What would you take someone in intensive care?

[cottonwoolbrain]

DD's friend is in intensive care and is finally allowed visitors after 2 weeks in hospital.

She's apparently rigged up to monitors and has tubes and cables all over the place. she's on morphine. She can't eat so no food. Toiletries are out. She's got netflix and audio books though she can only focus for about 10 minutes if that. No flowers allowed

DD is very worried about her (understandably) and wants to take her something but has no idea what. She's also nervous about going into an intensive care unit but is desperate to let her friend know she's supported. She and her friends have set up a visiting rota to make sure that someone goes in every day it's allowed.

She's 18. What on earth can DD take her except friendship and gossip.

And what should DD know about visiting intensive care?

I'm posting here for traffic. Any advice and ideas would be really appreciated please.

DSis was mostly unconscious in the ITU but she remembered the foot and hand massages I would give her.

And yes to the suggestion re the hair braiding. One of the nurses would braid DSis hair which was probably much more comfortable for her, and also showed her children she was being cared for.

Your DD sounds a lovely friend.

They've got plushy toys in HMV that are quite funny and silly T shirts. She might like a change of top - even if just for when she feels better? Maybe one of those mindful colouring books on a topic she likes (they do animee ones etc) and some pens?

Thank you so much. I will suggest DD takes

a) a hair brush and some hair bobbles so she can braid her friends hair if that's what she'd like. Probably best to buy a new one to cut risk of any cross infection.

b) some hand cream - but not lip balm as I know she's on oxygen (thank you to the PP who cautioned against that)

c) A couple of magazines - easier than a book as the articles tend to be short

d) a card

e) considers making a video of friends. She won't be able to do that before this afternoon though

I will pay for it all - I want DD to feel she is supported as well as I know how worried she is. I think she feels quite powerless - usually you can help your friends but right now she feels there's very little any of them can do.

@OllyBJolly I was in hospital about 10 years ago thankfully not ICU. My hair kept getting tangled with tubes etc. every time I tried to sort it out and finally I asked a student nurse to help me with it. She came in when she had time (goodness knows how she found it!) and brushed it, combed through leave in conditioner and plaited it. It was a massive relief - a small kindness I'll never forget

Get the friends to send voice notesto your dds phone just a quick "hi friend " .

Lip balm and mints is a good shout, it's such a dry atmosphere. When my partner was in ICU there was barely room to move in the room and 'stuff' would have just been in the way and an annoyance. Just company, friendly smiling face of someone who isn't a stranger.

I am a former ICU nurse. The suggestions you’ve been given are excellent.

In terms of the unit itself, it can be quite disturbing to see a loved one in rigged up every machine under the sun. If she’s been there for two weeks I’m making the assumption she’s not intubated, so will likely be awake but probably very drowsy. Critical illness takes a lot out of the body and leaves people feeling extremely fatigued. She will have lost weight; you lose a percentage of muscle mass for every day you are in bed. The good news is that young, presumably formally fit people tend to rehab extremely well and generally quickly, so don’t worry.

Low mood is expected post critical illness. People often experience PTSD and flashbacks for a variety of reasons; intubation, strong sedatives and opiates (you are kept sedated when intubated), sleep deprivation, electrolyte imbalances. So do not expect her mood to be her normal happy self. People generally need a lot to support and therapy post ICU. Again, this is normal, so this is not the way they will always be.

The unit itself is generally quite calm. Patients are nursed 1-2-1 or sometimes 1 to 2, so there isn’t the visible chaos of the wards. The point of ICU is that you are more closely monitored to alert to potential deterioration before it actually happens. I would say to your daughter, just ignore all the sounds and alarms. I used to tell my patients families (who would freak out whenever anything alarmed) think of cabin crew in turbulence; your instinct is to be afraid, but if you at the cabin crew, they are always calm and cracking on with the job. So basically, if I don’t look worried, don’t be worried! It always worked.

I hope she makes a full recovery. Critical illness is so scary but the youngsters generally make great bounce backs.

La Roche Posay Thermal Spring Water - it's a lovely cooling face mist.
Breath mints.
Face wipes.

When my mum was in ICU, we were told to take things in to connect her to the outside world. It was almost Halloween so I did a couple of daft paper decorations, some photos from home, and downloaded a stack of shows to her tablet. Was in covid so we couldn't visit in person.

