about how much the menopause scared me. How much I feared the change in hormones, coming off depo etc.

Again I was vilified by some. I have no idea why it is so hard for some women to grasp the reality of PMDD. It's a bad enough experience without women joining in the general condemnation and seemingly wilful misunderstanding of it.