Friends with money

[the7Vabo]

Posting here for other opinions rather than AIBU if that’s allowed.

Per the title most of our friends have a lot of money and some have serious amounts of money.

My DC are pretty young but recently we went on holidays with friends who have serious money and they rented an amazing mansion and we rented a perfect nice typical holiday home. Five nights in our house cost less than one in theirs to give you an idea of scale.

My DS(6) who never appeared to notice the disparity before has announced (firmly) that he wants to get their house next time we go.

I sense this will be the start of many conversions on the topic.

I tried explaining that money isn’t really what matters in life but that went very much over his head.

We live a nice comfortable but nothing remarkable life. But he has a lovely school, nice room, nice area to play in. He also had a bustling social life - weekends of hobbies and seeing friends for coffees.

I don’t expect a child to be grateful every day of his life but I’d like to raise a child who doesn’t worship money (which at the moment he does!)

I also don’t want him to feel upset or hard done by or that he needs certain material things for his sense of self esteem. It upsets me somewhat thinking about this because even though I didn’t grow up in poverty, I remember the feeling of not having things that other people had and it made be feel like they were better than me. But at the same time now I’m an adult I obviously disagree with that logic! I also get a bit annoyed at him for wanting things when I know it’s normal for a kid.

I have thought of showing him dire poverty but that seems OTT for his age and as bad as it’s sounds I felt there were so many similar charity ads when I was growing up with pictures of babies in Africa I barley registered them.

Any advice on how to approach conversations.

My 5 year old is similar one of his best pals has a awesome house whilst he shares a bedroom with his brother.
He's also said how he wants to go to Disney land and how come he doesn't get a toy each time we do a day out somewhere.

I simply explain that many things cost money and that we still do nice things and holidays as that's what mummy and daddy save our money to do. He knows if he wants a toy he saves for it then asks to take some of his money with us on a day out.

He's not too young to explain about savings and also reality that everyone's lives are different and have different things going on.
His friend on the other hand wants to come to our house because we have a tree swing and he thinks it's the best thing!

I have had similar, but with BIL's car, swanky Porsche, as opposed to our Ford Focus.

At that age I just said, very straight forward, we can't afford that, he has more money than us. Generally that was all that was needed.

How do you eat them? I turn them upside down and eat the sponge first, so I am left with the blob of cream covered in icing. Yummy.

OP I have this issue. I found just talking through the fact that, although we don’t have to worry about money, we aren’t as wealthy as some of the people we know. I will say… it worked well until I got my kids’ school writing books back at the start of the summer. He had written an essay on how we are not rich. It ran something like - my parents aren’t poor, but they are not rich either. My house is ok, but not huge. We go on holidays, but not as much as I’d like and we never have a private pool. I was mortified thinking about the teacher reading it… 🥴

I bite of the icing then lick the blob then scarf the bun in two bites not classy or elegant but completely enjoyable

You make it sound like you eat them in at least two parts...am I the only one who just shovels them in ?

Ooooo you have to savour the scrummyness

I doubt the teacher has a private pool either so it's probably fine 😂.

my friends have always been of a similar wealth to ourselves ….some a bit more….some a bit less….but nothing major ….kids see things in black and white….they want what the rich kid has…… they not going to buy you saying ‘ money doesn’t matter’ …..find some other mates to go on holiday with

You are making it about money. Your 6 year old just sees a house that he likes. He doesn’t know what it costs and whether you can afford it or not.

I remember being excited when I went to a friends house because they had a soda stream and I thought that they were the coolest family ever.

He’s 6. Let him be excited by his friends house.

No, you are not the only one. I have witnessed my son doing just that - and two have gone in at once. It's not called a cake hole for nothing 🤣

I talk to my children about wealth divides across the world quite a bit. You can show them pictures of diffefent types of hpuses and there is a good article with pictures you can google on favourite toys of chikdren across the world, where in one part of the world the toy is a plastic bottle and another part its a nintendo. I think its healthy to show ypur kids that they arent in a bubble, to be grateful but also that there is always someone richer and always someone poorer, wherever you are in the scale. I explain some childfen live in rubbish dumps and have no school, some live in palaces but we are all human. My son always says he wants to make lots of money when hes older but he will give half to the poorer people. So I think its fine to want money and great if you can make lots, but perspective and compassion for those less fortunate is as important. Thats what I try and teach them about money. They often ask, are we rich or poor. I tell them its relatjve but we are more fortunate than much of the worlds population and I think although we arent super rich, anyone earning a decent wage in the west enough to afford a holiday abroad is in the worlds top 10 percent of earners

You sound nuts.

Your 6 year old does not "worship money".

It's very easy to explain wealth discrepancy to children. "We haven't got enough money for that."

Why?

The teacher won't care.