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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Poo everywhere help

32 replies

Whatayear2023 · 09/07/2024 21:23

My mums late 80s .... she lives alone but I go there almost daily....
Today I walk in and she yells help me and there is poo everywhere ! She just kept on pooing it was everywhere.... even in her fingernails and toenails big logs on floor etc
She said she couldn't get upstairs to wash and I had to use a bowl to clean her up... as I'm cleaning she's still pooing and weeing herself.
She has that emergency thing around her neck and someone came but said they cannot help with holding her up while I wash or help me try to get her upstairs....
Just makes me think if I wasn't there who would have helped her no carers etc and this surely.happens to many more older people. It's really hit me that she was in this state and there was no help available for being left in your own poop and pee ( she had been like it over 24 hours)

OP posts:

whathasitgottodowiththepriceofoliveoil · 09/07/2024 21:24

Have you considered a care home?

Mouswife · 09/07/2024 21:24

Can you arrange for regular carer visits OP ? She might need more help at regular intervals .

IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 09/07/2024 21:25

I'm sorry to hear about your mum. If she could not control her bowels/still can't I would say she needs seen urgently at hospital. If she cannot get to the bathroom/ upstairs it sounds like her home is no longer suitable for her.

Hugesunflower · 09/07/2024 21:27

Is this a sudden change? Sounds like she needs some medical help.

Hoglet70 · 09/07/2024 21:29

I have no suggestions but I want to offer hugs as you and your Mum must both be so distraught xx

Londonrach1 · 09/07/2024 21:30

If this is a new situation please seen medical attention for your mum. If not new maybe a carer to visit her to help her toileting.

thatstakingalongtimetoboil · 09/07/2024 21:32

Could you get a downstairs shower installed. All that is so much easier to just stick them In the shower. The special pants are also good they keep everything in !

BusyCM · 09/07/2024 21:33

Sounds humiliating for her. She needs proper incontinence care. Have you left her?

vodkaredbullgirl · 09/07/2024 21:33

Maybe she needs 24 hour care, or carers to go in.

wombpaloumbpa · 09/07/2024 21:34

I'm so sorry how upsetting for you both. Does she have a tummy bug? If she's not much better tmw I think she must see a GP.

If she cant make it to the toilet upstairs anymore because she slow you could get a commode downstairs for her, they look sort of like a naff chair but you can lift the seat and go to the toilet in there. then someone would need to potentially help her to empty it though, which could be you or a carer.

Akrotiri1 · 09/07/2024 21:35

You can contact Adult social services and ask for her to be assessed to receive care. It is quite a simple process once you get the ball rolling.

Does she claim Attendance Allowance? This is a benefit that she can use towards care too.

KreedKafer · 09/07/2024 21:36

She’s suddenly just started shitting everywhere? Overnight? That isn’t normal and she needs to see a doctor. Of course elderly people can become incontinent but it’s usually a lot more gradual than what you’ve described.

If she can’t walk to a toilet unaided she either needs visiting professional carers or she needs to move into a care home. Obviously she can’t manage with you alone going in once a day.

Social services can advise on this.

rwalker · 09/07/2024 21:40

if She would of been in that state social service would been involved they would of ether done an emergency admission to ideally a nursing home or hospital as last resort or arranged care team it’s at least a 2 person job and OT would get equipment delivered

the career as harsh as it seems was right to refuse to help you on the stairs or try and hold her up it’s far too dangerous

your need to have her laying down and lug roll her to wash her down rather than having her stood up

it does sound worrying such a sudden loss of function
hope your getting support and a plan in place such a shock and upsetting to see her in such a vulnerable state

Lammveg · 09/07/2024 21:46

This is the weirdest post to read ever because this exact same thing happened to my grandma?

However it happened overnight and we turned up in the morning to her collapsed by the toilet. I don't think they ever found out what was wrong. She did continue to live somewhat independently for a year or so after this, moving into a warden controlled flat and then a nursing home.

Sorry OP that you're going through this. It's very distressing. I'd get her settled if you can tonight, and look at getting her a GP appointment. If she deteriorates call 111/999 of course.

The GP should hopefully check her over and signpost to services if they are likely to be required going forwards.

