To be a little bit upset that dp did nothing?

[deflatedbirthdayballoon]

*I am one of those adults who loves and makes a big deal out of their birthday, always have been and always will be. I go out of my way to do things for others every other day of the year but this is my day! No I don't care if that makes me 'childish' 😁

It's my birthday over the weekend but I won't be with dp as my mum has just got out of hospital and I wanted to visit her. She lives several hours away from me so I'll be away for the weekend.

I know we are planning to do something to celebrate my birthday when we get back but it won't be anything particularly special as I get back in the evening and we are both in work the next day.

Aibu to be a teeny bit upset that dp hasn't done anything to mark the occasion before I go? I wasn't expecting a gift or anything but a card or even a note on the fridge would have been something! A text on the day just doesn't feel the same 😞

Idk maybe I am and he's planning something for after but I just feel a little sad that there was no acknowledgment of the day before I left.

Fair enough @Miffylou, I concede I may be a bit unreasonable in this regard! Maybe I was a bit unclear about what I wanted or my expectations were too high.

But next year is a big one so everyone around me will know I expect a parade, they have a year to plan 😂

Err no, @Coffeerum, I said I HAD been treated that way in PREVIOUS relationships. Never said that's what dp was doing, in fact I agreed that maybe I was being a bit unreasonable.

And yes I have already left to go away for the weekend.

Ah ok - so you are looking for physical things and money spent? Not just showing that someone cares for and values you?

I am coming to the conclusion that you don't know what you want, so I agree with the PP who said you were setting this as a sort of test.

So your DP has to celebrate your birthday precisely in the way you want.

Meanwhile it's fine for you to ignore his wishes on his birthday if they don't match what you think should happen.

@redskydarknight sorry, if I wasn't clear - you said you assumed my mum would be making a big fuss of me and I'm assuming she won't be (as in cake, presents, meal out, decorations etc) as she is short on money and still in recovery so physically it's harder for her to leave the house or move around and do things. I never said anywhere that I expect any of those things. There's a lot of ways to show you care without spending lots of money.

Also no, it's not that he has to celebrate exactly how I want. If we did that, there would be a lot more fuss! But I'm happy with a middle ground because I know to insist upon that would be a bit princessy and unrealistic.

I just encourage him to mark the occasion in some way, either by buying him and/or doing something that we wouldn't normally do. I don't throw him huge surprise parties because I know he would hate that. He's very frugal by nature so he feels uncomfortable with people spending money on 'frivolous' things such as a birthday present for him, I provide the alternative view that it's ok for us to treat him sometimes on special occasions.

Well he clearly has a different view with regards to birthdays but he could have at least given you a card and something small to unwrap on the day!

Just tell him that you want to do something to mark your birthday before you go. I’ve spent too many birthday being disappointed by others’ lack of thought, life is too short to hope someone will be thoughtful and sensitive about something that matters to you.
i am also in the crew that wants to be made a fuss of on my birthday.
if im single I expect less but spell out very clearly to my kids that I’d like it acknowledged and help them in any way I can to sort present and card and then I take us out for a meal

oooh, hoping for mind reading from him is going to cause all sorts of trouble and resentment in your relationship and life.

I think we were sold this lie by romantic comedies or something that men should know what we want as a proof of how much they love / are in tune with us.

be kind to him and yourself- just tell him what you need to be happy! 😊

I'd at least leave the moaning until after your birthday! At this stage you don't even know what he has planned for when you get back from the weekend away! Don't judge the poor man before it's even happened.

It sounds like you had a fair bit going on the weekend of your birthday, if he's genuinely is a good guy and you celebrate a week later, just say "hopefully next year's will be better'
Mind you my husband bought me a bar of chocolate from the garage on my 40th, so maybe I'm not the best person to give advice, but I know he loves and cares for me, so I let it slide, actually my friends were more horrified and berated him then treated me to a massage 😆 and our children remind him now. Hope you do have a treat that makes you feel happy

My DP is rubbish at presents and birthdays. I have to tell him, which I hate asking. But I get excited.

My first birthday together we were only dating a few months. I just asked for a meal out. He took me to a show and a meal out. This was perfect. Christmas he asked what j wanted. I asked for an every chain. I got very grand wedding type jewellery. Lesson to be more specific.

next Birthday I got a voucher for a video game I did want. Christmas he asked for a list to choose from. I got everything from the list which was awkward. Lesson to make list small.

this birthday champagne (I don’t really drink) and and orchid (have 4 as gifts and not my favourite) as no list given. But he did take day off work to go out and treated me to meal out and a surprise overnight - albeit I got a few hours notice which was a bit annoying as I had to be dressed up like I was going to a wedding!

my lesson now is to give a short list with a disclaimer of not everything.

Yep. I'm very explicit

"I want a card, cake, something booked for this date"

If it’s special for you and your partner knows it is then YANBU.

I don’t really give a crap about my birthday so if my husband did something then i would think he’d been up to something 😂

I love that he bought the whole list that’s something my husband would do then if I said I didn’t mean you to buy it all he’d be confused as to why I gave him the list 😂😂. My SIL is the same, I gave her a list of all the Pandora charms my daughter wanted at Christmas expecting her to choose one or two but she got them all 😂

Can I just get some clarity here?
Your birthday hasn't come up yet? You haven't left for your mothers yet?
So, you are upset for a hypothetical situation where he might not have done something that you want him to do.....

I can see why this will bring flashbacks from your previous crappy relationship but all you're doing is giving yourself a rod to beat your own back and his for that matter. That's not a great move on your part.

By the way you yourself have described him, he wouldn't do the small token. Not out of lack of affection but because he will putting his energy into the plan he knows you are looking forward too. He's doing that to show you, you matter to him and he hears you when you say your birthday is important. That's pretty nice.

Nothing wrong with wanting the small token so give him the heads up instead of getting annoyed over it because you will be making it a test. He's already doing a good job, don't vilify him over something he doesn't even know is an issue.

Many people view birthdays (other than landmarks) as pretty meaningless.

I wouldn’t be upset if he’s a good husband.🤷‍♀️

I am also the same. Very precious about my birthday and a card is expected as minimum! If your DP is aware of the fact that you expect a hoohaa then he should certainly
be reminded to do something after you have seen your mum.

this is why before you get with someone it should be made clear that both of you are on the same page for ‘birthdays’ otherwise it will always be a disappointment every birthday and to be frank it’s you who loses out. And I say this from experience.

Sooo...what happened in the end?