Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my neighbour is unreasonable?

36 replies

AMiaPettyBitch · 11/07/2024 14:57

Am I overthinking this?

Situation:

Shared fence in badly need of repair, think green algae, cracked rotten warped wood (18 years old). Next door neighbour gave the whole "well as long as you're paying for it." when approached about it. They haven't once mentioned putting any contributions to it, wouldn't replace it, it is patched up beyond repair at this point. They tried to tell us it was our fence when it blew down in a storm awhile back (even though before this they had happily painted it, and attached thing to it without asking). They didn't want to help dh put it back up. We checked the deeds, and it is shared. Suddenly the whole family have sore elbows when they're healthy the rest of the time, lay patio stones (they asked for our old ones etc, we gave them to them). Dh had to lift the whole thing back up on his own, it is metres long, reattach; they curtain twitched, watching. Dh knocked and told them he couldn't do the posts at they're on their side, and they would need to help. They begrudgingly cemented 2 posts back in.

We are getting it 3 foot higher, which they are also delighted with, even complaining about the old fence being so low.

The fencing company came out today, and the neighbour came straight out as soon as they got here, trying to get them to reattach their things back on to the new fence. She said she "had forgotten it was happening today and hadn't detached it yet." They have had loads of notice, and have been reminded many times. The first date was delayed, and she came bee-lining for us, saying she was scared we had changed our mind! Yesterday we cleared our garden, removwd privacy screens, which was asked them to move their stuff, as they have things all leaning the full way along the fence, and they haven't moved a single thing.

The neighbour was hovering around, you'd think they were paying for it! Even the fencing team seemed abit taken aback by it.

Anyway, I have just noticed the fencing company have kindly reattached their rotten little fence onto one of the new fence posts. I wanted to leave it laying on the ground.

They are scroungers, have probably more money than we do. Think, not bringing a contribution to a buffet, haggling type. One of my parents died, and some of the money they left is going towards it, which is causing me to be extra emotional about the whole thing.

AIBU? They have been so petty, uncooperative, and tbh bloody awkward from the start. It has made me petty. We paid for the entire thing, and they couldn't so much an move any of their stuff an inch away. One of the structures they have is pressed flat against the new fence frame, because the fencing company had literally build it with it there.

I realise there is nothing that can be done, it is shared, and are the mugs who have paid for it. Hopefully, the privacy will be worth it, as they've been an awkward presence in the garden for a long time, using what dh calls intimidation techniques. I won't go into those.

I think I just needed to rant more than anything. Thank you if you have had the patience to read this.

OP posts:
Nannyfannybanny · 11/07/2024 15:03

Rant on! Similar situation for us. The fence was rotten, donkeys years old,big holes, always fell into our garden, causing damage to our plants, greenhouse.We put up a new one,(asked neighbours permission as unfortunately in deeds it's "theirs". )They have caused a lot of damage, don't want to say too much because it's "outing", but angry

FactoryResetNeeded · 11/07/2024 15:04

The boundary is shared, but you have paid for the fence. You do not have to accept them attaching things to, or painting, your fence.

Enjoy your new privacy, I’m sorry about the loss of your parent, I’m sure they would be happy for you to be able to sit in your garden in private though.

rwalker · 11/07/2024 15:05

They might genuinely not be arsed about having a fence and would remove it rather than replace

not wanting to twist the knife but you’ve fucked up
I would of put new fence next to old shitty one and left them to it the fence would of been completely yours on your land

they couldn’t paint it or attach anything to it

Oldraver · 11/07/2024 15:10

Agree with PP. The boundary may be shared but if you paid for the fence it is yours. They do not have the right to attach or paint

AMiaPettyBitch · 11/07/2024 15:11

Sorry about my typos, I was on a very angry emotional rant, and edit timed out!

OP posts:
AMiaPettyBitch · 11/07/2024 15:14

Oldraver · 11/07/2024 15:10

Agree with PP. The boundary may be shared but if you paid for the fence it is yours. They do not have the right to attach or paint

Thank you, I didn't know that at all. Do I leave the little fence attached, or get the fencing company to remove it? I'm not sure if my pettiness is worth the hassle.

I just feel like we are decent people, I try to be kind and considerate of others. It isn't in my nature to be petty, but this has caused something in me! Why can't we have a decent nbr like ourselves. I would have thought more of them if they had have at the very least, moved all of their things away to leave a gap for the work getting done. They haven't made anything easier, the company couldn't believe they hadn't moved it. They're getting a free fence that they do want.

