My husband doesn't like anyone we hang out with

[Hocuspoc]

We are literally down to one couple - hanging on a thread, he keeps saying this is the last time we meet them, and he has good opinion of one girl friend I hang out with.
I know one should be lucky to have one true friend in life, but my husband really took that to another level.
He also despises family visits (both sides of family).
He finds everyone annoying or thinks they are bragging or if not that then are envious, everyone keeps in touch out of interest etc...
Yes, sure, people are different, but so what if someone is slightly better off or different, we need to have some contact with other people.
What about our kid tomorrow when he will have some friends over, he needs to at least be kind to their parents.
But he simply is not budging. I had cousins over the other day, he spent entire evening silent, his body language was turning entire torso away from the guy who was trying to engage him in afriendly conversation but soon gave up.
I felt soo bad when they left, there was absolutely no confusion about him not wanting to see them ever again, and these are people I was close with and haven't seen for a long time - they really wanted to meet him too.
I just don't think his behaviour is normal!

I guess you and your friends are going to have to get used to only you and your child turning up to their events. I suppose if it’s going to be a small group, one or two couples and you, it might seem odd. But if they are good friends you’d hope they would be happy to see you even if you didn’t have your husband in tow.

The thing I would have a problem with is not being able to host friends in my home. That he would need to compromise on. Three or four times spread over the year when they only stay one night would be fair.

I get some people are introvert let but they need to weigh that up before cohabiting with someone who isn’t.

You need him to be polite to your’s and your son’s guests, that is not unreasonable. You need him to socialise with other people as a couple whether that be friends or family. Again not unreasonable. But that’s just not who he naturally is unfortunately. How far are you both willing to compromise and are you satisfied with that? Only you can decide what is a deal breaker or not. Perhaps you’d be better suited to someone else?

Is he even good company for YOU? 1 to 1.

Did you raise his extreme rudeness to your cousins with him?

I can understand why you find this hard.

My fiancé is very social, but at times complains a LOT about going to see certain family on my side or having them over to our house. They haven't done anything to him, they're just not "his kind of people" but they are kind and generous, they just aren't his personal friends he'd prefer to socialise with.

I have said to him (I'm very laid back) that sometimes in life, unless it causes us pain and is unfair to ask, we do things for our other half and not for ourselves and that's how he should see it.

Did I want to go to every nephew/nieces birthday party at an awful venue or his sisters house with her totally psycho in-laws? No. Did I spend many Saturdays (having worked a busy week and needing to see my own family/friends more often) going to these things and then always being pulled into staying at his parents and writing off the entire weekend but a smile on my face? Yes. Because it was for him and he enjoyed seeing his family and there was no reason not to other than acting like a teenager saying "but I'd rather go here than there".

This. It's totally reasonable for him to have what he likes some of the time - which is not having to socialise - but it is your house too and he cannot have his own way about not having people round. If he won't be pleasant, he'll have to go out or you may have to reconsider the relationship. It's not fair on you or your children.

But he doesn't. He doesn't let her have friends over and isn't happy for his child to have friends over and if they do he is rude to them which sabotages friendships. That is very problematic and very much only on his terms.

This is my husband too. We don't socialise anymore and he doesn't like people coming round to our house.
Wasn't like this before we got married. Happy for me to go out on my own though.
I feel bad for my children in that we have hardly ever had visitors in the past 15 years but he does let other children come round ( or rather I tell him they are coming round or having a sleepover).
It's quite lonely tbh. I just have to make sure I make an effort with my girlfriends and work colleagues to keep that social side of things.

My point is that I think there's a difference between someone who isolates you from friends, and someone who simply doesn't want the faff of having them at their own house.

I know there are different types of people, but me for example, I hate having people over, even best friends or family. It's my sanctuary. I won't stop my partner if they want friends over, but I'm not thrilled with the idea. As long as you don't stop them having friends, i.e. they can go out to meet friends, I don't see the big deal.

Leave. It won’t get better.

This has nothing to do with neurodiversity or anything like that, it’s control and abusive control. He’s trying to isolate you from your support system.

I get your point about him not saying she can’t have friends but he is actually rude towards them, that will of course lead to isolation. The main issue though is that he’s doing the same to his son, he will also end up having a very small world and he hasn’t chosen that. Small children don’t just go out to coffee shops or for a walk together, they tend to hang out at each other’s homes.

What is interesting is that it's getting worse over time. When we met he was this outgoing guy, happy to hang out. When we started living together we would have people over, and it was his friends more often, but generally we had people over. He used to take part in planning, like getting groceries, helping decide what I cook and help, he'd choose drinks and mixers. He was leading conversations.
And then, I'd say since covid lockdowns perhaps, because at that time people would not come over anyway, it's like he discovered you don't need socializing or something...

And about neurodiversity...There were moments when I thought to myself he may be on a spectrum, his social interactions seemed almost rehearsed sometimes. I, knowing him well, could see it is not him that he is presenting to the world, very robotic. Also he would say things like clumsy things you just don't say, anyway, i think it genuinely drains him.
But he would never admit this, and especially not that he is nd, he considers this offensive. (Apologies to anyone affected btw, that's not my point of view)

I do think the Covid lockdowns have had that impact you mention on people who are naturally less inclined to socialise

It’s up to you were you want to stay in this set up but tbh if this is your life going forward you need to accept and work with the situation rather than push against it

trying to force socialisation will just add pressure to the situation accept it and plan round it

wifes uncle is like this her aunty socialises on her own

It is a big deal though. If you don't invite people into your home you are keeping them at a distance and not letting them know you. The OP's husband wants to keep that distance, but she doesn't, especially for their children.

I kind of sympathise with your husband tbh. I’m in my 40s now and have reached the conclusion that I just don’t like people. The majority either irritate, bore or disgust me. It’s usually one of those three. Maybe it would be more accurate to say that I don’t like socialising. I hate parties, weddings, christenings, anything like that. Hate, hate, hate them. And when people come to the house I’m usually longing for them to go. They probably feel the same about me.