I wouldn’t bring much the first visit tbh. Just a card and maybe a small teddy or anything the patient has said they need or would like and are allowed.
I know every situation is different but I was about your dd’s age the first time I went to ICU to visit my mother. I brought the stuff I would usually take her in hospital and honestly, I got such a shock. I’ll always remember going home with all of the stuff I had brought in a bag thinking how naive I’d been. She was so ill, all I did was sit there for ten minutes beside her bed and watch her sleep. It sounds like your dd’s friend is more up for visitors but I think the fact she’s visiting is enough and I would make sure she is prepared because it can be very upsetting at that age if it’s their first time going to ICU.

A lovely happy photo of he with her friends might be nice. When my dad was in ICU, I took in a lovely photo of him holding toddler DS with a huge smile on his face. I put it where he could see it, and several of the nurses thanked me and said it helped them to see the person, not the patient, and gave them something from his outside life to talk to him about (he was deeply sedated for the first ten days and had a tracheotomy so he couldn't talk back to tell them anything about himself). Something soft and comforting to hold would be nice as well. I hope she recovers soon, and that your daughter doesn't find it scary - there will be machines and wires and beeps, but if my dad's experience is anything to go by, there will also be the most amazing nurses who will help to make it a nice calm positive visit. She'll be very tired, so it might be a bit one-way, but I'm sure she'll appreciate the company.

I would caution against taking any "stuff". When my father in law was in ICU, there was barely room to move around his bed and the staff wouldn't have appreciated (or allowed) blankets, plants, photos etc. Presumably if she is in intensive care, she will be on a ward later on for a while. That's the best time to take her those sorts of things. For the time being, her friends being there and keeping her spirits up is the most important thing. Tell your daughter not to take big bags and other paraphernalia and be prepared to get out of the way quickly when the staff need her to. Also get her to remind her other friends not to go on and on about what lovely, exciting things they're doing now.

I would warn your dd that her friend may talk absolute nonsense to her. I hallucinated an entire buffet table complete with loaves of bread, salads etc - it was so real I can genuinely still remember watching a doctor circle the table loading his plate with food. It was frightening for my family!

How about a jellycat soft toy. There’s a huge range, animals, food etc and different sizes.

we use yellow soft paraffin for lip balm in patients on oxygen. Never seen anyone combust yet!

Why can't she have toiletries? We always prefer patients own stuff if their family supplies it.

Lipsil/handcream/dry shampoo

Audible vouchers for books. Puzzles book for when a bit better.

Teddy bear/fluffy blanket

Photos on a string round the bed space - nurses love decorating bedspaces and we love admiring the pics on ward round- gives them motivation of what to get back to

Yea it's fine we use vaseline on all our patients. Providing they aren't smoking it's fine

When I was in ICU the medication meant that my vision was too fuzzy to read and as you say, I couldn't concentrate for long anyway. A friend brought a pile of trashy magazines, which were great because they were mostly pictures.

Honestly as an icu Dr of 9 years please please bring photos it really helps people's spirits when icu can be so depressing, it motivates people to get better. We make patients diaries if "long stayers" and any photos we get are made into photo boards or strung around the bedspace. Fluffy blankets and pillows are most definitely encouraged on the 5 units I've worked. We just move them away if doing procedures so don't make them dirty. But definitely highly encouraged especially if on picu we are even more fond of sibling drawings and paintings in paeds icu

Definitely agree on the plants and flowers though, sister would have kittens if bought onto the unit. Fake small plants for their dinner table would be fine though

Not sure if there will be enough time now but it might be a good idea for your DD to see a photo of her friend in the hospital before she goes and sees her this afternoon - my Dad did this for me when my Mum was in hospital and it helped to manage that initial shock of seeing her looking so ill & frail.

Your DD sounds like a lovely friend 💐

My son was intensive care last year for four weeks, just his friends visiting him helped. ,
He was in year 11 and his school was only a five minute walk from the hospital, so his friends would come and see him after school finished
He wwa allowed his lap top and phone etc.

A Taylor Swift style friendship bracelet but with a clasp so it’s easy to get off an on, rather than slide over the hand and interfere with a cannula.

Lip balm is fine (and encouraged!), they aren’t going to
combust if there’s nothing to ignite.

I would take a framed photo of their friendship group. Not too much ‘stuff’ as it could be very overwhelming for her (and her family) and keep the visits fairly short as she will be very tired most of the time. Gossip and love is the best thing she could bring for an 18 year old!

Some soft fluffy socks? Might be comforting

That's so true my son was in intensive care with acute necrotizing pancreatitis, he was incredibly unwell and had collapsed and was in DKA ,he was only 16 ( he's 17 now) he lost about four stone in weight ,but thankfully he recovered really quickly which I can only put down to him being an otherwise healthy 16 year old.