My husband doesn't like anyone we hang out with

[Hocuspoc]

We are literally down to one couple - hanging on a thread, he keeps saying this is the last time we meet them, and he has good opinion of one girl friend I hang out with.
I know one should be lucky to have one true friend in life, but my husband really took that to another level.
He also despises family visits (both sides of family).
He finds everyone annoying or thinks they are bragging or if not that then are envious, everyone keeps in touch out of interest etc...
Yes, sure, people are different, but so what if someone is slightly better off or different, we need to have some contact with other people.
What about our kid tomorrow when he will have some friends over, he needs to at least be kind to their parents.
But he simply is not budging. I had cousins over the other day, he spent entire evening silent, his body language was turning entire torso away from the guy who was trying to engage him in afriendly conversation but soon gave up.
I felt soo bad when they left, there was absolutely no confusion about him not wanting to see them ever again, and these are people I was close with and haven't seen for a long time - they really wanted to meet him too.
I just don't think his behaviour is normal!

OP, don’t stay with this guy. He’s clearly an arsehole who is trying to make you as isolated as he is. I bet he’s controlling in other ways as well?. This shitty behaviour towards people is a huge RED FLAG. You’ll be happier without him with your friends and family circle intact.

Why are you down to one last couple? Is it because your partner is so rude to them they don't want to see you again?

He's isolating you OP, it's a big red flag. Is he controlling in other ways?

With this behaviour he is training you to never spend time with anyone except him. You cannot go along with this. It is not in your interest at all to be cutting people off like that. It’s him you should be cutting off.

Because all other people - couples or not, he has driven away. For example, refusing to go to couple of get togethers in a row (even birthdays or celebrations) - I went by myself sometimes. And then after few times of that people would get the message - the woman from the couple would stay in touch with me and we remain sort of friends, but we don't get invites as a family or couple.
I am not really a social butterfly either, but I love hanging out with groups of people here and there and I am not happy he is driving people away.
And most of all I am worried about how included my son will feel in future - I would like us to keep a circle of friends that have kids so he has that experience...but my husband doesn't think of that at all it seems.
Actually when I explain - if he is in the listening mode - he acknowledges I am right, yet changes nothing in his behaviour.

This is the blueprint start of controlling behaviour, isolating you from friends and family. I’d run a mile.

I would say there are two possible reasons

1. He is controlling you and wants to make your world very small.
2. Possibly ND but still does not allow for being so rude (ND family here and some id us don't like company hugely, however none of us is rude).

Either way I would not stay in this relationship.

Yes I was thinking about that too. The confusing bit is that he is absolutely happy for me to go - anywhere anytime. There was never a moment in our 10+ years where I felt I could not go and meet up or travel with anyone.
It is that he refuses to take part, and refuses to have anyone visiting us at home. On two occasions I had to cancel two separate friends sleeping over while already on the way to London after we agreed for a one night stay (had to lie about getting really sick suddenly - I mean really really unpleasant situation).

What is ND?

Ah neuro divergent

Someone is highly introverted and uncomfortable socialising with people outside the family and of course MNers jump to it being domestic abuse. Give me a break. He’s just not social. If you can’t tolerate that leave but it’s not the law to enjoy other people’s company.

Absolutely. But the OP does not have to stay in a relationship with someone like this. My DH does not really like socializing much whereas I am very sociable. He makes the effort for me but often like go out without him and it works for us. He would never be rude to people in our house.

God, I know lots of men like this. Several of my friends have husbands like this.

You just have to stay clear in your mind what is going on (he has massive social functioning problems) and that he is not going to drag you down with him.

You can't insist on "couples" socialising - he doesn't have to do that, and he doesn't have to prop up your social life, and anyone who only wants to socialise with you as a couple is no loss anyway. You can however maintain a busy and healthy social life without him, and not let it be blighted by negativity or sideswipes from him - just blank any attempts at that. And he doesn't get to bar you inviting people to your home - that is a hill I would die on, and I think if he can't understand that then you are in a shitty marriage and should consider your options. The rest I could put up with.

Is he just an extreme introvert and also very rude? DH has pretty much zero interest in anyone who’s not me or DD. We are both what I would call confident introverts, he doesn’t really enjoy other peoples company, but he will make an effort as required if it keeps us happy.

If he’s happy for you to go by yourself it may just be that he really hates other people and really resents them in his space. You may just have to deal with it. But tbh it may not be the kind of life you want to live.

He doesn't sound ND just extremely rude & controlling. He's cutting you off from everyone INCLUDING both sides of the family, that's not normal. That's abuse.

You need to leave before you end up alone.

This is sort of how I see my situation and the biggest problem is the house visits. I have already adjusted to going alone and as you say - just naturally - the friends you got left are those who are truly into me, and not just couples socialization. And although I miss more of the group invites, fine.
But house visits - I really cannot be in a position where noone is welcomed. I can explain to my family and they will understand - but only them.
Plus, as I said - looking at playdates for kids, ours will be excluded pretty soon if we never invite back 🤷🏼‍♀️

My husband is probably ND (but won’t discuss it) and has social anxiety. I met him at Uni where he appeared to be sociable and outgoing. We have probably only two couples we socialise with but he does have some other friends. He’s not rude though, just very quiet. It’s not worth leaving him over so I just socialise without him. He gets quiet time at home and I get to go out with my friends so we both win. At least I’ve always had a babysitter.

The not allowing people to visit in your home isn’t on though. That is really unpleasant and selfish of him. Surely he can find an excuse to leave you to it, work or DIY to do?

That sounds like a pretty good deal to me! Plus you never have to spend time socialising with friends if his who wouldn't be your first choice.

Yes, I think you are going to have to have an honest conversation where you say "I respect your right to be an unsociable git, but this is my home too. I want to have friends over, and our children WILL be having friends over. I will give you warning and we can do it in a way that doesn't require more than a polite nod from you before you scuttle off with some excuse, but you need to understand that you can't block me bringing people here." If he can't see the sense in that, you have problems, but I think if you openly accept that he himself is not required to be sociable he may agree not to be a total arse.

This x100

He despises her family.

Plenty of people are ND and manage not to despise their partners’ family and refuse to have them over for partners’ sake. .

My friend has a similar husband - he will go to his Mums, but flatly refuses to engage with her family and won't go to any social events whatsoever. He'll sometimes drive the two hour journey to her Mums and won't even say 'hello' on the doorstep - he'll go off somewhere else. If anyone comes to the house, he seems to be able to cope if people are outside and will actually say 'hello' from the kitchen, but if anyone is inside or stays, he goes out to sit in the caravan. His main reason is he doesn't like the people, so why should he engage!

What she's learnt over the years, is to put lots of effort into old and new friendships and if she gets the chance to go out, she just goes - doesn't ask him if it's ok. She's such a nice person, DH doesn't mind if she's here without him.

My DH hates any visitors to our home, however, he is happy for me to go away, wherever or to whomever I want to go. He is not controlling in any other way. He hates family occasions but will always make the effort for our DC or our close family but I accepted a long time ago that it's better for me to go without him than to force him to do something he has decided he doesn't want to do!
My DH has never been diagnosed as ND but we have ND DC and DGC and he displays ASD signs.
If your DH is ND then ensure you know where you stand with him, if he's controlling then run!

I think there's a difference between not being social and being extremely rude. I sometimes wonder about male behaviour. My DP is extremely social (on his terms) but will get his phone and scroll if bored in a social situation and I now see some of my couple friends singly. He's not controlling me, we don't live together but I do find it socially sticky sometimes.

As long as he lets you see them on your own, I don't see the problem. I'm not social, I hate people, but I'd never stop my partner socialising.