Porn

[Ionasmum19]

I have known for a while that my partner of 10 years watches porn, he knows I don't like it but yet continues to do it when I'm not around. Am I being unreasonable for being annoyed by this?

You're entitled to whatever boundaries you choose OP. YANBU for being annoyed.

I wouldn't like it.

What is it you don't like about it? Has he always watched it? E.g. if he has then it's a bit unfair to move the goal posts...

I watch it sometimes as my sex life is almost non existant. I don't see much of an issue with it and some of it is laughable and a turn off!

When you're not around? Then it's up to him....

I presume he watches it as a masturbatory aid. Is it the masturbation or the porn or both that is the problem?

I have always watched porn, and when I met my partner he did too, however I watched it way more. Now, neither of us masturbate because we have a super active sex life, but sometimes I’ll watch porn while he’s getting me off, because I’m into it and it can be hot.

I think I would be offended if my partner was watching porn alone when we have sex so much, because I’d be questioning why, and I think he’d feel the same.

What’s your sex life like? Does he maybe have a higher sex drive than you and does it simply to get off?

If it’s affecting you I’d talk to him, but if it’s something he’s always done I don’t really think you have a leg to stand on.

It’s likely not a you thing, when I’m watching porn I’m not thinking about how hot the guy/girl is, it’s simply the sex act. So I doubt it’s about the attractiveness of the women he’s watching either.

What's the issue- looking at other women? Sexualisation of women? Wanking? Increased expectations?

I wouldn't be bothered but if you are you could talk to him about it.

Well he knows you don't like him using porn but he does it anyway.
So he doesn't have any respect for your feelings.
You can't make him stop using it so it is really up to you whether you want to end the relationship over it.

For what it's worth I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with any one who viewed porn.

Do any men not watch porn?

Well it didn't take long for the "all men watch porn" posters to latch on to this thread did it?

Of course not all men watch porn.

That's right. Some men are liars.

Does he pay all the bills and give you an amazing life? If not I would probably not commit and take space to seee your other options

Not all men watch porn but in my experience most do.

I would not believe a man who told me he didn't watch it. I don't mind it as long as it's done discreetly and he doesn't expect me to behave like a porn star.

What is your point?
A lot of men are liars. A lot of women are liars.
That does not mean all men watch porn.

You’re allowed to be ‘annoyed’ by it, if that’s how you feel.

Equally, though, he is allowed to consider it absolutely none of your business.

I think you really just have to decide whether it’s a dealbreaker or not. I don’t care in the slightest if my partner watches porn in private, and I would also tell him to sod off if he tried to tell me I couldn’t watch it myself. But for some people it’s something they feel they just can’t tolerate and would end a relationship over and of course, they’re completely entitled to draw that personal line in the sand.

If you're not around and he's doing it in private, how do you know?

Does he tell you, or do you dig through his history?

I’m sure not all men watch porn, but I think the point is that a lot of the men who do watch it tell their partners that they don’t. Lots of women will confidently say their partner never watches it, but the reality is that they don’t truly know for certain. Some will be right and some - I suspect quite a lot - will be wrong.

Nope! They tell their wives don't though, some believe them!

Urgh I hate porn but I wouldn't leave someone because they watch it

Well if my partner watched porn I would view them differently and I wouldn't want to have sex with them. So what would be the point in staying in the relationship?

I'm not sure why he's telling you he's doing it when you're not around if he knows you don't like it?

Does he make you feel valued, loved and respected, make you feel attractive and give you compliments etc or not? Does he pay you enough attention sexually and initiate sex as well as watching porn?

It all depends how he makes you feel. But yeah it's crap if they watch it if they aren't paying you any attention.

Porn is a very general word. You really need to ascertain what sort of porn he is wathing. There is every category imaginable and many you cant. Goodness knows what category he's onto by now. I believe it's a slippery slope deeper and deeper into depravity.

I would rather DH masturbate to unattainable porn stars than women he knows at work etc.

What Kreed said.

In my experience most watch it. Not all do.

Many, if not most, that do probably lie about it. Ive been anti porn all my life and had several relationships. One I know really really didn't watch it. Most of the others said they didn't, either because they didn't when in a relationship, or they'd thought about it more deeply (yes I did make my objections and boundaries clear)... of those, one was totally lying all the time, most of the others I also suspect lied in retrospect. I probably made it hard to be open. But it's a hard boundary and I don't apologise for that. My DP now is similar. Says he doesn't now in a serious relationship and also as he is aware of a bit of a backlash generally and has sympathy for the fact it is likely damaging in numerous ways (I know many don't agree, but that's how I feel).

Do I believe him 100%. No. 99% as I trust him generally and have no evidence he uses porn now...but I think as women we'd be pretty daft to totally believe any man as I think it's something the majority just lie about for most of their life.

That's unless they meet a sex positive 😂 (whatever) dream girl who also loves porn.

All rather depressing.