Original poster

Whatayear2023 · 09/07/2024 21:49

Just to follow up she is completely with it mentally, she normally reminds me of stuff lol
She has had diahorrea for a while but this is a first for her to just keep pooping... im hoping it's a stomach bug tbh
She refuses all treatment and to see a gp. Because she is mentally competent she cannot be forced to get help.
The lady that came said she would put in a referral to get adaptions done but don't know how long that will take and if we will have to pay for it... she doesn't get any benefits and only gets old age pension but she has her own home and money in bank which she won't spend.
The smell is still up my nose it was horrendous... I've put nappies on her and bed pads etc ..
I have children so I cannot stay there with her 24/7 and she can't come to mine as she won't leave her house.
The whole thing is sad and It.got me thinking about people who have no one and what must go on and how we take small things for granted

OP posts:

MrsBlackett · 09/07/2024 21:55

Years ago, I had a lovely, very elderly next-door neighbour who lived alone and she rang me very distressed and panicking late one night because she had become suddenly incontinent and it didn't feel to her like a stomach bug. She was ambulanced into hospital and they discovered that the problem was a change of her usual meds to something with a known side-effect of diarrhoea and, once her pills were sorted to a drug she could tolerate, she was back to normal.

willWillSmithsmith · 09/07/2024 22:10

I feel for you and your mum. I had similar situations with my mum but she at least was able to come and live with me. Can you speak to a gp or Age Concern to see what help can be given to her?

LookItsMeAgain · 09/07/2024 22:10

I’d get a GP visit if you can because my mum in the recent past had CDiff and it caused her to have much looser bowels.
Might you mum have picked up CDiff at all?

Debbiejv · 09/07/2024 22:26

She needs to be seen medically op, she might be dehydrated and malnourished. Hope you are both okay.

sammyjoanne · 09/07/2024 22:29

She needs an occupational health person to come round and assess her with you in person. They can advise if she needs carers (sounds like she does), and also help with incontinence care, and other accessories such as a perching stool, a comode for close by if she needs to go etc.

Wedoourish · 09/07/2024 22:30

Your poor Mum. Loss of dignity is the ultimate humiliation for her . Hopefully it is a one off . If it becomes a problem generally then you will have to consider a care home.

Wynston · 09/07/2024 22:48

I think most things have been covered already such as commode and incontinence pads.
Put a refferal into social services where they can make the necessary assessments and get things into motion.
It makes me sad op so many vunerable people in the community.
How is your mum feeling now op? x

Noseybookworm · 09/07/2024 22:50

You need to keep a close eye on your mum as she may well be dehydrated after having severe diarrhoea. Is she drinking plenty? She should really be seen by a doctor to test for any infection etc. Going forward, I would have adult social services assess her needs - she may well need carers to help with personal care. Does she have a mobile phone, can she text or call you in an emergency?

redalex261 · 09/07/2024 22:53

My heart bleeds for you. I came into my mother in law’s one evening to a similar scene of devastation. She was 80, pretty frail, registered partially sighted and had 4 care visits daily; I came in every day after work to deliver next day’s dinners, have a blether and do some chores.

The “event” occurred just after her teatime carer had left, and she’d been covered in shit for two hours. Next carer was not due for another two hours. The poor woman was hysterical, had been trying to clear up the mess (smearing it everywhere in the process). She was so drained I had to put her into a wheelchair to get her to bathroom and showered. Hair, nails, the lot, absolute nightmare. Clothes and towels all binned. She was frozen as well as had removed clothes when it happened. Had to leave her under hot shower for ages to heat her up and give me a chance to clean the living room (with towel round face). Thank christ for wooden floors and leather couches.

I can’t imagine how bad a state she would have been in had she been left struggling until the next carer showed up. She too had an Alert alarm but had been too panicked to press it. As someone who had been obsessively houseproud and immaculately groomed she was deeply embarrassed, and asked me not to tell anyone what had happened. She was terrified of being put in a home. So I didn’t. She must’ve had a bug as it was a one off.

God, I’d blotted the trauma out of my mind - now it’s back!

HulaChick · 09/07/2024 22:58

Oh that sounds so awful for your poor Mum and for you OP. I haven't read all the posts but if she's usually able to get to the loo ok, would she be mobile enough to get to a commode if you could get one for downstairs? The amount sounds very concerning, so I'm sure you'll arrange for her to be checked by a doctor & I hope some sort of care package can be arranged for her.

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