To think that your husband gets up in the night

[JennDi]

As the title says.

Interested to see how many husbands get up if their baby / child wakes up during the night (once they are older than two months)

YANBU - my husbands shares the nights and gets up regularly / or at least some of the time

YABU - my husband doesn’t do any of the night waking

Now they are a little older (3 & 5) but often wake briefly in the night, DP gets woken by DD who settles well for him, and DS always comes round to my side of the bed and settles better for me. So a very even split here.

Where's the option for he does all of the nights?

Since about 2 years he's done every night wake. Only wakes me if DD is really distressed, needing me or medication. 1-2 years it was mixed. First year was me with occasional help. I was breastfeeding and on maternity leave. So seemed silly for him to have broken nights then when not needed. Now he deals better with lack of sleep than me, so it's my turn to sleep.

Works well for us. Thiugh DD has generally always been quite a good sleeper.

I’ve never done any night feeds/wakings etc. I have ASD, ADHD and ME. My dh has done them all and worked full time

When I was on mat leave with DTs I did it all, Sunday to Thursday. H did Friday and Saturday. I used to go to bed about 9, he would do the 10pm feed so at least I got a block of sleep.

When I went back to work which helpfully coincided with a huge sleep regression, we took it in turns, or were both up together. It was torture and nearly broke me.

As they got older it was whenever they called for!

Obs I did all the breastfeeding. But if he woke up and i was feeding, he would get up and make me a fruit tea. It made me feel less lonely.

He works very long hours, so he would do the 11pm one so I could go to sleep at about 9pm. I would then do through the night.

Two months is irrelevant, I BF so do nights but DH will do evenings before we turn in. I’ve never minded getting up to feed but I don’t like mornings so DH has always done more of those.

DH did all the night wakes once my kids weren't breastfeeding anymore. He always survived much better on less sleep than I did 😂 he did all the early mornings at weekends too 😊

I never had a husband so did all night wakings myself as a single mum, however I have answered from the point of view of my own childhood- I am 60ish! my father did most of the night wakings in our child hood. In fact, I still don't really know how he did it, but he always seemed to know I was unwell a few moments before I did

I got up when the DC were babies, as soon as they went into their own rooms at 1+ DH took over nights. I need my sleep! Kids learnt that grumpy mum was not worth waking up so go straight to dad - in fairness he sleeps nearest the door anyway. Oh and I'm a SAHM.

I always did nights. My husband works and I don't so I could nap with the baby in the day. And to be fair I coslept so mostly the baby woke looking for a boob, which was right there, so I got decent sleep anyway.

I still do the putting to bed of our now 7 year old probably 95% of the time, but now if she comes downstairs while we're still up - she sometimes sleepwalks at about 11pm - he is generally the one to lead her back to bed.

BF baby, I did it all. Didn't see any point in us both being tired, DH took the baby in the morning before he went to work instead.

Waking 4.5 year old, DH does it all and often just sleeps with him so we all get more sleep.

Im a single parent so did it all, generally though I think if mum is off work and particularly if she's bf she should do the lion share.

If dad is at work, driving alot, operating heavy machinery or has another job with high level of risk he should get as much undisturbed sleep as possible for his own and others safety.

If you are both at work / mum has the riskier job or drives more then it needs to be shared

This exactly! There’s not even one answer for each couple I imagine as it will change over time! With one child when I was breastfeeding, I did them, as a toddler we took turns, second child, we divide and conquer, he takes toddler, I breastfeed baby. On days when it would be dangerous for him to be tired at work I did more at night and caught up on his days off.

It’s about what works for you as a couple - I find non breastfeeding parent to do start or night and morning while breastfeeding does middle worked for us but every family is so individual! Dads maybe can’t do half feeding but they can support in lots of other ways.

Almost never as I BF and was a SAHP. But he always got up with the first to wake, so that I could sleep in. He also got the older kids up, ready and delivered to nursery. We had one lie in each at the weekend.

I'm a SAHM to three and a carer for our youngest (7) My husband works from 5am - 5pm most days and we take turns each night with our youngest who doesn't sleep well at all and needs 24/7 supervision.

Fathers need to do their share of night waking from the start? Even when working and mum is on maternity leave.

DP would generally be the one who got up apart when I was breastfeeding but even then he’d often do a nappy change/resettle after. Dd slept through (7-7) from about 4 months though (I’m aware this was v v v lucky as my eldest - not DP’s child - slept through about 4/5 years 😱).

Even now she’s 3, if she ever does wake or cough or whatever in the night, he will usually be the one to check on her. He has physical job and long commute and works away sone nights. he’s also late 40s so older than the average. Because he works away (average 2/3 nights per week) and works sone weekends, he really tries to make up for it when he’s around by doing a lot for her and it’s reflected in their relationship.

I think it’s reasonable for dad’s to not do nightfeeds except perhaps on a weekend night, whilst mum is on mat leave and/or ebf.

First six months, I was bfing so got up.

We night weaned around 6 months, so DH played a big role there, doing most of the wakeups for a few week

After that we shared it. I was back in work at 8 months anyway.

We used to take turns when they were babies. Both bottle fed.
my husband wfh 100% and tbh his job isn’t that demanding so it worked for us. I understand if someone is on mat leave and their other half is up early for work or whatever it is probably different.

Whenever baby woke in the night I would go and prepare their feed. Whilst I was doing this my husband would change their nappy. So we shared it really

I breastfed each of mine to two; so I did it up to then. Beyond that, I felt like I'd done my bit - he has done about 75% of the wakings since then (although they're now 11 and 8 and we don't get woken in the night any more unless something dramatic happens like someone has been sick and then it's all hands on deck; one parent to comfort and the other to clean/strip beds).

No but he gets up in the morning and lets me lie in

Why is it if dad has a risky job it needs to be mum doing as much as possible, but if mum has the risky job it’s just shared?

My DS was breastfed until 8 months old. That was my doing, obviously. DH would help with nappies and soothing occasionally, if DS awoke a lot. He was a fairly easy baby, though, so I didn't mind most of the time.

DS is almost 3 now, and sleeps really well, so usually nobody needs to get up at night. My DH does most of the night wakings when needed, though (which is rare!). He needs less sleep than I do. I have a chronic health condition and get severely fatigued to the point of not functioning more easily.

My husband did the majority of night waking once they were in their own room. Prior to that, it was a mix with me doing the breastfeeding and quick settling as they were next to me in a side sleeper, but him handling when the baby wouldn't settle. I have fond memories of finding him with a little one some time later, singing to them while bouncing them around the halls.

He now jokes it was great preparation for moving to working night shift.