To expect husband to contribute more to the trip

[Anuta77]

We rarely go on vacation because we have a lot of expenses.
DH needs to go to a professional conference in an interesting city in another country. He has to pay the conference fees (he needs to go to get points to stay in his professional organization), and obviously accomodation, car rental, etc.
He suggested that I go with him, so we have a vacation without the kids.
Im totally fine with paying for my plane ticket and half for car rental and accomodation, however I realize that by coming with him, hes saving compared to going alone and he will be able to write down these expenses in his tax report. Not me.
Somewhere deep down, I feel that he could contribute more to this so called vacation. It isnt really a convenient moment for me, its not my first choice for a destination and I have to make arrangements for the kids which is really stressful for me.
AIBU?

Are you pissed because he can claim it back and you can’t?

Just don't go, then.
And when talking to him, don't say "could you",
say "would you or will you" .
It gets there better.

I don’t get separate money when married. It’s probably down to my DH and I getting together quite young and earning equally. But it must be so messy when you have separate accounts. Not sure I could cope.
for about 6 years my DH earned significantly more than me while I was on Mat leave then went PT. Neither of us questioned splitting everything 50/50

i get paid into our spending account. He gets paid into the bills. Anything left over from the bills gets split 50/50 into his isa and mine.

we never argue over money.

Why are you with him?

It doesn't sound like dc is happy.

I don't understand relationships like this when you are both married. It's so strangely transactional. It doesn't sound like a partnership never mind a marriage

Are you committed to going? Doesn't actually sound like much fun imho.

He can't have it both ways to claim business expenses and from you.

This, you should be paying in proportion to your income.

or paying in everything and then taking back the same amount each for personal spends.

make sure you take account of pension contributions- lots of men seem to “ forget” that’s essentially a personal savings account and treat it as a joint expense.

I wouldn’t go - sounds far too complicated and not fun for you

I get your point OP.
I'd suggest a separate trip, or you come once the conference is finished so all expenses are properly joint,rather than a tax dodge for him.

Sounds like you don't really want to go and it will probably be overall cheaper and more simple if he goes on his own, after all isn't it a work trip?

This is weird, you’re married, presumably for a long time since you have several children old enough to be left. I don’t understand why you’re nit picking over how this trip is being paid for? I get having personal accounts (my husband and I still do) but this trip is his work expense, it should come from his business money, and your expenses over there that can’t be claimed back are family/household money and any return he gets with tax should be part of family/household money too. IMO if something like this causes nit picking, the percentages in personal accounts is too high, more funds need to be channeled into household/family expenses

Why would you pay half to tag along? Maybe half of the non tax deductible stuff.

like he still pays as if it’s just him. Then at dinner you get separate bills. BUT he takes the expensive main, 2-3 drinks and shared appie. Cause that can be claimed too!

i don’t know how your finances work, or if he’s just weird about stuff. But when you divorce or die it all works out regardless - unless you have a prenup in certain countries.

so yeah it’s weird. Also weird he’s just abandoning you with the kids, hasn’t even offered to look for a sitter?? It’s his reason for being away, why do you get default parenting? Cause you have a vagina - yeah - Happens to us all.

all over a bit strange. Your spidey sense are tingling for a reason.

worst is, if you don’t make him get it his opinion will be that he offered you a weekend away, and you don’t want it and are mad. So make sure you talk!

Yes, I know how much he has. I know how much he has in savings too. It’s our money. We have a joint account where we both put money in. We also have a joint savings account, I have my own accounts too and he knows how much I have. We see all money as ‘our’ money , always. We are in this relationship together.