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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does abortion hurt?

65 replies

Rycbar · 09/07/2024 23:38

My husband and I were discussing this the other day and I thought I’d bring it here as we may get actual answers.

I want to preface this by saying I am prochoice and not wanting to discuss the morals of abortion, just the mechanics.

I just had a miscarriage at 9 weeks pregnant. Aside from being absolutely devastated, it was the most painful and traumatic thing I’ve ever experienced. My body did this naturally and I didn’t need any intervention however because my miscarriage was a missed one, we knew baby had died before it started and I’d read up on the options (medical or surgery).

From what I understand, the options to move a miscarriage along or help if our bodies haven’t done it completely on their own is the exact same process as an abortion. I understand surgery wouldn’t be painful as apparently it isn’t but by all accounts the medical management is worse than the natural.

it doesn’t make sense to me and the only thing I can think is that the stigma around abortion means that even less people talk about it then miscarriage so it actually is painful - but only people who have one know.

AIBU: it isn’t painful at all.

AINBU: it is painful - people just don’t talk about it because of the stigma.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rycbar · 10/07/2024 00:53

Boutonnière · 10/07/2024 00:30

My miscarriage at 12 weeks wasn’t particularly painful ( minor discomfort, like light period pain) and nothing at all like labour pains. Everyone is different but I wasn’t aware that general information is that it is always very painful. Upsetting, yes. Later miscarriage I would certainly expect greater pain.

Friends who had abortions reported cramping equivalent to first day period pains.

i understand everyone is different and will experience it differently but if you look on the websites like Tommy’s and Miscarriage Association (which are two my GP referred me to for support) they describe it as can be ‘extremely painful’ and ‘labour like pains’ - which is exactly what I had . I have painful periods normally and this was next level.
The midwives and doctor at the EPU also said that this level of pain was normal and not to worry about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rycbar · 10/07/2024 00:55

alenetern · 10/07/2024 00:33

I had a surgical abortion (tfmr) at 14 wks. It wasn't painful at all, I had a light general anaesthetic which was just enough to put me under without making me feel groggy (I went home straight after and felt alert and normal). No pain or cramping afterwards, just painless bleeding and no complications (and I conceived again naturally 4 months later). It was just like going to sleep and waking up and it was all over (which is exactly what I wanted).

I paid privately although I would have been entitled to an NHS termination, but the doctor was recommended to me and was available the next day so I booked it.

I have a high pain threshold and have always recovered well from surgeries, births (elcs) and never have painful periods.

Yes the general information seems to be surgery is the least traumatic and painful way to miscarry/abort.
I think the difference seems to be the expectations of medical abortions/miscarriages.

OP posts:
IllMetByMoonlight · 10/07/2024 00:59

General anaesthetic for surgical procedure; entirely painless.
However, nothing could have prepared me for the emotional pain I suffered immediately afterwards. Keeping the baby had never been an option as I'd conceived accidentally while taking a strong course of medication which was contraindicated for conception with a high risk of significant birth defects. Nevertheless, I think I went a little crazy afterwards and definitely contemplated suicide, the pain of the loss was so intense and I couldn't see past it. I have never felt any emotion as intensely, possibly bar the elation at the births of my living DC, but I'm not even sure that's really true. Ot took me at least a year go get over the distress. So even though I am 100% pro-choice, I have advised friends to think really ncarefully prior to terminations.

Original poster
Rycbar · 10/07/2024 00:59

TinklySnail · 10/07/2024 00:51

I can’t speak for everyone as times change. I was abused and had an abortion aged 12.
I was put under GE so didn’t feel anything. No pain before or after that I can remember. I just remember the relief mixed with confusion.
Maybe the physical pain memories diminished more than the mental scars.
I would imagine that having to do it on your own at home would be quite traumatic if not painful.

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. The general consensus seems to be that surgical management of miscarriage and abortion is the least painful way.
The discrepancy to me seems to be around the medical abortion route.

OP posts:
Bigcat25 · 10/07/2024 01:01

Had an abortion procedure to remove a miscarriage. Wasn't painful at all but given good meds before.

Sunnytwobridges · 10/07/2024 01:03

I felt nothing after my abortion but I was drugged up and felt out of it the whole day. But no pain the next day or any other day.

Opinionwontchangeluv · 10/07/2024 05:17

Depends, had pill twice, first time just a bad period
Second time felt like someone ripping my guts out

mt9m · 10/07/2024 05:38

Surgical can lead the scarring and infection that can affect future fertility, so it's not always the preferred option even if it can be less painful.

