Resent husband for earning less

[YouknowmeIdowhatIdo]

DH grew up very poor, social housing, parents out of work. This means he is very risk adverse when it comes to money, as he has a lot of fear around not having enough money which I can understand.

when we met we were earning similar, and over the last 10 years I have grafted and gone for every promotion and every opportunity that has come my way. It’s been a hard slog. I have had to work for some atrocious managers and worked under a lot of pressure. He has often said I can’t handle this. Anyway in that time, I have had two DC and always worked full time after maternity leave. Since having the DC I have worked a compressed week to save on childcare but it’s been a killer and I’m close to burnout after doing 40 hour weeks and a day of solo childcare.

I earn around 50% more than DH (plus save a days childcare for the two DC every month) and I think it’s time to cut back hours but it would take a big hit to our finances. I’ve asked DH to do a compressed week but his boss ‘doesn’t approve them’. I’ve talked to him about moving jobs but he likes to stay where he is where he is comfortable. He doesn’t push on in the same way I do.

im exhausted, the kids were up at 5:30, he asked me if I was going to get up, to which I replied ‘in a minute’ and then began a rant about how lazy I was. I basically told him where to go but I was in so much rage I told him that the reason I’m so exhausted is because I work so much/do so much childcare/housework and I can’t keep going the way I am. Then I told him I resented him for not earning enough money, meaning I’m trapped in the situation I’m in. I know I shouldn’t have said it and he’s obviously fuming now, telling me he doesn’t like the person I am in front of the kids.

I think i am BU but how do I deal with this resentment I feel??

Admin of the bills? What, setting up a direct debit? And you end up cooking after a ten hour work day plus seeing to the kids?
He's a lazy sod. You both work full-time but he seems to be relying on your discomfort/guilt about being a career woman so you overcompensate and he gets away with doing sweet FA.
If you both earnt the same he'd still be a lazy CF. But this way he gets to act like the victim because you earn more.
Feel proud of your career and your ability to be a good mother. The fact he assumed you'd just get up to see to the kids says a lot.
He does the bins and has some direct debits set up. Whilst you do 10 hour days, one day child care plus everything else. Don't be made to feel guilty for something you said when you were exhausted due to him not doing a fair share.

Is it a pattern she puts him down?

Frankly I'm disgusted at the 22% who have voted that you're being unreasonable, shame on them. So you earn the most and you do the most? He's happy as he is? I bet he is, F cking loser. If he doesn't have the balls ( your balls are much bigger btw) then ditch him. Ditch this man baby NOW, it won't get any better. If he won't fight for himself he sure as sh t won't do it for you and his children. Should I say your Children, since you have all of the responsibilities. He is happy because he's got it easy and that won't change. If you stay with this loser, he will take all the credit for YOUR hard work, smile and be happy until you are an empty husk then probably leave you when you need him because you're old and tied. My story? 4th of 8 children, desperately deprived background, juggled a full time job, part time Science degree, toddler and a household. Hubby was abroad a lot and out with pals and hobbies when he was home. Pretty pissed off 20 years later when I announced I wanted out. I got my half of the house, no furniture, no designer belongings or jewellery because I was not allowed those, or hobbies despite my efforts at being a high earner for the family. 19 years on, I'm still poor but my home is my own, having single handedly renovated and decorated my previous 2 homes and it's peaceful and I am free, at last.