OP posts:
ToxicChristmas · 11/07/2024 15:15

It's done now, you have more privacy- breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy it!

AMiaPettyBitch · 11/07/2024 15:19

FactoryResetNeeded · 11/07/2024 15:04

The boundary is shared, but you have paid for the fence. You do not have to accept them attaching things to, or painting, your fence.

Enjoy your new privacy, I’m sorry about the loss of your parent, I’m sure they would be happy for you to be able to sit in your garden in private though.

Thank you, I was very close to my df, and he always used to say "the fence could do with being a bit higher love." It felt right to do this, and we do like privacy. The lovely lady from the fencing company even seemed annoyed for me, and told us to have the good side of the fence, because they haven't moved any of the stuff right the way along, and that we are paying.

OP posts:
AMiaPettyBitch · 11/07/2024 15:21

ToxicChristmas · 11/07/2024 15:15

It's done now, you have more privacy- breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy it!

Thank you, they are coming back to hammer on the boards tomorrow. I feel like going out covertly in the darkness of the night, and pushing their stuff away from the fence frame.

OP posts:
FailBetter · 11/07/2024 15:24

If it's your "forever home"...
Tell them to detach the rotten fence.
Tell your neighbours they are not allowed to paint, attach things or creosote on their side (they sound like selfish sods who would and you end up with drips all on yours).
Unless you are thinking of selling up. In which case, silently seethe so as not to have to declare a neighbourly dispute.

LadyCrumpet · 11/07/2024 15:24

The lovely lady from the fencing company even seemed annoyed for me, and told us to have the good side of the fence,

I hope you did that op.

AMiaPettyBitch · 11/07/2024 15:35

FailBetter · 11/07/2024 15:24

If it's your "forever home"...
Tell them to detach the rotten fence.
Tell your neighbours they are not allowed to paint, attach things or creosote on their side (they sound like selfish sods who would and you end up with drips all on yours).
Unless you are thinking of selling up. In which case, silently seethe so as not to have to declare a neighbourly dispute.

I know, dh is reluctant to say much, he doesn't like confrontation, and thinks it wont do any good. The little rotten fence, the fencers reattached to one of our new posts, I think, to be helpful, it is light, and shouldn't damage the new fence. I just feel petty, and annoyed, and would have left it detached.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 11/07/2024 15:36

OP of you look at your deeds etc you can see who "owns" which fence usually. Yes it's shared but a lot of deeds have the ownership indicating

AMiaPettyBitch · 11/07/2024 15:38

LadyCrumpet · 11/07/2024 15:24

The lovely lady from the fencing company even seemed annoyed for me, and told us to have the good side of the fence,

I hope you did that op.

We did 🎊 They couldn't have had it anyway, because they hadn't moved the stuff right along the fence, deserves them right. They've even gained a new fence on their side of the alley 😡
I'm going to buy thr fencing company my df's favourite biscuits to go with their coffee tomo, seems only apt, and you can't go wrong with a chocolate digestive!

OP posts:
AMiaPettyBitch · 11/07/2024 15:39

jeaux90 · 11/07/2024 15:36

OP of you look at your deeds etc you can see who "owns" which fence usually. Yes it's shared but a lot of deeds have the ownership indicating

Ours unfortunately didn't, there were clear T's on the owned ones, this one is shared.

OP posts:
AMiaPettyBitch · 11/07/2024 16:14

Nannyfannybanny · 11/07/2024 15:03

Rant on! Similar situation for us. The fence was rotten, donkeys years old,big holes, always fell into our garden, causing damage to our plants, greenhouse.We put up a new one,(asked neighbours permission as unfortunately in deeds it's "theirs". )They have caused a lot of damage, don't want to say too much because it's "outing", but angry

Oh no, that's sounds awful nanny. It gets to the point where it is almost like a stand off, and it just needs replaced. How ignorant of your nbrs to have caused all of the damage. Keep it all documented. It always seems to be, good neighbours next to tosser ones!

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 11/07/2024 16:24

(Lighthearted reply).
I suggest you take down all the fence, set up deckchairs and sit facing towards their windows all day.

AMiaPettyBitch · 11/07/2024 16:44

MrsMoastyToasty · 11/07/2024 16:24

(Lighthearted reply).
I suggest you take down all the fence, set up deckchairs and sit facing towards their windows all day.