ButtSurgery · 10/07/2024 05:42

GreenShady · 10/07/2024 00:07

The surgical option is not painful at all. I wouldn't put myself through the other kind if I could avoid it. You don't have to suffer.

I completely disagree. The surgical I went through at 4mths was agony for days afterwards. The bleeding and pain were well beyond what I'd been warned to expect.

The emotional side took me about 15 years to recover from.

Notastalker · 10/07/2024 05:51

Medical anortion hurt for a couple of hours. Spontaneous miscarriage after my 11 week baby had died hurt for 16 hrs.

TinklySnail · 10/07/2024 10:30

Rycbar · 10/07/2024 00:59

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. The general consensus seems to be that surgical management of miscarriage and abortion is the least painful way.
The discrepancy to me seems to be around the medical abortion route.

Show quote history

I wouldn’t want to take a pill at home, I think it’s too traumatic.
Obviously everyone is different but if the option to have it surgically removed was there, I would definitely take it.

Gogogo12345 · 10/07/2024 10:33

spikeandbuffy · 10/07/2024 00:05

@Rycbar nope. They said I could take codeine but it didn't touch it. More referred to as discomfort and cramps
Like when you have a coil fitted and they say "mild discomfort"

I've never had an abortion but had 3 coils fitted . Can't say I felt any discomfort at all after the first half hour. So if it's very painful for others then it must be a difference in the way people feel pain

booksandbrews · 10/07/2024 10:38

I had an abortion (pills) at home and I found it very manageable pain-wise. Just like a really heavy period. Over-the-counter painkillers were fine.

FatmanandKnobbin · 10/07/2024 10:39

I have miscarried twice, one was twins, and neither were particularly painful, I also had an abortion at 6 weeks, which wasn't painful at all.

My periods are horrendous and can wipe me out for 2 or 3 days sometimes though.

Menora · 10/07/2024 10:42

I will admit that I once had a surgical termination with no sedation at all. I had no one else to drive me and it was miles away and I did not want anyone to know. So I went alone and had it done awake with just paracetamol. It was very very painful but pretty fast. I felt sick for hours from how strong the cramps were and very shaky I think I fainted but they let me leave after a couple of hours. I can’t really explain but I’ve given birth twice and it was less painful than that, but still very painful because your womb contracts so hard so suddenly. I could feel everything.

Cluborange666 · 10/07/2024 10:45

From what I’ve read online the pill abortion seems to hurt some people.I have had two surgical abortions (and two children in between). Neither hurt at all. I deliberately opted for the general anaesthetic so I didn’t have to experience any mental or physical discomfort.

I had the second one done in an NHS hospital but the first done in a private clinic where there were about 6 of us girls and women put in a room to recover all together. One of them seemed to be in a lot of pain but none of the rest of us were. There was a dark humour camaraderie in the room which was actually a good thing. The mother of one of the patients (who looked about 11) brought us all in a cream cake.

Maybe it depends on how you experience period pain? I never had painful periods and equally the abortions at about 10 weeks didn’t hurt either. I would have had both abortions much earlier except the actual process of organising the procedure takes you from that missed period time frame to considerably later on (for an operation style abortion at least).

WitchyBits · 10/07/2024 10:45

I had three abortions for very different reasons and none of them hurt at all. Slight cramping at the most. But nothing else. I was asleep for all of them.

LoveSandbanks · 10/07/2024 10:45

i had a MMC that then passed naturally. Didn’t feel a thing I’m afraid.

spikeandbuffy · 10/07/2024 10:50

@Gogogo12345 yes of course there is. Some people find a coil fitting excruciating and some don't feel it

lowlight · 10/07/2024 10:53

I had one prior to having children. It was at a Marie Stopes clinic at about 9 weeks and was absolute agony during the process. Worst pain I have felt. much worse and more intense than natural childbirth but only for a tiny fraction of the time. i don't think I was given any pain relief.
Fine afterwards.

Afternoonteavirgin · 10/07/2024 10:54

I had a medical one in 1999 which was excruciating. Full on labour pains all day, dilated intensely. Bled for 6 months afterwards, narrowly missed anemia.

Andthereitis · 10/07/2024 11:07

A little. But emotionally maybe a lot more.

InterIgnis · 10/07/2024 11:13

Minor period-like cramps for me, with no negative emotional or mental effects.

The pain associated varies from woman to woman, as I imagine the pain associated with miscarriage does too.

Spongebag · 10/07/2024 11:16

Surgical at 15 weeks - like a bad period, cramps, nausea.

RampantKrampus · 10/07/2024 11:18

I had a surgical abortion with sedation. I remember nothing and it I can’t remember it being painful afterwards.