Is my cousin neurodivergent?

[NuevaQ]

My cousin is sort of an oddball - sorry, I’m sure this will offend some people.

He is late twenties and never diagnosed with anything. But he is very awkward socially. Doesn’t have any friends really, he socialises with other cousins that are younger than him by about 7 years, but more awkward around his own age group.

Never had a girlfriend (or boyfriend) - hard to say if he is actually interested. Never really talks about that sort of stuff. Still rather close to his mum as closer than to any friend, well he still lives at home.

He had his childhood teddy bear well into his teenage years.

no one can tell you if he is ND, but nothing you have said here indicates that - nothing you have said here indicates he suffers from anything other than a very judgemental cousin

Impossible to say based on that.

What does it matter if he is? Leave the poor lad alone.

Nothing there says ND or NT.

Nobody on here can tell.you.

Do neurodivergent people get judged a lot (almost a rhetorical question)?

I feel defensiveness in the responses.

Yes, we do. Also anyone whose behaviour is anything from "oddball" to "mass murderer" gets the "headtilt Are they autistic?"

You feel defensiveness in the answers. 😂

You right a nasty judgey post about someone who, whether ND or NT does not deserve to be dissected on MN. You call him socially awkward, and complain that he doesn't want to talk to you about his love life (I wonder why that might be) and invent a criticism based on keeping a soft toy - who in the world was hurt by that?

And then you think that people who say YABU are "defensive"?

No one is being defensive, your posts show utter contempt for him, and for people who are answering your question

Are you?

Are you the autism troll back yet again?

this, in spades.

Hmmm he definitely sounds like he's got stage 3 not-your-business and is possibly on the why-have-you-made-this-post spectrum. Hope that helps! 🙄

Are you asking for advice on how to support him (if he even wants your support). Otherwise I'm not sure what you AIBU is?

The reason for the question is exactly that @Bushmillsbabe. To understand him better and support him better.

I’m not going to filter anything I say and just accept that I will offend people.

Some other things he does, if going anywhere he will ask ten times for the time and place, even though he has been sent that information to his phone. He will give you periodic updates on where he is even if told he doesn’t need to (e.g. he will stop on the motorway just to provide an update where he is)

If you are visiting he will ask have you left home yet, then another text, are you at the station yet, than another, have you boarded, if flying ask you to let him know once you landed and he messages you where he is. Nothing wrong with that as such but seems very intense. Especially when he gives periodic updates about his whereabouts even though he was told he doesn’t need to (e.g. cousin don’t worry about stopping on the motorway just to let me know where you are - he says it makes him feel better)…

Accept him for who he is surely?
or find other people who you don't consider an " oddball"

🤣👏👏👏

You mean judge him more?

Whether he's ND or not, nothing will change

“I’m not going to filter anything I say and just accept that I will offend people.”

Well, aren’t you a peach.

Why does anyone bother with diagnosing then? Why is understanding differences better such a bad thing?

Or understand him better rather than just walk away, surely?

Him having a diagnosis won't mean you'll automatically understand him more though?

Yes he does sound like he could be neurodivergent.

As in you’ll walk away if you don’t understand him better…..? He is who he is, either he or his parents haven’t sought a diagnosis or (it doesn’t sound like) sought your advice on it - so isn’t the obvious thing just to be normal and continue as you are? You won’t be able to diagnose him via Mumsnet?

Of course I won’t be able to diagnose via Mumsnet but still don’t understand why it is such a bad thing to wonder and wanting to understand more.

Isn’t awareness a good thing? Very simple example, say I have a friend who shouts all the time or talks very very loudly (I don’t). I keep wishing and also asking him to talk less loud but he continues to talk at the same volume. Now I find out his hearing is impaired. I now view his loud talking and unwillingness to talk at more average volume in a different light - I understand.

What does odd even mean.
We are all a little odd aren't we?

Don't you like him?
Does he like you?