😂😂 I need lighthearted right now. Thank you so much!
I would love the see their faces, the worst thing is the woman would def do it back. She has nerves of steel that one, no shame

I can just hear my df's voice in my head telling me to calm down, they'll be blocked off soon! I hate that I have gotten into such a fettle about the whole thing! The fence is so high, I'll not be able to tell what they attach, 🤣 just as well!

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 11/07/2024 16:47

Your neighbours haven’t got to do anything. Their decision.🤷‍♀️

AMiaPettyBitch · 11/07/2024 17:00

Boomer55 · 11/07/2024 16:47

Your neighbours haven’t got to do anything. Their decision.🤷‍♀️

Yes, you are right. They were happy to say they were scared we had changed our mind though, they wanted the fence, this annoyed me. They should have at the very least made the job easier by doing their bit, they have a huge garden, much bigger than ours, but have been intent on having things all along the fence. I think they were trying to ensure that if it blew down 'again,' it would land again on our side. Nevermind, blocked off soon. It'll he worth it.

OP posts:
thinkfast · 11/07/2024 17:09

Make sure you take photos of it all once it's finished OP, so that if they do start to attach stuff or paint it, you can show the pics as evidence they need to reinstate the fence to that condition.

Tara336 · 11/07/2024 18:03

Unfortunately we sometimes have unrealistically expectations thinking everyone is going to be as reasonable and considerate as you are. I'd love a nice neighbour too, we put up a new fence earlier this year after the old very tatty one blew down. It's our fence and our responsibility but instead of our frankly nasty and unhinged neighbour (huge backstory) saying "hey that's great thanks" she did what she always does when we have work done and came home at lunchtime (never does normally) to be rude and disrespectful to the people putting up the fence ... because they had leant a spirit level against her garden shed overnight. This is the sort of petty shit we have to put up with. Can't wait to retire and move house to be honest.

Nannyfannybanny · 11/07/2024 19:50

We were advised (solicitor,) to put up our own new fence,on our land. That wasn't possible because of different heights of the ground, greenhouse,big trees, plus their fence would have knocked ours over.

AMiaPettyBitch · 12/07/2024 04:48

Tara336 · 11/07/2024 18:03

Unfortunately we sometimes have unrealistically expectations thinking everyone is going to be as reasonable and considerate as you are. I'd love a nice neighbour too, we put up a new fence earlier this year after the old very tatty one blew down. It's our fence and our responsibility but instead of our frankly nasty and unhinged neighbour (huge backstory) saying "hey that's great thanks" she did what she always does when we have work done and came home at lunchtime (never does normally) to be rude and disrespectful to the people putting up the fence ... because they had leant a spirit level against her garden shed overnight. This is the sort of petty shit we have to put up with. Can't wait to retire and move house to be honest.

That is horrible! Some people are awful. This is how I felt, cannot saying anything positive to us, exclaim they only want the fence if we were paying, won't contribute, and even tried to mention the cemented in post to the team! They told her the 18 year old wood with green on it, and splits was rotten, so it would go (cue newsflash moment.)

I want to detach their mini rotten fence so much, gutted the fencing team detached and reattached it. They're coming today to hammer the planks on, so then it'll be too late. Dh thinks to leave it because at least it is professionally attached as they'll just reattach it anyway with rusty nails probably, and we won't even know from the other side! We won't be able to see. They had carpet nailed to the fence in the alley to stop the draft, you can't make this up! They're not skint! Their side has been done too, they'll not so much as knock to say thank you.

They're getting a new neighbour on the other side to them, and I'm hoping they'll get somebody who will play them at their own game. You can, but hope what goes around comes around! Hopefully they'll move away from the new fence, now no intimidation tactics are needed.

OP posts:
AMiaPettyBitch · 12/07/2024 05:01

thinkfast · 11/07/2024 17:09

Make sure you take photos of it all once it's finished OP, so that if they do start to attach stuff or paint it, you can show the pics as evidence they need to reinstate the fence to that condition.

Thanks, I will, my dm is telling me to explicitly in no uncertain terms tell them to not attach anything to the fence, tell them i'm unhappy they moved nothing, left it all along the fence. I know the kind of women she is, she'll lie, argue black is white, and it'll just make her do it all of the more, and be even more awkward. My dm has no issues with telling neighbours these things, I hate it!! They'll be blocked off today 🥳, hopefully it'll rectify it, they have what they wanted now.

I'll leave it, and hope for the best. I'll keep the payment receipts etc as confirmation we paid for it.

OP posts: