To find it inconsiderate when an OP doesn’t update us

[JammyWedges]

OP will start a thread saying something like: “Does this mean DH is cheating on me?”

Or “Should DS come on holiday abroad with me?”

Then she’ll get loads of advice, input, and helpful information from a hundred women. We help her figure out what she’s going to do. And she’ll say, “I’m going to confront DH tonight about it before bed.” Or “I’ll have a long chat with DS tomorrow and we’ll decide.”

Then nothing for days. I’ll keep refreshing the thread but it will have been abandoned. It would be so satisfying if OP simply sent an update: “He was cheating. He admitted it.” Or “We decided DS is staying home.” But no. Once OP gets everything she wants and doesn’t need us anymore, she doesn’t follow up. AIBU to be disappointed when this happens and think it’s inconsiderate?

I sometimes feel the same way about the baby name threads! Six months later.... "so, what did you end up calling them, then?"

But we are probably both BU. Social media doesn't really work like that. People aren't obliged to give us a running commentary.

I understand why you want the 'story' to have a beginning, middle and end though. Seems to be a basic human need to find out what happened....

It's not a soap opera and OP owes us nothing. Though sometimes the non-returners were trolls.

Wow, 50/50 so far. Interested to see how this vote plays out.

What does that mean in mumsnet world.. why would they have been trolls? As in they set up threads for the sake if it ?

It annoys me as well.
Of course they don't owe you anything but out of pure nosiness, I want to know how things pan out.
I understand if it's a sensitive issue and the OP doesn't want to, but I do quite often want to know something as simple as what book OP bought their child in the end when about 20 suggestions were given. (pick me! pick me!)

It's usually when the thread doesn't go as they expect - I'm imagining a debate with their other half and then they say "let me ask MN" ....😁

I think humans are designed to want a narrative. We have the set up (first post) and then more of the story as things go on - but very rarely that nice neat conclusion with all the ends tied up.
So it's really just a conflict of real life versus the reading experience. No right answers.

It's worse when they type a War and Peace opening post about their DC, without giving their age and then never return.

The thread just fills up with guess work because age is nearly always relevant.

Totally agree op

I always assume the non-returners are trolls.

The human in me really wants an update from the OP but in reality I know this is peoples actual lives and not a soap opera with an ending.

I do tend to assume troll if there are literally no updates after the OP.

But assuming they a real poster, generally real life will get in the way. It's nice to see an update after the event, but very irritating when other posters start with "ANY UPDATE, OP??????" roughly an hour and a half after the the thread was started.

I once ran a huge thread about how to cook rice. From which I learned how to cook rice and bought the recommended contraption for doing it.

And I have been cooking very plausible rice off the back of it for a couple of years.

But I never went back to thank anyone of them. I feel so ashamed.

Thing is, some of these are 'wind them up and watch them go' threads, where after worsening updates the OP clears off, having had their fun.
Then we have the absolutely distraught, who really cannot be expected to give us updates - we just have to be there to help and hope they are real and OK.
Then there are the goads, who demolish a poster for the fun of it, and OP has to leave the thread to keep their sanity.
So I really do not mind if a poster does not come back.

No the op doesn't owe us anything but we're allowed to be curious as to what happened. You post on a public forum and of course people want to know what's happened, it's why soaps are so popular in tv.

You (and I) are being unreasonable.

I'd love to know the outcome more often, but it's people's lives!

I agree. I get way too invested tbh and it’s a Me problem

Yes I wish they would too!

For my own personal interest, yes I’ve often wished for an update, but no, I don’t think posters should feel obliged to. It certainly isn’t ‘inconsiderate’ because someone’s life isn’t entertainment for a stranger.

Should we all go back and update our threads now?

You sound ridiculous and are being very unreasonable. It's a forum, no one owes you an update. You sound a bit self important, thinking your advice is vital to anyone's life and that because you've given it, you should have access to what happens next.

This is pretty much how I feel.

humans are nosy and as a human that means I am but I try hard to remember that while I might be invested and even sometimes genuinely care about an outcome for the op that these are peoples lives so I need to keep that in check when I want an update or an ending. For me this is just writing on the internet it makes no real difference to my life in reality but for them there are real life situations.

sometimes if a bit of time has passed I ask how the op is or if a situation worked out etc and I do it with genuine intent hoping there has been something positive for them but I suppose the end result is that it’s basically no different than just asking for an update! I don’t mean it like that of course so don’t expect a response unless the person wants to.

obviously when it is a more lighthearted thread I feel a little more entitled. 😂 I know I have no right though!

I will say though I am irrationally annoyed when there is one or maybe two early posts by the op and then they just disappear but iv learned to click the check all posts button before deciding to waste time giving advice to someone who obviously doesn’t give a shit.

Doesn't mean they are trolls not everyone logs in here all the time or sometimes they get deleted

100% agree @JammyWedges And I don't subscribe to this idea that they don't owe us an update. They do. If a hundred posters have given advice, and help, and kindness, and time to an OP, and taken time out of their day to do it, the least the OP can do is thank people and give an update on what happened.

I can understand it if the OP's other half found their thead on their laptop etc and then wanted to back out, but otherwise I agree with @JammyWedges It's bad manners to do a "post and run" as readers get invested then let down.

It doesn't have to be an update from the oP every 10 posts. Just a update a few days later then a finisher post later on to satisfy the opener post would suffice.